I've heard voices since forever. I need a change of mind! I'm desperate to know, to go against all that's been diagnosed, the voices in my head are psychotic voices, so with enuff drugs they will disappear. So far no good.

We talk, discuss, vote and communicate. They have their own personalities saying their own opinion. They say what ever they want when they want. No matter how much AP I take, they are always there. Beyond that, they take over this body and all mannerism and opinion and thought when they are in control. They do what they want. Is this psychosis or part of the multi personality disorder I'm dealing with. The others have been around my life. I just need reassurance that it is what they say.

I want to be the main host, I don't want anyone else taking over right now. I love the freedom I've got. Can the rest be tamed with AP? Call me selfish, but is this an illusion? Can psychotic voices possess a body like mine does?

[CANDC]

Always you said

I want to be the main host

That is tremendous. I think that is just wonderful. It is not easy to achieve, but I would say you turned the corner knowing clearly what you want. I feel being the main host or the master of ceremonies or just the one who decides is a leap forward. But it is easy to forget that. I have to keep doing yoga or meditating to remember that.

Meds help keep things stable. I think, IMO, from that point onward, it is necessary to work on facing all the elements of oneself and becoming on a friendly basis (not an antagonistic basis) with the different aspects of oneself. It is work but it is a good work that increases our self esteem and natural self control.

I don't think any voices control us unless we let them control us. I think what you are aspiring to is being the whole person you are. That to me is not selfish, especially because to do that we naturally have to develop compassion for ourselves and other people.

One of the things that must diminish is the license by which we do anything without concern for how it might hurt others. IMO to actually be free, we must do no harm. Otherwise it can be self indulgence. There are so many subtleties. Only each of us can assess ourselves.

Maybe it is time to make a sign:

I am the main.

Thanks. Yes, I'm the host ATM, but things change. There really isn't much of a central theme except public ID in this system. It depends on whose in charge. As much as I want to be the main, there are several more that wants to be the main. I'm not even who I think I am at the moment.

[Crazy Hitch]

*****POSSIBLE TRIGGER****************

Okay I am currently manic so yes please do pardon me if this does not make sense. I don't mean for it to not make sense. I am just trying to explain my voices. Because not even I am sure I understand him. You can read it and see if it makes sense. I am not sure. I am confused. I am happy though. I can laugh at paint that has already dried on the walls. I am smoking sunshine happiness right now.

**********************************************************


Here's my personal experience.

My voices are congruent with my mood state and change according to which mood episode I am in.

I don't hear them when I'm stable.

I must be extremely manic to hear them actually.

So when I am manic what would it look like?

Oh it's just a man. I don't know who he is really. At first he's pretty harmless. I hear him occassionally and I'm like meh whatever.

Mania progresses. His voice gets louder. He now starts singing to me when I am trying to sleep at night. I don't even like his singing. So why is he singing to me? I don't know really. I didn't ask him to. Must increase my AP. Yes, this will do the trick.

Mania progress for a few days. I am still not sleeping. I don't know why. But he only speaks to me when I am trying to sleep. I don't notice him too much during the day. But why does he come out at night? I don't know? Maybe because there is less external stimulation happening when I am trying to sleep. But I do notice him. He's starting to get a bit irritating. I want to sleep. Why is he still speaking to me? I can't sleep when he's sleeping? This is a vicious cycle. Must still keep tabs with pdoc. I mean he's not telling me anything intrusive or anything but I do wish he would just shut up. I know I need to sleep. I mean the more he speaks the less I sleep.

Few days of less sleeping. Lots of signs "I am floating above the clouds and not in the room" as my pdoc calls it. Man is now getting ANGRY. Geepers he is starting to give me a fright. I don't even know why he is YELLING at me. He is just YELLING. Why on earth is he YELLING AT ME! I know why. I have figured this one out. He is YELLING because he does NOT want me to sleep. He is ANGRY when I try and sleep. He keeps giving me a fright. Just the split second as I might start drifting he shouts. He's mad. I sit up in bed. I can't stand this yelling. It's too much. The noise. He's scaring the poop out of me. I just can't even lie down anymore. I don't even know why he's so damn angry with me. I'm just going to get out of bed. I can't stand this noise it's just too loud. So I get out of bed.

Oh well. He's not yelling now he's stopped. I am sitting on the computer typing. He is happy now.

I am glad he doesn't tell me to do negative things like he does when I am depressed.

Wait a minute?

Do I feel a little bit of a sense of relief? I mean I haven't slept for days on end but he can't yell at me when I am awake. Phew. Relief. I mean he's not telling me to harm myself. Oh I think maybe I like this mania? Oh who am I kidding? No I don't. This sucks. Where is my sleep? Why am I not allowed to sleep? This is now exhausting. Oh I didn't think that I would ever use the word exhausting and mania in the same sentence at all. I mean it never started out this way. It was great. I had lots of energy. Happy. Oh I am still happy. Let me just continue to think about how happy I am.

But I am exhausted. Mentally. Emotionally. Why is he so angry with me? What did I do? All I want to do is sleep?

I should stop complaining.

I mean.

I know what the angry man does when I am depressed.

I don't have intrusive thoughts when I am depressed.

HE IS MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.

I don't want to become depressed?

What if I do start sleeping and then I flip into depression?

Oh I know what this angry man will do then.

Maybe I should be relieved that he is just yelling? I can handle yelling can't I?

I can't handle what he says when I am depressed. No. No I must stay awake. I must get over these feelings of FEAR of this angry man. He's only shouting. I mean why be afraid of shouting?

I'm more scared of this man when I am depressed. Please let me stay manic. I mean I still laugh and stuff. I know I see random people walking around my house when I know I am home alone but that is okay.

I don't want to be depressed. This man becomes EVIL when I am depressed. He tells me to do evils things. He will repeat over and over again "Go kill yourself you stupid piece of sh***". "You are not worth living". "You are better off dead." Oh it is easy to ignore the a$$hole for a few days. I mean I can put a pillow over my head and say oh shut up. But he just keeps saying "Kill yourself. Go kill yourself." I feel bad enough as it is! Why is he encouraging me to do this? I mean I have a life. I know somewhere or other on a rational level I have kids and a family. But I can't cope with him continually bringing me down. I'm already depressed. I feel like a worthless piece of poo.

This man is right.

Who am I kidding?

Everything he says is right?

I'm not worth living.

I should just kill myself.

I'm tired of not only arguing against my own suicidal thoughts during depression but now I have to listen to his c rap when I'm depressed?

Oh stuff this.

I'm done.

I've had enough.

I give in.

You win you a%%hole.

You win.

Here.

Let me prove it.

Thanks for the narrative Hooligan, I was enthralled! You write so well. That is so not me.

That reminds me of how a skitzophrenic I met in the hospital described it. She has command voices that tell her to go answer the door, even when it didn't ring, to look around a corner because someone's there even though there aren't anyone, to do things, mean things sometimes.

Mine aren't like that. They are for the most part silent till something happens and then we discuss the best way to go about it. They are always there. When we're depressed I have one that soothingly talks to me telling me it's going to be okay. When We're manic they tell me to settle down, don't do it! If I'm about to do something stupid which I end up doing anyways. Is it my conscience talking? Sure all of em telling the host to not screw the body up! Lol.

Thanks for once again re centering me on what I know. Sometimes what's told to another alter doesn't make it to the rest of us.

There was one time though that I had intrusive thoughts telling me that I was worthless and to kill myself. Myself WOULDNT tell me to do that. It was screaming at me louder than I can think. I was withdrawling from Welbutrin because I got a hair and threw all my meds away! Lol

[Bipolarchic14]

Okay bipołar 1's you win...Yours is worse! I may be frequently suicidal but I can be thankful I don't see people that don't exist walking around my house or have to deal with a little angry man screaming at me when I am trying to sleep.

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

Okay bipołar 1's you win...Yours is worse! I may be frequently suicidal but I can be thankful I don't see people that don't exist walking around my house or have to deal with a little angry man screaming at me when I am trying to sleep.

Lol I don't see people walking around, just symmetrical shapes dancing in the air with kaleidoscopic bursts, water ripples through my vision, and everything moving around. It's more like a damn acid trip, actually. Never mind the guy that screams "you're gonna die!"

[Bipolarchic14]

Hooligan can you send some of the non existing people to my house ...it snowed again ...could use some help...

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Always, when you say kaleidoscope bursts, are they colorful? Water ripples, that's exactly how to describe them. I knew I wasn't crazy. What about ropes? Bright ones. Just asking. . . Hypothetically speaking. . . I'm off topic. Your thread was about voices. Sorry. I just got excited for a minute. NM

[Crazy Hitch]

HAHAHA Bipolarchic how many men should I send over hahahahah

[Bipolarchic14]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

HAHAHA Bipolarchic how many men should I send over hahahahah

Well the snow removal is done but if you could a couple over for a massage that would be great!

[Bipolarchic14]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I've heard voices since forever. I need a change of mind! I'm desperate to know, to go against all that's been diagnosed, the voices in my head are psychotic voices, so with enuff drugs they will disappear. So far no good.

We talk, discuss, vote and communicate. They have their own personalities saying their own opinion. They say what ever they want when they want. No matter how much AP I take, they are always there. Beyond that, they take over this body and all mannerism and opinion and thought when they are in control. They do what they want. Is this psychosis or part of the multi personality disorder I'm dealing with. The others have been around my life. I just need reassurance that it is what they say.

I want to be the main host, I don't want anyone else taking over right now. I love the freedom I've got. Can the rest be tamed with AP? Call me selfish, but is this an illusion? Can psychotic voices possess a body like mine does?

Sorry I was side tracked...if you can't find the answer you are looking for, they have groups for people who hear voices. Maybe you can Find one in your area. They may have the answers you are looking for.

[Crazy Hitch]

You're classic Bipolarchic I love the humour. Okay. I shall ask these men for their resumes to see who has is a Qualified Massage Therapist.

My Snow Removalers are not available anyway due to all the heavy snow but I am disappointed that you could not book an appointment before hand so that they could help you shovel.

Oh well.

Better luck next time.

I have a 2 month waiting list. Please book in advance.

[Gareth Monkton]

Originally Posted by CANDC

I don't think any voices control us unless we let them control us.

One of the things that must diminish is the license by which we do anything without concern for how it might hurt others.

I am the main.

Do you think it possible to give in to a voice commanding you to do something eg repeatedly telling you to do something eg to react to harm being caused to you by another person.