I'm scared...

I went to a new pdoc on Friday. After asking me a series of questions and somehow indirectly digging up somethings that I somehow had blocked out, she wasn’t convinced that I have bipolar disorder. She definitely identified depression and anxiety, but no mania. She thinks, I might have borderline personality disorder, and no offense to anyone who does, but it shook my whole world. I had finally accepted the bipolar and now it may be this. She wants me to track my moods and feelings for a month because she prescribed me Celexa. Yep, an anti depressant. And you know how I feel? Scared. Because for the first time in weeks, I am elated. I’m in such a good mood. I recently just experienced a three week long depressive episode and for today to be a good day despite everything I didn’t get to accomplish is great. Many people say, “I don’t like labels.” Or “don’t place me in a box.” But not me. I like knowing exactly what I am at all times, which explains why I always constantly found myself asking people close to me their opinions on decisions as something as simple as should I wear this dress or as complex as should I break up with him? Anyways, I liked knowing I have bipolar disorder, see I’m not crazy, I’m not being dramatic, it was my disorder. It wasn’t me. And as I’m writing this, I realize how selfish that sounds. To blame my disease. Whatever it is. Does anyone else do this? Or is it just me? I feel like my mind is racing, and now I’m gotten away from the whole point of this post. I’m scared of what’s wrong with me. Does that make sense?

What made your pdoc draw that conclusion? Were you diagnoised bipołar without ever having a manic or hypomanic episode? Either way, I think both disorders gave similar symptoms but bpd is treated more with therapy and bp is more so with meds.

Sorry to hear you are so anxious but you are also feeling better. I think th idea of charting your feelings and maybe journaling could help give a better sense of how you are over time.
being out of control is a drag and when emotions are switching for no apparent reason that can be unsettling.

Hope it feels better or keep posting or private message.

Haha. The same happened to me but opposite. But you're feeling good which is a great sign! I still think I also have BPD so I keep that in mind as well. There's no embarrassment. You can still blame the BPD. But unlike bipolar, which has no cure, BPD can actually go into remission through DBT. Look up Marsha Linehan. She's great. Take this as a moment of triumph. You're closer to recovery than ever before!