For the first time I think I'm realizing how much bp is holding me back in life.

I did really well in college and started a phd program at age 21 - things that look 'good on paper' (I guess), but I feel like I struggle 90% of the time. I'm always fighting off confusion, defeat, being totally overwhelmed and consumed by my own thoughts. I feel like I live in a fog, which makes me present to others in a way that totally doesn't match up with how I am or want to be. I almost never talk about my ideas or interests for fear that I will be unable to express myself, or because it makes me even more confused and anxious.
This anxiety causes me to avoid a lot of relationships and opportunities, which then makes me feel even worse about myself. What good are ideas without the ability to share them with others?So much of who I am is bottled up inside. I'm convinced no one in the entire world has any idea who I really am. I'm a workaholic that never accomplishes anything. Life is passing by so quickly - days, weeks, months slip through my fingers and they never seem to amount to anything.

I wish I could just BE and DO without having to constantly overcome something, without needing to grip the world so tightly.

[Crazy Hitch]

(((thepterodactyl)))



I am sorry that you are feeling really held back and that you feel like you struggle 90% of the time.

Yes, I see how this would make what you present to others in a way that does not match up with how you want to be.

Not talking about your ideas because you are anxious must be painful.

These forums may be of interest to you:

Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central

Anxiety, Panic and Phobias - Forums at Psych Central

http://forums.psychcentral.com/anxie...ours-here.html

Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central

[RisuNeko]

I can relate so much to your original post. I did really well in college too and am planning on starting grad school soon but I too am always fighting off confusion, brain fog, anxiety, defeat, etc. It feels like "Why am I working so hard when nobody even knows or cares who I am?" Everything feels like a struggle. It's so hard to express anything. And I avoid relationships and opportunities too. Like, I almost never see my two best friends that I've known for 22 years and they live a 15 minute bus ride away. I can really empathize with what you're going through.

Originally Posted by RisuNeko

I can relate so much to your original post. I did really well in college too and am planning on starting grad school soon but I too am always fighting off confusion, brain fog, anxiety, defeat, etc. It feels like "Why am I working so hard when nobody even knows or cares who I am?" Everything feels like a struggle. It's so hard to express anything. And I avoid relationships and opportunities too. Like, I almost never see my two best friends that I've known for 22 years and they live a 15 minute bus ride away. I can really empathize with what you're going through.

thanks for this, RisuNeko. I'm sorry you are having the same struggles...it's comforting to know there are people in the world who understand. It can be so frustrating when professors/parents/friends/colleagues etc. just don't get it, not that I blame them. I wish I had some useful tips, but I think we are lost together