[Mimielam]

I'm angry and sad, I'm frustrated and confused. I wish I could just deal with all that is going on without fearing I will fall and loose it all.

yes I am talking my meds, yes I have an appointment..but until then I still must deal with all this and keep some sanity so I can take care of someone, keep my job, keep the friends I still have.

I wish I had more time to fix things, because I know that I need to rest well, I need that things be stable and organized...but now there is so much going on..or maybe I see it that way that I feel really really fragile but I have no choice to face all of this and it's hard.

Tomorow I hope It will be better.

[Victoria'smom]

What's going on?

[Tucson]

Yes, what is going on in your life?

I'm thinking and hoping for you Mimielam! Sending (((hugs))) your way!

[Brophy]

I hope you come through the other side of this okay.

[Mimielam]

Hello, thank you all for the replies.
I was over anxious, over tired, over stressed, could not focus, could not think straight, my emotions where taking over me. I felt that it was just too much for me...I was really discouraged about many many issues that are stressfull right now for me, job, mom's cancer, the responsibilities, the bills, my parter (I'm going nuts, really a pain in the ***) fear of loosing it all, fear of loosing my mind, my sanity, fear of myself, fear of being abandoned because I also have issues with that...went for 3 smokes went home, cried and cried went to bed and prayed...something I don't do to often outlaid before bed.

I have a mental illness and must take care of myself, I need stability and support. I'm probably into premenaupause, am in my 7th week of not smoking...(but I did a few time cause I was going nuts) and I'm dealing with the fact that my aging mother has cancer and sometimes she does not accept or understand her limits or mine. I've always felt somehow abandoned by her..and now..I guess this is all hard...I' afraid my partner will leave me because our relationship has changed for many reasons..my crisis, my illness, afraid to loose my job because (I kept making mistakes) I can't really relax, rest..I've always got to do something or really do the stability things...sleep, eat, etc. etc...so that's it..That day the past few weeks have been very very hard and I thought of many many things..Help came around, I hope I can manage to stay calm but mostly to remember to use the meds I have to help me for that at the right time and still be able to focus at what needs to be done.

thank you..now its bed time for me take care

[Crazy Hitch]

((((Mimielam))))

Hang in there

[Mimielam]

Well with all that's been happening, my PDOCS nurse called me back saying the doc said I should stop working for a while or try a new medication..(that was yesterday) today, after my appointment with my therapist and talking about what has been happening, the nurse saw me, the PDOC saw me and I understood that at this point, under the circumstances..It was better I call in sick...I'm just received but also disappointed and know I should not think of how it will turn out at work. My health comes first. It's just so frustrating to know that there will be consequences that will be difficult..but like someone said, better you get well so you can face them.

[Crazy Hitch]

Mimielam - yes I agree - your health comes above all else.

It is frustrating, I can understand this frustration.

Sometimes when you try new meds yes it is recommended that you temporarily stop work?

Is it better to call in sick?

I mean what is the worst thing.

You try new meds and just take a bit of a sick leave break; and possibly get better ...

I don't know.

If it was me I'd possibly give it a shot.

And see how it goes.

But I understand if you don't want to take time off work either.

In which case reflect on your own statement which is the most important one:

YOUR HEALTH COMES FIRST

[Mimielam]

I know I had no choice to go on sick leave...it was either that or within a short therm many things could have gotten worst. Now I know I've got to deal with some things of everyday life...but some of those are difficult...at least my mind is not gone wacky..my moral has...my changing humour and I've got to be very attentive to what I really need to get better. set limits and respect them. Since starting the new meds..I don't really see any difference..I guess it should take a bit of time for change. Since being off work..well at least I don't have to face the feeling that I was a victim..the kind they are putting lots of pressure on to have all the reasons to get rid of. With my mom, well, breaks my heart and it's hard..but I put time limits inventing appointed so I have an excuse to leave..knowing how I feel aggravated and become anxious. At home..well, I have one wish..I just wish I could ahhh Hide in shell when I'm like this so my partner would not have to endure me...but I can't. so heres my plan get better real soon, start looking for another job just in case, organize my budget..so I can afford taking a lower paying job with less stress..and try to survive all this.