[Resident Bipolar]

I've been considering leaving my job since December. It's making me extremely unhappy - I don't like the place at all and I do not get on with any of the managers. I'm not sure if it's paranoia but I'm 96% sure most of the staff talk about me behind my back.

I've even overheard managers talking about people negatively while they are not present, in an offensive way. It's made me feel uncomfortable. I had a really bad day today and it has made me want to leave more than ever. I think I manager might find out what i think of her soon, as I told someone what I think of her. She seems to pick on me and hurry me alonG.

My psychiatrist doesn't think the job is compatible with my disorder or my Aspergers syndrome, as it's a very social job (rretail).

I've recently had a relapse and don't feel well enough to work. I'm severely depressed and occasionally

Possible trigger:

suicidal

and I'm really struggling. I am still on sickness benefit but was allowed up to a year in work with a maximum of 15 hours a week although I can only really manage six without feeling drained.

I'm finding it more and more difficult to stay there. I have nightmares about the place.

Anyway. I told my partner I was considering leaving for health purposes and he was very judgemental about it. He said he didn't sit right with him. He refused to say why it didn't sit right with him. I was extrmely down so went to sleep at 4pm after work and I woke up at almost 11pm. Once again I tried to get an answer out of him as to why he can't accept that I'm struggling and hr came out with this:

"Becauze i dont want people thinking we are lazy and cant be arsed to get a job."

Im deeply hurt. And feeling worse than I was before. It's mothers day tomorrow and I'm supposed to be seeing my family for it. But after this I don't even feel up to that.

Am I in the wrong? I thought he'd be more understanding

[kaliope]

no i do not believe you are wrong. i am a big advocate for mental health is the priority. you have to take care of yourself first or you are useless to everybody around you. you got to do everything you can to find happiness in this world cause it is so hard to be happy. do what you need to to take care of yourself.

[RisuNeko]

It sounds like the job is not doing you any good and it is doing you a lot of harm right now. And it sounds like this has been going on for a while. Did you ever enjoy this job? If not, I'd say leave it behind and focus on yourself for a while. The last thing you need to be worrying about is whether or not people think you're lazy because you don't have a job.

[violet66]

You are not in the wrong. I was in your position 3 months ago in my retail job. I quit just before I had a complete breakdown. I have been in a horrible place ever since. You need to take care of you.

[healingme4me]

For me, if my partner was discussing a desire to quit his job, I'd want to know he had another one lined up. I'd remind him, that no matter where you go, there you are. I, also, remind myself of that. Some days can be a struggle in any place of employment. I've chosen where I am now, to be the workplace I'd set a goal with myself to not discourage myself based upon personality conflicts in the workplace. I find my choice rewarding at this point. I also don't have a cushion to drop to if I make a decision to quit.

Maybe your partner is frustrated because he probably has personality conflicts too? Men tend to be less vocal about that, however. Would it burden your household if you quit?

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[Victoria'smom]

Please do whatever will keep you alive and well .

[rollymoody]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Make your health a priority so that you can function well. Hope it all turns out well soon!

[trustyourself123]

I am on Haldol and it really controls my psychosis but it seems to have a weird side effect where about once a day I go into a relm of suffering its like I'm depressed or surrounded by a globe of depression has anyone ever expiranced this?

Hey RB
It's tricky business. Currently, BF and I have multiple catch-22s revolving around the subject of work. Can't stand being in damned if you do, damned if you don't situations (and having them all tangled up is…. argh!)

One of them is regarding mental health and how it is being impacted by the job. This past week could well be called Exhibit A. I cannot seem to get through that I need a lot fewer hours because I'm totally losing it -- which is utterly obvious(!) WTH?! One of the biggest issues is:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

.. I also don't have a cushion to drop to if I make a decision to quit...

Or the not-by-decision of going over the edge for that matter…

So…yeah. I get it.

Is reducing your hours a viable option? If you can manage the 6, then frankly, I'd do that. The environment is difficult, but the thing is that it's pretty typical to have people that are hard to deal with or with whom we have clashes for whatever reason. So if you can tolerate the smaller amount of time, you might be pleasantly surprised by the level of tenacity you have within yourself.

You can look for another job, one that is better suited to you, in the meanwhile, yes?

Can't tell you what to do of course, just thought I'd throw a couple things to consider out there.




(Also, curious… BF said "we"? Does he not work?)

[Nammu]

If your Pdoc is saying its not good for you I'd say you should ask your partner to seriously consider if appearances are more important than your health? Perhaps have your parner see the Pdoc with you so he understands that this isn't just about you being uncomfortable at work it's about your health.

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

For me, if my partner was discussing a desire to quit his job, I'd want to know he had another one lined up. I'd remind him, that no matter where you go, there you are. I, also, remind myself of that. Some days can be a struggle in any place of employment. I've chosen where I am now, to be the workplace I'd set a goal with myself to not discourage myself based upon personality conflicts in the workplace. I find my choice rewarding at this point. I also don't have a cushion to drop to if I make a decision to quit.

Maybe your partner is frustrated because he probably has personality conflicts too? Men tend to be less vocal about that, however. Would it burden your household if you quit?

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I don't have another job lined up as of yet, but I am on sickness for at least another year, or another three months if I chose to stay in the job I'm in, which I don't feel able to do.

Nope, there would be no burden on the household if I quit. I don't have any dependants, and my sickness and disability is more than enough for me to live on. When I was hypo and got the job last year, I was intending to go off the benefits and into work, which I did for a while but it became way too much. So i went back on and cut my hours down.

There's a lot more than just persoanlity conflicts at work. I find the intimidation a lot worse. And I tell you, working in a job where you're serving customers constantly and therefore having to smile and are expected to talk all the time during a depressive episode, drains me even more. I had another "performance review" last week and I basically got the worst score you can get.

Not being good at social functioning, my pdoc reckons my job is draining me because of the social demands and that's not compatable with my autism. And it is difficult. Seeing as I have to do two hours travelling two hours to work and two hours home from work (four hours travel for every shift) and my only means of transport is the bus, the anxiety and Aspergers go into overload and I'm already emotionally exhausted by the time I walk into work.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Hey RB
It's tricky business. Currently, BF and I have multiple catch-22s revolving around the subject of work. Can't stand being in damned if you do, damned if you don't situations (and having them all tangled up is…. argh!)

One of them is regarding mental health and how it is being impacted by the job. This past week could well be called Exhibit A. I cannot seem to get through that I need a lot fewer hours because I'm totally losing it -- which is utterly obvious(!) WTH?! One of the biggest issues is:

Or the not-by-decision of going over the edge for that matter…

So…yeah. I get it.

Is reducing your hours a viable option? If you can manage the 6, then frankly, I'd do that. The environment is difficult, but the thing is that it's pretty typical to have people that are hard to deal with or with whom we have clashes for whatever reason. So if you can tolerate the smaller amount of time, you might be pleasantly surprised by the level of tenacity you have within yourself.

You can look for another job, one that is better suited to you, in the meanwhile, yes?

Can't tell you what to do of course, just thought I'd throw a couple things to consider out there.




(Also, curious… BF said "we"? Does he not work?)

I can cut down to 6.5 hours as that is my minimum contract. However, I have been told off for refusing to work more. And 6.5 hours is spread over two shifts, which is eight hours of travelling on public transport The travelling alone is intense.

It makes it more difficult that I'm having my meds tinkered about with, and feeling the side effects. I'm not sleeping well either - I cannot sleep until 4am to 5am. And

Possible trigger:

the urge to jump out of the moving bus throughout the entire journey

doesn't help either.

Normally I can sort of handle 6.5 hours but that's one 3 hour and one 3.5 hour shift, with no break. So for six hours including travel on public transport and getting ready for work, I don't stop having to face people, moving and socialising. Which leaves me feeling drained before the end of the shift. And then it's another two to three hours travel back (the latter of the Sunday shift).

Last time I asked to have my hours limited, I got told by the manager "Well you cant have it both ways".

The environment makes me feel extrmely uncomfortable. Luckily there is nobody relying on me financially. And my disability payments are more than enough for me to live off. So I'm not sure why my partner can't accept that I need to get out of the job because it's having a profound impact on my life in and out of work. At least for a few months so I can look for new work without being stressed by my current job whilst I'm also having to study for my exams in July.

Despite considering looking for a different job, that could take a long time. I can't stay in this job for longer than about 11 months anyway, or I lose all of my sickness and then I'll only be earning £180 a month, which isn't enough or nearly enough for me to live from. And I'm also still assessed as "unfit to work" which means id get very little help from the services finding work. I think it would be easier to look for work and continue my studies whiLe not in in a job that's exacerbating and worsening my mental state.

And nope. He doesn't work. He was up until November. His mum quit his job for him because he was depressed. he isn't diagnosed however. Which makes it hypocritical that he should insist I stay in work, I believe.

Originally Posted by sidestepper

If your Pdoc is saying its not good for you I'd say you should ask your partner to seriously consider if appearances are more important than your health? Perhaps have your parner see the Pdoc with you so he understands that this isn't just about you being uncomfortable at work it's about your health.

He has refused to do so, and refused to do any therapy with me. Alas, I have to keep my treatment and my relationship seperate.

[Resident Bipolar]

The events of yesterday have made things worse. I am scared of returning. I don't want to be bullied and cornered anymore. This manager has a little group of people that discuss other staff, and two girls were very abrasive yesterday. I just feel like I can't face it.

Being told off for being slow all the time really gets to me.

[healingme4me]

What do you need to do to quit without affecting benefits? Four hours of commute for three hours of that baloney???

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[healingme4me]

What drew you to this job, to begin with? That's a lot of traveling to have an employer behave abrasively. I once took this course on corporate social responsibility. It involved studying ethics. The Golden Rule, happens to be a top ethical standard. As a manager, I'd personally, prefer that all of my employees were sensitive to the plight of one another. Any employee traveling two hours just to be there deserves a lot of consideration. Retail or office, the internal culture truly shouldn't be any different.
Your boss, do they realize they don't have a healthy group? Noone needs to be friends, yet, everyone needs to be professional and display respect towards one another. It trickles down to the customer and trickles up to the big bosses. I understand not everyone can be a leader, but it's not up to your coworkers to behave towards you as if they control the schedule/company.

With that performance review and your autism what's this drive to need to work? In the states, if you are disabled, you're disabled.

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[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

What drew you to this job, to begin with? That's a lot of traveling to have an employer behave abrasively. I once took this course on corporate social responsibility. It involved studying ethics. The Golden Rule, happens to be a top ethical standard. As a manager, I'd personally, prefer that all of my employees were sensitive to the plight of one another. Any employee traveling two hours just to be there deserves a lot of consideration. Retail or office, the internal culture truly shouldn't be any different.
Your boss, do they realize they don't have a healthy group? Noone needs to be friends, yet, everyone needs to be professional and display respect towards one another. It trickles down to the customer and trickles up to the big bosses. I understand not everyone can be a leader, but it's not up to your coworkers to behave towards you as if they control the schedule/company.

With that performance review and your autism what's this drive to need to work? In the states, if you are disabled, you're disabled.

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Nothing particularly drew me to the job, it was just a random application among hundreds id made and I thought I could handle it. I just wanted a straightforward job to get myself off the benefits and into employment. However, I was told early on that my hours might be cut. Initially I was doing 15 and a half hours and I wwas happy that was being cut, as I couldn't handle the hours and my GP recommended I cut them down and go back onto benefit.

Anyway. My mood declined and I'm in the middle of the worst episode I've had since I was last sectioned, two years ago. I'm struggling even with seven hours, because not only the travel is draining but also because work is an extremely hostile environment and I don't have it in me to pretend to be happy and smiley.

The managers themselves are a big part of the problem. Im not the only person experiencing difficulties there and people have expressed their concerns to me. It's a very intimidating and hostile environment.

I began working because I thought I was ready. I'd been stable for quite a while. It didn't last unfortunately. And now I'm here.

In my performance review, a big part of me getting a bad rating was because I don't use my own initiative and need telling what to do, but a big part of that is because I do need prompts.

Eventually I adopted the attitude that I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to do my work and go. But it's not that simple. Because I am struggling to get out of bed, let alone go through the ritual of getting ready and putting myself through what I consider to be bullying. It's a pack mentality going on and I'm the prey.

[Resident Bipolar]

Here's my plan of action:

- Hand in notice of resignation
- Work months notice
- Take advantage of my sickness benefits by giving myself time to respond to med changes and therapy
- Finish studying in time for exams
- Begin applying for work
- Switch from sickness benefit to employment benefit
- Begin part time work
- Switch to full time work

This is subject to change depending on how I respond to therapy.

Thoughts?

[healingme4me]

Of course you need prompts, autism is a learning disability when you stop and think about it.

You entered this job trying to do what you felt was right. Society has such a voice about those on benefits, yet, one on benefits tries to please that and voila. Double edged sword.

If working is something you want, does your country offer vocational training? There's places around me where they employ people with various types of disability. Just to give a sense of overall well being. In capacities that are structured and routine. And very local.


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[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Of course you need prompts, autism is a learning disability when you stop and think about it.

You entered this job trying to do what you felt was right. Society has such a voice about those on benefits, yet, one on benefits tries to please that and voila. Double edged sword.

If working is something you want, does your country offer vocational training? There's places around me where they employ people with various types of disability. Just to give a sense of overall well being. In capacities that are structured and routine. And very local.


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Yes! This brings me on to my next annoyance. When you're on "Employment and Support Allowance" you're either put into the Work-Related Activity group, in which you have to attend the occasional work-focused appointment and sometimes have access to a scheme that aims to get you back into work, and provides work placements for those with severe disabilites (they have links with employers to do so) or the Support group, which you're put into if you're completely unable to work (judged by them from medical evidence).

Anyway. I went into the benefits centre and asked to be put into this Work Choice scheme. This would give me a better chance of finding a job that doesn't trigger me, and id have a lot more help throughout the process. I'd rang up about six times until I managed to get an appointment at the benefits centre, and my appointment had been repeatedly cancelled. When I finally had my appointment, I was told "oh you don't need to do this because you're in the support group". However, I insisted. So he finally said he'll try to get it sorted and he'll be in contact. I never heard anything back, even though I called multiple times for an update.

[healingme4me]

That brings me to my personal soapbox about how these government systems work, but neither here nor there...
The hours devoted to follow protocol is a job in and of itself.

Do you have a case manager or is everything randomly assigned? Is there an office you can go to without an appointment? When's your next work shift?



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In light of the additional information, I vote for quitting.
There is the transportation time, but also, it I'm understanding correctly, you would basically be pretty substantially penalized for staying there.

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

...I am on sickness for at least another year, or another three months if I chose to stay in the job I'm in…
Nope, there would be no burden on the household if I quit. I don't have any dependants, and my sickness and disability is more than enough for me to live on.

AND it would be no burden on the household? And this would continue to be the case for at least another year if you quit? But could be jeopardized in 3 months if you put it up to the gamble of finding another job?
Financial-assurance-wise, the choice seems obvious. I mean, it'd be one thing if you were only doing it for that reason. But you're not looking to take undue advantage of it --You really are struggling. So it's a completely legitimate consideration.

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

And I tell you, working in a job where you're serving customers constantly and therefore having to smile and are expected to talk all the time during a depressive episode, drains me even more...

I so hear you on that!

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

Yes! This brings me on to my next annoyance. When you're on "Employment and Support Allowance" you're either put into the Work-Related Activity group, in which you have to attend the occasional work-focused appointment and sometimes have access to a scheme that aims to get you back into work, and provides work placements for those with severe disabilites (they have links with employers to do so) or the Support group, which you're put into if you're completely unable to work (judged by them from medical evidence).

Anyway. I went into the benefits centre and asked to be put into this Work Choice scheme. This would give me a better chance of finding a job that doesn't trigger me, and id have a lot more help throughout the process. I'd rang up about six times until I managed to get an appointment at the benefits centre, and my appointment had been repeatedly cancelled. When I finally had my appointment, I was told "oh you don't need to do this because you're in the support group". However, I insisted. So he finally said he'll try to get it sorted and he'll be in contact. I never heard anything back, even though I called multiple times for an update.

Understanding systems can be hard, even when they're the ones in your own country -- and I don't think these larger things come into play in your immediate situation -- but just for my own clarification…
The Employment and Support Allowance. Is this what you have traditionally been on? Is it something that comes up for periodic review? If so, is there any reason you think your status within it might be jeopardized?
I get why you'd seek the help of the Work Related Activity Group if you didn't qualify for the support group. But you're already qualified for the support group. Is there something that impels you to seek the other? Just curious, as there doesn't seem to be any kind of obligation involved.

What are these exams of which you speak?

Regarding your partner… I wonder if maybe there's not a bit of projection at play there. Maybe he is having some feelings of guilt on his own account. Not to play Dr. Cyber-Psych, but it's a possibility. It might make you feel better to at least consider that his comment may not actually be a reflection on you.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

Here's my plan of action:

- Hand in notice of resignation
- Work months notice
- Take advantage of my sickness benefits by giving myself time to respond to med changes and therapy
- Finish studying in time for exams
- Begin applying for work
- Switch from sickness benefit to employment benefit
- Begin part time work
- Switch to full time work

This is subject to change depending on how I respond to therapy.

Thoughts?

Sounds like a very well thought out plan. Better to put such plans in action than wait and end up sectioned again. Med changes can take time, good of you to plan that in advance. A differnt type of job with support for your disability in the future sounds much better than what you are now putting up with.

[quasicrystalline]

I've worked retail before, and I sympathize. It truly sucks the life out of you. I hope you're able to find another job that better suits you, and your plan of actions sounds solid.

You seem like such an intelligent young man from your posts, and I wish you all the best.

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Understanding systems can be hard, even when they're the ones in your own country -- and I don't think these larger things come into play in your immediate situation -- but just for my own clarification…
The Employment and Support Allowance. Is this what you have traditionally been on? Is it something that comes up for periodic review? If so, is there any reason you think your status within it might be jeopardized?
I get why you'd seek the help of the Work Related Activity Group if you didn't qualify for the support group. But you're already qualified for the support group. Is there something that impels you to seek the other? Just curious, as there doesn't seem to be any kind of obligation involved.

What are these exams of which you speak?

Regarding your partner… I wonder if maybe there's not a bit of projection at play there. Maybe he is having some feelings of guilt on his own account. Not to play Dr. Cyber-Psych, but it's a possibility. It might make you feel better to at least consider that his comment may not actually be a reflection on you.

You've pretty much understood everything exactly as I meant it. Sometimes it takes a while to get the important information out of me, in fact the difficulty of explaining my emotion, thoughts and personal situation has caused many a moment of frustration for myself and my psych. So sorry about that if I haven't been clear.

Employment and Support Allowance is what I've been on since my last major relapse, around a year and a half ago. It's like sick pay but it isn't paid by an employer, and it can be long term or short term. I've been awarded it until at least Feb 2016 but yep, it's a benefit that is reviewed but I don't believe it'll change until I'm judged fully fit to work by my psych.

The reason I want tto move from the support group to the WRAG is because there are schemes they make you go into if you are in the WRAG but if you're on the support group, they don't want to know. You're sort of untouchable because you're deemed to be somewhat of a "write off" and potentially a waste of resources if they feel I won't progress. Which we know isn't true - Bipolar doesn't render me, or anyone for that matter, permanently unfit for employment.

So basically I want to be moved into the WRAGroup so I can get help going back into work, which isn't available for me in the Support Group. The advisor I saw basically had the following attitude: "MMeh. You're not required to attend so why would you want to?" Well I want to because I want he'll finding employment stability.

See. There's a scheme, in which I was referred to years back but I never went to because I relapsed and was hospitalised. It's a scheme that has links with employers to get you into paid work, and they provide a lot of support throughout the process of settling in, along with a support worker to occasionally go into work with you to support you. I wanted to be referred to this scheme again, because I don't "hhave to" go to it, which meant he just brushed me off. Maybe because I'm not a statistic to be met if I'm in that group.

So if I was in the WRAGroup, id actually be forced to go into this sscheme instead of begging to go into it and bring turned down because I "ddon't have to". Hope that explains it.

As for your theory on my partner, perhaps you're onto something. To be honest, i dont think he fully understands. It's hard to emphasise until you've been there.

No need to apologize -- You've actually explained it quite clearly, which is no small feat with gov't programs(!) That supported work program sounds like a good one. I hope you're able to get into that at some point. (Meh. Don't worry about that guy.) Do they have it set up so that one can work not only in a job suited to them, but also to a number of hours that is appropriate to how they are doing? That'd be pretty sweet.

Is giving a month's notice usual there? Here it's usually 2 weeks, at least for the kinds of jobs I know. Either way, it's always nice to be able to see that point, to reel it in from that "forever" feeling. Makes it easier with a countdown.
(Good Morning! That's a nice tnetennba! Sorry, wherever the word "countdown", is, I can't help but think of Moss… )

It sounds like you've got a good game plan with good reasoning behind it. Let us know how it goes, ok?

[Resident Bipolar]

Damn

So today I noticed my partner was very "off" with me. And I dunno. It got to me. He said he had a lot of stuff on his mind but didn't want to talk about it but that he wasn't being off with me and he was sorry if it seemed like it was. Hmm. Okay.

I ignored it a little longer. When it came to half 9, he went up to bed without saying goodnight. That was the limit for me. I knew something was amiss then. Anyway. After a lot of talking, he came out with an admission. He's not worried about me leaving my job because of money or financial stability reasons.

He's scared of how his mum will react. How his mum would react to me leaving my job. I live with him and his mum you see. However, I don't see why it should irritate her - I'd pay the same amount of my rent, I wouldn't be much worse off financially (in fact, if I stayed there for a year I'd be £100 a week worse off because I'd lose all financial assistance and my job does not pay well) and I'd still be doing the same amount of chores, if not more.

He ended up crying. He feels as though he's in an awkward situation because he either thinks or knows (depending on the outcome) his mum will complain about me leaving my job, because she "wont look at it that way" - basically meaning she won't get the fact that I am actually ill. She seems to think there is nothing wrong with me, and that I should just "deal with it" because she knows this Bipolar lady that is in work.

Still. It doesnt affect her ANY way. In fact, it would benefit her because I'd be doing more chores in my extra spare time.

Im in such a crappy situation. I don't get why this is like this.

I can't even explain :'(
Im sorry I cant explain further right now. I don't know how to find the words. I'm just. I FEEL SO TRAPPED. Im sorry.

Trying so hard not to run away tonight.
I want to escape it all