So, I go in to see my doc today and got new doses and mg for my mini pharmacy that I seemed to have collected lately. Everything from that visit was fine. Afterwards, I go to see my gyno...

[ trigger ]Then, I get all felt up with cold, clammy, and obtrusive hands just to find out that I have a freaking lump... [ /trigger ]

I was already anxious and near panic attack earlier... I had a heart rate of 130 upon arrival, before I even took my adderall, but she opted out of giving me any straight up anxiety meds and just bumped my Trazadone from 150mg to 450mg. Along with adding a few new ones. I'm sure my pharmacy thinks I'm nuts. Hopefully, it actually works...

I'm so stressed out, panicked, and sad. I just want to go to sleep, but apparently I'm not capable of it at the time.

Sorry for venting... I'm just upset and frustrated.

[~Christina]

I'm so sorry your dealing with all this

It always seems when the shyt hits the fan its doesn't just hit.... it engulfs the entire thing Do you have further testing scheduled on the lump ?

I hope the increase in Traz helps take the edge off.

Be kind to yourself

I was referred to an oncologist at the hospital where my pdoc works... I called and set up an appointment for 2 weeks from now. But, as soon as I did that, my pdoc called and told me that she spoke with my gyno and they agreed to call in a prescription for birth control bc the concoction of pills I'm on work off estrogen or something along those lines. My blood work came back after my first appointment and I'm apparently really low on estrogen and they seem to believe that could be what is creating the mass. I've never heard of that as a side effect, but they have the degrees, right??

Btw... I went off the pill for specific reasons. It made me super volatile and unreasonably emotional. Plus, I'm unable to sustain any type of relationship due to my "personality quirks", so it was a useless $60/month spent.

Now, I have up to 11 (not sure, I've seem to have lost count at this point) different meds to fill monthly and the pill is likely to make me be a miserable human. FANTASTIC!!

Once again, sorry for ranting. I'm just super frustrated and scared. Also, irritated about the Effexor bc anything that boosts seratonin makes me either manic or in a mixed state. I told her 3 dfferent times that I do not like SSRI's or SNRI's and she knows in great detail about how I stole a car and decided to drive to another state while on them.

Thank you for your support and I sincerely hope that I am not bombarding or triggering anyone with this tirade. I legitimately have no one to talk to and don't trust talking to anyone given what happened with my so-called bestie last night and I find solace in the anonymity of like minded people. So, once again I thank you guys and feel privileged to be a part of this community.

[~Christina]

Eeegads what a mess.. The deal about the estrogen causing lumps I can say it happened to me. Wicked scarey.

Im glad you have an appointment set.

As for all your meds? well ... I once found that I was taking over 10 meds a day between my Bipolar and Fibro ..I felt like a toxic soup.. I made a sooner appointment with my Pdoc and had a list of what I was currently on for everything .. I had a few that just don't mix well and were causing me more problems, so we removed and made dose changes and it did help..

Be your own best advocate. Keep posting

Yeah, you should have heard the consult my pharmacist gave me... he was astonished when he saw how dramatically my dosages were raised. I'm on week 3 of medication. I definitely feel like it's too much.

Plus, once my pre authorizations come through (if my doc ever makes the phone call to my insurance), I will be adding provigil, and birth control. Also, I just picked up my new meds and have topomax in there. It seems like I have 3 verrrry similar drugs that are prescribed at high dosages.

I am really unsure of which direction she is going on this and it makes me nervous and paranoid.

Btw... Christina, you're awesome! I feel less scared about the lump now.

[~Christina]

When did you start on the psych meds? Did your Pdoc start one at a time and watch for side effects or was he/she "pen happy" and started you on multiple ones at the same time?

This is my second go around with psych meds... I've always been adhd, but the first time I was in denial about being BP. I was on lithium and zoloft first and hated it. The zoloft made me hypomanic while the lithium made me a zombie... it was the strangest feeling. Then, I got seroquel and Cymbalta and had a similar reaction but not as dramatic, but I was still crawling out of my skin bc of the serotonin. After that, they threw a cocktail of various meds at me and I eventually decided medication wasn't the route for me.

Recently, I had an episode that scared me and my friend forced me out of my house (I hadn't gotten outside in like 3 weeks, didn't eat or bathe) and told me either I was being dropped off at the psych ward or I was going to call her pdoc. Either way she was taking me to one of the two. I was terrified of inpatient treatment for various reasons, so I chose the latter.

I sat in the lobby sobbing and freaking people out for a few hours due to me not having an appointment until a sweet older lady said that I needed to be seen next and had everyone in the room on my side.

Quite honestly, the next few hours are a blur. I know the pdoc got all my previous medical records from my previous pdoc and quickly and efficiently decided that my previous treatments were the worst possible combinations for me and prescribed me with a bunch of new meds I wasn't familiar with. I still have a hard time knowing which does what, given that I have multiple ones that treat the same problems.

But, I walked out of the office with 8 scripts and completely felt nuts. I was so paranoid to drop off the scripts at the pharmacy bc I knew that they were juding me.

So, the long answer is... Yes, I started 8 different meds at the same exact time... a few of them I was ramping up to higher doses and a couple were just prescribed as PRN. I think my pdoc just wanted to throw whatever at me and see what stuck bc I had such bad adverse effects in the past.

[~Christina]

I can only imagine the hell your body is going through being slammed so hard and fast with those meds. Yes ,agreed you were a mess that day , but I think I would go back with all my pill bottles line them up on his desk and say ... Help , this seems like its way too much to fast.