[raspberrytorte]

Right now I'm going through this pseudo denial situation about being bipolar.

I had an awful day. An anxious day. I couldn't stop thinking about my last episode and how that could have happened to me. I'm 32 years old! Why would I suddenly have a very bad mania induced psychotic situation? It has never happened to me before. And for that matter, how could it have been possible? I'm bipolar type 2. It seems like it happened to a different person or something.

I hate this.

Can anyone else relate? Has anyone else experienced denial, despite the evidence pointing otherwise?

Seriously, sorry about this post. Bad day, upset, conflicted.

And now I feel like I'm on an up swing again. Already! My last episode or whatever was at the end of January. I can't concentrate or focus on any of my projects. I've been pacing. I can't stop moving (well, except for right now obviously). I've been having racing thoughts again. If it wasn't for the seroquel knocking me out at night I'm pretty sure I'd be up all night trying to figure out what certain phrases mean, etc., and once again contemplating the workings of the universe. And it fills me with dread and anxiety. Seriously. This CAN NOT happen to me again!

[~Christina]

Maybe your Mixed ? If your having psychosis, maybe your no longer a BP II but maybe BP I , But end result is your current medications arent working very well ( if your taking any) can you increase your self care and coking skills to try and help things settle down?

Oh the joys of Bipolar

Would be good to give your Pdoc a call and get some help.

I hope your feeling better soon

[BastetsMuse]

I can identify with the manias "having happened to a different person." Oh, how I wish! I've been diagnosed for over twenty years, and sometimes I feel as though the real me is standing just to the left of the manic me, watching in amazement.

I agree with Christina -- call your Pdoc and get some help if you're starting to cycle again. Diagnoses change sometimes, and the stupid label doesn't matter -- you need help now.

[Fuzzybear]

[sorand0m]

Sounds like you on the up, just not the good side of it. Part of me craves being hypomanic (also bipolar type 2). The ideas, contemplating the working of everything and the eureka moments that occasionally pop along with them. The misery that comes with it I don't.

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Can anyone else relate? Has anyone else experienced denial, despite the evidence pointing otherwise?

Absolutely. When the law step in to escort you to a ward and STILL nothing is wrong with you. When you get asked by friends if you're taking drugs because they can't keep up with you, still fine.

Typical bipolar thing, apparently.

[raspberrytorte]

Thanks for the responses. Do have doc appt monday. With new person. Current seeing is really slow with calling back. I had a question two weeks ago and finally heard back yesterday. wtf! lol.

[BipolaRNurse]

I've gone through periods of denial.....usually when I'm ramping up. I was diagnosed three years ago and have wondered many times if I'm just going through a loooong existential crisis. That pretty much went away when I got the bipolar 1 diagnosis last year, but sometimes I doubt THAT diagnosis. Yes, I have full-blown manic episodes but they're not as severe as some peoples'.....and then I realize that bipolar really is a spectrum disorder and maybe my version of BP 1 isn't all that bad. And really, labels don't matter all that much, they're really just a classification system for bureaucrats and health insurance companies to worry about.

[Disorder7]

I live in denial most of the time. I've been evaluated by three, yes, three different psychiatrists and one psychologist. They all have said the same thing. But still most of the time I'm either in complete denial or I consider myself high functioning.

[raspberrytorte]

Haha. Everyone I see has different opinions. One psychiatrist said I was bp1, two others bp2, one thought I had uni depression and tried shoving antideppresants down my throat (he was a ****, doc had while inpatient once, said I wasn't bipolar because I've never taken a bunch of men home from a bar and had sex with them. wtf). Current doc just thinks I have anxiety issues I believe. Oh well. Whatever.

[raspberrytorte]

Come on! **** is a censored word too?!

[quasicrystalline]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Can anyone else relate? Has anyone else experienced denial, despite the evidence

I had a post on here about this just a couple weeks ago. Despite being in the hospital recently for a manic episode, I was going through serious doubts. Thought maybe I was part of the overdiagnosed population and that my doctors had it all wrong.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by quasicrystalline

I had a post on here about this just a couple weeks ago. Despite being in the hospital recently for a manic episode, I was going through serious doubts. Thought maybe I was part of the overdiagnosed population and that my doctors had it all wrong.

How over diagnosed do you think it is? Is it really over diagnosed?

[raspberrytorte]

Because if it is over diagnosed that would be fantastic!!!! Maybe I don't really have it then!

(I mean, it's not great that it's over diagnosed... but I don't want to have it, so if it is, and I don't have it and stuff, that would be great. It would make my life. Seriously. I'd be so happy. No more antipsychotic. No more inpatient stays. No more hallucinations or annoying racing thoughts or delusions and ****.)

But if it is overdiagnosed... what do all these people have instead?

I don't think I'm a unipolar. I have serious anxiety. Maybe ALL of my symptoms really are just anxiety! I'm going in on monday to see a new psychiatrist and get another opinion. Seriously, if she says she thinks I don't have it and just have some ultra scary anxiety disorder I'd be so happy. Just thinking about it is making me happy. I'm so happy right now I want to kiss a plant or something. Know that doesn't make any sense at all, but whatever.

Yippee!!!!

[raspberrytorte]

The doctor I'm seeing right now said that sometimes people can get so anxious they work themselves up into a psychosis. Maybe that's what happened to me. Maybe that's all it is!

[raspberrytorte]

Of course, she's the only one who has said that to me, and the doctor I was seeing for seven years (seven years mind you, and I saw her every three months. She just recently retired.), diagnosed me with bp2. I was seeing her for a long time. I have a history I guess. The inpatient doctor said that, judging from my history, I have it, but maybe he was WRONG. Oh my god I'm so happy. Okay, I'll stop posting. lol

[quasicrystalline]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Because if it is over diagnosed that would be fantastic!!!! Maybe I don't really have it then!

(I mean, it's not great that it's over diagnosed... but I don't want to have it, so if it is, and I don't have it and stuff, that would be great. It would make my life. Seriously. I'd be so happy. No more antipsychotic. No more inpatient stays. No more hallucinations or annoying racing thoughts or delusions and ****.)

But if it is overdiagnosed... what do all these people have instead?

I don't think I'm a unipolar. I have serious anxiety. Maybe ALL of my symptoms really are just anxiety! I'm going in on monday to see a new psychiatrist and get another opinion. Seriously, if she says she thinks I don't have it and just have some ultra scary anxiety disorder I'd be so happy. Just thinking about it is making me happy. I'm so happy right now I want to kiss a plant or something. Know that doesn't make any sense at all, but whatever.

Yippee!!!!

WOW. I was thinking all of my problems were potentially all anxiety, too. It's weird we all jump to the same conclusions. If you were seeing your doctor for seven years, I doubt they misdiagnosed you. For me, I have to remember that I was hospitalized for mania, and during that time, I had little anxiety and actually denied ever having anxiety when the doctor asked me about it. So strange. I've always been super anxious.

One thought I've heard is that BPD is often diagnosed as bipolar because of insurance reasons. BPD is primarily treated with some kind of talk therapy, but bipolar is medication based and insurance would rather pay for medication than other kinds of therapy. Another is that it's gotten trendy now that celebrities have announced they have bipolar.

But I wouldn't jump on it. Some articles say it's underdiagnosed, too. For a while, I was just fishing for any reason I could find to prove I didn't have it.

Another thing. My therapist told me it's rare to never doubt the disorder at some point. Going through periods of denial is almost more evidence we have it.

[quasicrystalline]

I've actually heard of people actively seeking out a bipolar diagnosis. If you have the family history or really, really strong symptoms, and want to get to the bottom of it, that's one thing, but wanting to be bipolar boggles me. When I began seeing a pdoc last year, I was hoping they'd tell me I didn't have it and that my therapist was wrong for suspecting it. At least during some periods, I'm relieved to have an answer to all of my problems, but having this illness can be so overwhelming...

[Disorder7]

Unfortunately, I read that sometimes doctors misdiagnose a patient and label them bipolar instead of what they really have... DID. I don't know which is worse. But a lot less is known about DID than bipolar.
Sorry! If I could remember where I read it I would post the link, but I don't remember much these days.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Maybe your Mixed ? If your having psychosis, maybe your no longer a BP II but maybe BP I , But end result is your current medications arent working very well ( if your taking any) can you increase your self care and coking skills to try and help things settle down?

Oh the joys of Bipolar

Would be good to give your Pdoc a call and get some help.

I hope your feeling better soon

Hi. Sorry. Should have responded to this sooner. I'm on 300mg lamictal, 2mg clonazepam, and 150mg seroquel. I've been taking everything as prescribed. Especially the seroquel so I get enough sleepy time in. My husband was worried, telling me to try and calm myself down because he could tell I was on another upswing. I'm keeping myself in check. So far it's been working.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by quasicrystalline

WOW. I was thinking all of my problems were potentially all anxiety, too. It's weird we all jump to the same conclusions. If you were seeing your doctor for seven years, I doubt they misdiagnosed you. For me, I have to remember that I was hospitalized for mania, and during that time, I had little anxiety and actually denied ever having anxiety when the doctor asked me about it. So strange. I've always been super anxious.

One thought I've heard is that BPD is often diagnosed as bipolar because of insurance reasons. BPD is primarily treated with some kind of talk therapy, but bipolar is medication based and insurance would rather pay for medication than other kinds of therapy. Another is that it's gotten trendy now that celebrities have announced they have bipolar.

But I wouldn't jump on it. Some articles say it's underdiagnosed, too. For a while, I was just fishing for any reason I could find to prove I didn't have it.

Another thing. My therapist told me it's rare to never doubt the disorder at some point. Going through periods of denial is almost more evidence we have it.

It's really interesting how we both think/thought it was all just anxiety related!

My denial also led me to researching dissosociation (sp) as something I had instead of psychosis, but after reading people's experiences with it, I don't think that's what I had. Even talked to my husband about it and he said, on the outside, I was totally NOT in touch with reality! It wasn't just a detachment.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by quasicrystalline

I've actually heard of people actively seeking out a bipolar diagnosis. If you have the family history or really, really strong symptoms, and want to get to the bottom of it, that's one thing, but wanting to be bipolar boggles me. When I began seeing a pdoc last year, I was hoping they'd tell me I didn't have it and that my therapist was wrong for suspecting it. At least during some periods, I'm relieved to have an answer to all of my problems, but having this illness can be so overwhelming...

I don't know why someone would want to have it... they can have mine. lol

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Disorder7

Unfortunately, I read that sometimes doctors misdiagnose a patient and label them bipolar instead of what they really have... DID. I don't know which is worse. But a lot less is known about DID than bipolar.
Sorry! If I could remember where I read it I would post the link, but I don't remember much these days.

What's DID?

[Row Jimmy]

I can relate. I am new to the forum and recently diagnosed with rapid cycling mixed bipolar. I have three or four days of hypomania and then I run into a brick wall. My mind races and I make all sorts of great plans like opening a brewery in Oklahoma City or starting a band and then I am down for three or four days after.

Tagging along is my anger, usually in hypomanic stage. During depression, I get paranoid. All of this in a weekly cycle. Wash, rinse, repeat next week.

Originally Posted by quasicrystalline

I've actually heard of people actively seeking out a bipolar diagnosis. If you have the family history or really, really strong symptoms, and want to get to the bottom of it, that's one thing, but wanting to be bipolar boggles me. When I began seeing a pdoc last year, I was hoping they'd tell me I didn't have it and that my therapist was wrong for suspecting it. At least during some periods, I'm relieved to have an answer to all of my problems, but having this illness can be so overwhelming...

Yeah, I absolutely do not understand how people seek a BP dx out and romanticize the idea of this specific illness.. you can still be a creative genius with or without this specific dx. It gets under my skin bc it makes me feel like I have to live this day in and day out. I have ruined relationships, lost jobs, isolated, denied dx, and ultimately constantly question my ability to be a wonderful mom.

Then, I have the bone wrenching fear that my sweet, innocent child may have to go through the same struggle. It's not a romantic ideology or something that makes your awkward quirks turn into being a creative genius. Half the time it's debilitating and hard to find inner peace while accepting it.

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

What's DID?

Disassociative Identity Disorder, I believe.