[HALLIEBETH87]

Isn't it dumb how bad thoughts come and hit you in the face once you feel healed? It feels unfair and stupid.

I've been hit in the face. It hurts and I'm scared. I'm noticing I'm doing things I don't normally do and that's stupid too. I hate this.

I'm riding it out but I don't see T for two weeks. He's booked up. Anxiety sickens me and bad thoughts/imagery frighten me.

[CANDC]

Hallie, sorry you are feeling hurt and wounded. No one should have to go through that but somehow life keeps changing no matter how much we want to stay in a certain place.

Do you have breathing exercises or things to relax like peppermint tea or even meds that help you?

Feel free to PM me or any community liaison to chat.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Im doing deep belly breathing for anxiety and it helps and Im chilling in my room to feel relaxed. Just bad thoughts keep coming for some reason. Dumb.

[avlady]

yes, tea might help, i drink tension tamer at night sometimes, i think its chamomile and it helps alot. i hope you feel better soon.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I drink that and peppermint. And sometimes wildberry zinger

[Turtlesoup]

Sorry your feeling bad tea works great for me as well & if my anxiety is bad & I'm getting hammered with intrusive thoughts sometimes it also helps to put my headphones on & listen to some relaxing music-I usually kick back in the recliner & light a little incense too-sometimes we just have to have a little soothing time for ourselves-take care

[HALLIEBETH87]

yeah earlier I lit a candle and listened to music and drank tea.

[HALLIEBETH87]

It should be a good. The sun is shine. Birds are singing. I made it through church service.

I'm anxious and feel sick. I have 73 klonopin. I have razors. I have these scary intrusive thoughts and they're getting worse. My coping skills aren't helping.

I sing songs I like. I drank a beverage I like. I'm writing in my pretty journal.

I don't feel ok.

I don't see T for two weeks. He's booked up.

I'm mad I feel this way.

[ChaoticSymphony]

Maybe call a help line?

[HALLIEBETH87]

I might. Scared they'll interpret I'm suicidal but I'm not

[Turtlesoup]

We care about you Can you call your T & leave a message so they could call you & touch base-I have done that several times & it helped. If it is a beautiful day go outside-take a long walk & listen to the birds & try to get out of your head-I have felt like this many times & have gone outside to reduce temptation to SH-please let us know how you are doing

[Crazy Hitch]

(((Halliebeth)))

Sorry to hear this.

I completely understand.

Intrusive thoughts are pretty scary.



Hang in there!

[HALLIEBETH87]

I can try to call tomorrow and get on cancellation list to see if I can see him earlier than two weeks. Idk that I will get to. He's only thursday Tuesday and Thursday.

I just want to take the klonopin and idk why

[HALLIEBETH87]

Originally Posted by Turtlesoup

We care about you Can you call your T & leave a message so they could call you & touch base-I have done that several times & it helped. If it is a beautiful day go outside-take a long walk & listen to the birds & try to get out of your head-I have felt like this many times & have gone outside to reduce temptation to SH-please let us know how you are doing

Thanks, Im doing ok. I have talked to crisis line and a crisis chat too. The thoughts aren't *as* intense as they were. Ive slept all day and Im ready for bed again. Im going to call tomorrow and ask to be on cancellation list to see my T. I am trying to use coping skills to get past these awful thoughts but they haven't been very effective thus far.

Im not sure what else to do. What sane person sits around wanting to pop pills for no identified reason? Im not "suicidal" but Im sad and want to do self-harming things. I have phenigrin I would take with the klonopin and maybe I would get sick.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I called T's office and they suggested since Ive called crisis line twice that I leave a voicemail for him and he will probably call me back after hes don't with session he's in. He has open clinic on Thursday I could maybe see him if I went but that's so far away.

Who prescribes your meds? Can you talk to them?

[HALLIEBETH87]

My spychiTrist. Idk if I can. I have these from my last dr.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I just sleep when Im not obsessing over this. My mind is jublmed. I try to sty awake but Ive been tired lately too. My T hasn't called Back :/

[emgreen]

You seem to go from one crisis to another. I feel badly for you.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Originally Posted by emgreen

You seem to go from one crisis to another. I feel badly for you.

You don't mean that in a mean way do you? :/

[Hexagram]

Maybe you could entrust that Klonopin stockpile to a friend who could ration it back to you? You keep mentioning the pills as if they're a weapon that you've assembled against yourself. Disarm it.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I got to talk to T.

He has me going to an emergency appt at his office to see someone available. Them he asked me to come see him thursday in his open clinic. Then other option he gave was to go to the er. I don't want to do that. I gave him my word I'd do then other two,

I'm nervous.

Great, I'm glad you're getting to talk to someone finally! I hope the talk helps and that maybe they will help you to get some meds added/changed if things continue to be as bad as they have been for you.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I saw a t there and we talked an hour and a half. I gave her
Pills and they'll be locked up for now. I signed a safety
Plan. I will be going to see my t early thursday morning. I fe better a little but not great..