Has anyone else experienced what some call a spiritual emergency? I was raised Christian but due to "church hurt" I started questioning my beliefs. I had a weird psychotic episode that led me to travel out of town with my daughter in 2010 on some spiritual messiah trip to save God's people. At first when I awakened. I thought I was "God" (literally the God of the old testament) and the Hebrew messiah returned. Needless to say, I was hospitalized and my daughter went with her father. That was my first episode. While in the hospital, I thought Michael Jackson's spirit was trying to contact me.

Anyway, I had several other experiences and they diagnosed me with psychosis and bipolar disorder. Since then I have dabbled into several religions and now I am just spiritually confused. Anyone else experience this?

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi theintrovertwoman

Thank you for introducing yourself to us.

Welcome to Psych Central.

This is a great place to be for online support.

I do not have personal experience wiht the type of spiritual confusion that you are specifically describing, although I have personally had some religious issues. I have heard of those who have experienced what you have, and hopefully they may be able to come forward and share their journey with you.

There are a number of Forums here at Psych Central that you are free to browse around. Consider this like your personal Library. Nobody knows what you are looking at really. I could be busy reading Charlie Brown and the Chocolate Factory Book right now paging through the Chapter on Oompa Loompas and you wouldn’t know.

So don’t worry about what Books your Read. You are free to Browse all you like. If you feel like it, you are free to enter a Chapter in a Book in this Library that is available to you. You do this by Creating a Post. Research has shown that those who choose to actively Write gain more from their experience in online forums. You are free to choose whether you Browse or whether you Write a Chapter. If you write a Chapter, please anticipate a response to your Chapter that you have contributed towards our Magnificent Library. And in doing so you unconsciously help others Browse our Special Library too and provide members unknown Knowledge that we are not alone. There are so many just like us. We all have a different Chapter to write. Or a different Book to Read. But there are many of us here at Psych Central that keeps this Library of Knowledge alive. Thank you for being a part of this.

If you need any help or support navigating the site please feel free to contact one our Community Liaisons. We will be happy to help you.

May you find the comfort and support that you deserve.

Take care.

Hooli

Welcome. I have not experience what you have but have read many experience of other people here who have experienced similar so I hope they come along and read your thread. I wish we had the tagging system on this forum!

I am very interested in spirituality and mental illness. I am on a journey of discovery myself in spirituality. I have heard it can be hard to come back to earth after such an experience.

Goodluck and good wishes.

Thanks for the replies. Yes, Supanova, it is hard to come back to earth. I had really strange psychosis where I felt like I was leaving my body. One time I started doing some strange martial arts like movements on the side of the road and someone called the police I guess to report a crazy person lol. I spoken in weird unknown languages to them and they took me off to the hospital. I kept do my martial arts movements (bare in mind no training) and they put me in restraints.

This was after I read the Tao Te Ching and some other ancient spiritual texts like the Bhagavad Gita. I once again believed that I was God. I blurted it out in the hospital while in the psych bed.

I kept going to the hospital for my psychosis. It was really scary. I've had worse episodes involving psychosis, hearing voices, and seeing things that was not so spiritually enlightening.

[Desafinado]

Interesting that your psychosis led you further into religion, for me it did the opposite (in a way).

Before psychosis I wasn't religious, and towards my first break I became religious. Once I had my first break, however, the religion dissipated as I realized my psychotic experience was nothing but a 'waking dream'.

Believing in religion is one thing, but believing in it because of mental perturbation is another. If you truly want to understand religion then I'd suggest that you seriously study it. Learn it's history back to it's roots, read reviews and criticisms. Don't just rely on what's happening in your own head.

All that said, I can definitely empathize because psychosis has always felt very real to me too. A part of you wants to believe it because the idea that you're 'special' is much more interesting than the alternative explanation: you have mental health issues, and most occurrences in life only have the value you give them.

[lunaticfringe]

I had something similar happen to me.

It's been very confusing because at the time I thought I was very spiritually advanced and even enlightened. Now knowing I was psychotic, it is hard for me to revisit spirituality of any kind now. Even though I would like to be a spiritual person, I am wary because I feel it is dangerous territory for me.

Yeah it kind of is dangerous territory, lunaticfringe. I'm trying to minimize my psychotic episodes. I'm also kind of afraid to approach any supernatural religions these days. I thought about approaching more rational religions that appeal to reason like Deism or Pantheism, but I still have questions about what I experienced during psychosis. I think Deism teaches God made the universe and then abandoned it, and I don't believe that. I liked pantheism because it taught that everything was divine/sacred and to rely on nature and science as evidence for God. The only reason I haven't become a pantheist is because I still believe in an eternal soul and divine intervention. I'm just trying to figure out if any of my previous experiences were heading towards enlightenment or just insanity.

[Sunnyhunny00]

I had a different spiritual experiance. I could hear God's thoughts.
Problem with my grandios is that it was actually helping people around me. --Their own words.

The thoughts I experianced were unbelievably revealing. Bringing me to know things I possibly couldn't. Some can't be proved... Others were.

One time I was asked something about money and a few days later received a check in the mail for $100.
Another time I was told to go by a number 14 lottery ticket. I never buys those things, waste of money. But I did anyway and won another $100.

Because of so many things actually becoming a true experiance that can't be denied, my grandios lasted for several months.

I never once doubted any of it... Until the depression came back full throttle kicking me out of the false happiness I was in.

Crazy thing is I can still hear these thoughts on occasion even on my meds now but without the anxiety, unrealistic goals and odd behavior. I honestly don't know what to believe anymore.

[Sunnyhunny00]

For example: My family, consisting of gma, mom, and two sisters all HATED each other. Cops were always called when they were together. To have them all together had been impossible for over 10years.
I was always the mediator.

After the grandios started, I would go to each one individually and tell them what I was being told. I never said "I can hear God." I wanted them to take me seriously so I just passed on the words in a matter of fact kind of way.
It was only a few short months after doing this that my entire family had their first Christmas together in over 10years. Not a single fight, or cop. Nothing but laughs and joy.

My efforts have now proven to not be long term... But for what it's worth... The grandios I was experiencing made something thought to be impossible happen for the first time in over a decade.

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) introvertwoman. I have various times when I became more aware of my inner dialogue. It is very creative and can morph into many things. The way I keep stable is to keep reminding myself these are only thoughts.

Mindfulness and breathing awareness are two things you can do to become more aware of the here and now without needing to take on other religious beliefs or worshipping someone or something.

There are articles that go into more detail about coping using mindfulness
Psych Central - Search results for Mindfulness

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Some people at PC will find a therapist will help them sort out the roots of their life.


Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Thank you, CANDC. I will try practicing mindfulness and see if it works for me.