[corbintech]

I just joined the forum a short while ago. I have lurked before joining for awhile and now I respond from time to time.

I believe I may be the opposite of most of the people on here. I notice that most of the posts I read that people do not want to be in the manic state, well, I live there.

I was diagnosed with manic depression at 7 years old. I had a really tough childhood as my parents did not want me and I grew up in homes without a feeling of love. I was the youngest person to enter the system at the time (homes) and because of my situation, I was a very angry child and this followed me through my childhood years until I was an adult (I was kicked out of my home at 16 and been on my own ever since (now 40)).

I never slept much. If I got 4 hours of sleep I was good to go and many times I got much less. My mind races, every day, all day, my whole life. I talk fast, have a tendency to be a little loud. I have a temper that I have managed to tame but I don't take much before I get fired up.

Unlike what seems many people on here, I hate to slow down. If my mind slows, I get bored. I spend way to much money and that is something I am trying to get under control and it may be working, slowly.

I am disabled because of the way I am. People have a bit of a hard time getting along with me because it is hard for me to relate with people. I don't and have never understood "normal" and the thought of me ever being "normal" actually scares me after all these years me being the hyper/fast thinking person I am.

I guess the purpose of this post is, what is it about being manic that people with bp generally don't enjoy? I'm just trying to understand. I can't imagine my life any other way and when I do hit a depressed state I am quick to try and reverse it to get back to where I feel entertained by my own thoughts.

[~Christina]

I wasnt diagnosed until age 43, my life kinda went "splat"

I spent most of my life hypo/manic 95% of the time. Usually just enough under wraps to enjoy my life and stay outta trouble.. but age 43 lots of things happened and I just "broke" So I had to learn how to pick myself up and figure how to go about life, I did the whole "Med Merry Go Round " Was a zombie for a while (bleh) but eventually I learned how to be "okay" again. I do have to pay attention to my Hypo and I can go pretty high , but it can flip into a full mania and those are always ugly hot messes of rage.

So .. I choose to try and hover right above what I consider my baseline. I did adjust "myself" to living in not a constant neon screaming life. but I am not flat, I refuse to be flat. That is no life for me. I have a lot of self awareness "most all the time" but I have people that will poke me and give me a heads up if I start to tilt too much.

Im right now coming outta of a fantastic Hypo that was glorious but got slapped real hard with a gigantic trigger, So a bit of a mess. I am med free by choice and my pdoc is okay , as I cycle on or off meds so no need for ingesting chemicals daily.

Welcome to PC

Hi welcome Corbin tech!

I sure love hypomania, it's the full blown one that I really don't care for. Unfortunately, I cycle down into depression, so I take a stabilizer. Unfortunately, I stablize on the depressed side. Who wants that? So we added 25 mg. of prozac to bring me up above baseline. If I want to get a little more going, I'll take 30 mg just to get a little higher. I can only stand it for a little while before It starts grating on my nerves and I end up staying up all night for a couple days. I'm glad that you're good with what you got going. Everyone has their own opinion as to how they want to live their lifestyle with tons of responsibilities or none at all. I've got a business to run and I tend to get too hyped up and all I do is run in circles getting nothing done. I hope you do well and be okay.

[boydisappearing]

My manias are really fun at first, but after a couple of weeks or more of not sleeping and constantly needing to do stuff, create stuff, talk to people all the time about everything, the impulsive shopping, the reckless behaviour, it all starts to feel extremely draining, or like it SHOULD be draining except I have so much energy and I feel it spiral out of control but I can't stop it for the life of me. It's like I can feel myself burning out. Then the psychosis hits.

[corbintech]

Thanks for the replies.

I guess in a way, I am a bit lucky. Being diagnosed at an early age and having to live with this for so long and learning how to deal with it may have been a good thing for me.

I love the racing thoughts. In the last week they have picked back up. I went through a time where I was scared to eat because I choked on some food. Needless to say, I went from 230 pounds down to 150 pretty fast with no thought about what I might be doing to my body. I've been run down for about a year and now I am taking a high end vitamin and I am picking back up and I am very glad. (back up to 190 as well (I am a 6 foot male)).

I guess it all boils down to being used to things the way things are for us. If you are manic everyday of your life, you have to learn to adapt and move forward. If being manic is a kick in the rear, I can see where it would not be a great thing. The year of being "down" was miserable for me. I lost interest in things and was bored and tired all the time. I guess I was kicked into a lack of nutrition depressive state and that was the fist time in my life anything like that ever happened and it was unchartered territory for me. I'm very glad I am coming around.

Thanks again for the replies.

[BipolaRNurse]

I love my hypomania. Life is great, the sun always shines, I love everybody, etc., etc. Full-blown mania, however, is NOT fun---for me or anyone else unfortunate enough to deal with me. I am irritable and mean, I start arguments, I spend way too much money (thinking I owe it to myself for all the crap I put up with), I fly into rages. That's why mania is not a good thing for me. But I'd stay hypomanic all the time if there were only a way to do it. ~sigh~

[RisuNeko]

Mania brings psychosis for me, then I feel too dangerous to drive, go to work, school etc. Hypomania and just having breakthrough symptoms of mania is fine. Racing thoughts are interesting as long as they're positive and not self-defeating, I rarely sleep no matter what state I'm in. I'm hypo now and I feel great!