[sorand0m]

The last week has been getting worse. My life so far, I've been in a boxing ring. Each time I get knocked down its getting harder to stand back up again, to find my feet.

I keep getting back up but how much longer I can do this... I don't know. I don't care.

I'm drained. I don't see things getting better. I'm just waiting for the knockout now, some peace from all this. Will I repeat this to my doctor? No. I'm sick of this merry go round. I've had enough.

[dshantel]

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time. Just remember that it get's better. It always gets better. That's what I try to tell myself even when it's hard to believe that.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Im sorry youre going through this. Just keep in mind bipolar cycles...this will cycle. It will be over soon. Bipolar lies to us.

[avlady]

i have bipolar too and it is cyclical like someone said. you will bounce back, do you have a doc and t or on meds. they really help.good luck

[cashart10]

It is so hard...

[BipolaRNurse]

Take another look at your signature line. No matter how dark life gets at times, there is always a tiny pilot light of hope. That's the only thing that keeps us alive sometimes. Please hang in there and know that the flame is still burning.

[sorand0m]

Thanks for your support guys. I know this all cycles, I've just had enough of all these ups and downs in my life.

I have nothing. I'm so financially screwed it's not funny. Working is also entirety at the mercy of my mood. I had it all... A great job, financially stable and happiness. I was happy.

Now all I have is this disorder that keeps taking from me. Lies to me. Causes me to make poor life choices, get in trouble with the police.

Im thinking of just skipping my appointments. Even with meds, nothing is changing. I'm still miserable and broken. Seeing my psychiatrist yet again isn't going to change that, or anything.

[Wander]

I too lost everything due to mental illness. It is truly devastating. So sorry you are going through this. At the moment the depression is clouding your vision, as it always does. Don't skip your appointments as there still may be something your pdoc can do to help you. Never give up hope. Keep breathing if that is all you can do. This will pass and there is hope you can get your life back together. I wish you all the best.

[BipolaRNurse]

I know how it feels to lose almost everything. I am sick and tired of losing bits and pieces of me to this illness. I lost my job, my career, my social status and my home. There isn't much left to lose, but I'm sure bipolar will figure out a way to take it from me if I don't watch out. That's why I take my meds, see my doctor, get enough sleep. It isn't always enough, but it's worth doing even if it doesn't eliminate the disease totally. Nothing can do that.

[sorand0m]

I sat down and worked out my financials last night. It's pretty grim at about 2 years of my current salary. I shouldn't have done it but I needed to know. I'm going to end up in court for sure. If can't pay it on a plan, they will take what little I have left.

I have no family to fall back on. They just think that my bipolar is an excuse for my poor life decisions and bad behaviour.

I was doing so well. I did well academically, I got a great job and got promoted fast within a three month period. I was earning 6 times my current salary in a very specialist field. I didn't want for anything, I was happy. Life was great, family, friends, financially secure and feeling well. And then I had a hypo/ manic episode that damn near broke me. Everything gone. Then the 6 month depression that followed. I lost it all.

Now I find myself here years later. Nothing. Lost it all and scrambling to put it all back together is making me even more ill. Meds that make me feel stupid, days and weeks dictated by how my mood is. The never-ending appointments, blood tests and all the other crap that comes with it.

**** you, bipolar. I hate what you've done to me.

[Fuzzybear]

[sorand0m]

Feeling horrific today. Thoughts of doing a very bad thing have started again. Future looks as hopeless as what I've already been through to get here. And I sure as hell can't do another 50 years of this.

Considering a pick-me-up. And it's been a while since I last did that and I hate that I'm even thinking of going down that road again.