[Toodles333]

I'm still waiting.

Had a pretty bad week last week. Lots of promiscuity and spending.

Remarkably, I've been feeling "normal" all day.

I hope everybody else is coping.

T.

[Nammu]

Are you on a wait list? If you have an appointment that's a long way off you can call and ask to but put on wait list so that if someone calls in and cancels they will call you. The down side is they may only call if a new appointment person calls in( more time is allotted to new appointments. ) and you might only get a short notice.

[Toodles333]

I got my appointment letter today. It's for Friday PM.

This can't come soon enough. I just need this f***ing nightmare to end.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm glad it's only two days away.

[Toodles333]

I've just had enough now.

My appointment is with a primary care nurse, I have no idea what she will be able to do for me. The last time they put me in front of a psychiatric nurse, he started preaching Christianity to me. I was severely depressed during that assessment and had no fight in me. If I'd have felt then how I do now, I'd probably have attacked him.

They've asked for the assessment to be held at my Doctors surgery. I'm not sure why this is, but it makes me slightly nervous.

I'm sick of the sound of my own voice. My mind just won't let me rest.

I hate my life!

[Crazy Hitch]

(((Toodles)))

Yeah it's not a comfortable place you're in right now.

Honestly, when my mood state changes to what yours is, self care strategies are really important.

I hope you find some comfort soon.

Hang in there.

[Toodles333]

if I ever get it back, I will never take happiness for granted again.

I've not slept all night. That's the third time in a week. Im not tired. I feel wired most of the time. I have a constant "fizzing" at the front of my brain. Its not a nice feeling. I feel detached from reality. I don't feel part of myself anymore. I don't like what I'm turning into. I still can't see the consequences to my actions. I'm just moving from one disaster to another on a daily/weekly basis.

I need to be listened to and helped. I will snap if this doesn't end soon.

T.

[Nammu]

Would it help to try and write down everything that's going on so the PCNurse can understand that you need a Pdoc ASAP? We get it, but they might need more understanding of how urgent your need is.

[Toodles333]

I've got a log of everything since last November. It makes horrific reading. I can't believe this has taken such a nosedive. I've always been a nightmare but so much has happened in the past 5 months. I've been flying again today. Running around at 100mph. I feel good when it's like this but I know it's not real. I've not had a break from this for months now. My body can't keep up with my brain. The sexual urges have subsided somewhat in the past few days but I know they'll be back! Anxiety levels are pretty low but that will come on in waves totally out of the blue. I haven't been too tearful for the past few days. I've not thought about my behaviour in any detail yet, but when I do, I know I'm going to be in big trouble. I guess that will come when the next "crash" arrives. I've been told since November to expect it, but it's still not come. I'd prefer the deep depression than this. It's horrific and makes me very homicidal, but at least I know where I stand with the depression. The symptoms are pretty straightforward, but with, this it's just evil. i hate what's happening. Every time I question the maximum dose of mirtazapine they made me eat for 9 months, they ALL get defensive. I'm convinced that the medication has induced this latest nightmare. My brain is totally fu***d. I can't process the simplest information. My short term memory is ruined. I can't concentrate on anything. I read a lot on here about Bipolar. Some people dress it up to be ok. Well it's not ok for me. I still don't know if this is what I have, but if it is, F**k you Bipolar. You are taking my life away from me. You are sending me insane. Slowly but surely, you are beating me. You've stolen my friends, my girlfriends, my careers, my hobbies, my interests, my money, my self respect, my dignity, my sense of reason. You've taken everything apart from a little ray of hope. But that is fading. F**k this illness.