[martingal90]

ok i dont feel up nor down at the minute i am pretty neutral just really angry i cant stop thinking of past wrongs i try to get on with things do other stuff take my mind off it but before i know it im up pacing around talking to myself thinking of all these crazy revenge plans the way im feeling just now im 50/50 weather to just go ahead and do it dish out some rough justice but i know violence is not the answer i just cant help how i feel last night i nearly went through with a plan i was so full of rage but the guy didnt show up lucky him i calmed down and thought cleary about how this wasnt in my best interest i dont want to end up in prison with no prospects for the future but now again this morning i am swept up with this rage and desire for revenge

right now i am blaming my illness and telling my self not to act on these impulses and emotions but i don't feel manic i am not happy or elated i am raging i cant think straight i cant focus on anything i just want to pace about and smoke cig after cig i just want to give in to the racing thoughts put some music on and see were they take me

[CANDC]

Hi maringal90. Being on Psych Central has helped me communicate more with people. There are many people dealing with bipolar. I am a caregiver for someone trying to cope with BP. We all help each other and ourselves.

To me it is rarely about the person being sick biologically, although some are suffering in the body. I don't think people are creating the craziness. To me all the abnormalities or unique expressions of selfhood are an expression of the maturity or lack there of of the culture we live in. The culture encourages people to parent in certain ways that are contrary to the natural unfoldment of the stable individual. To me that is the leading cause of how we are in the situation we are in.

Getting out can require additional help or just a stubborn determination to meet our inner qualities and find out what is us and what is what we have been told we are.

Some people at PC will find a therapist will help them. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

There are articles that go into more detail about coping
Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Mania is not always up. I have what is called "dysphoric mania" which means I am agitated, irritable, sometimes angry, sometimes rageful. I almost never feel remotely good when manic and have a hard time understanding why anyone would WANT to be manic although I do know that it is because mania feels entirely different to them. I've had the other kind of hypomania a few times but never for more than a few days.

I think for my dysphoric mania is part of mixed episodes but I think it can exist without being mixed as well.

[Hexagram]

Originally Posted by martingal90

crazy revenge plans the way im feeling just now im 50/50 weather to just go ahead and do it dish out some rough justice but i know violence is not the answer i just cant help how i feel last night i nearly went through with a plan i was so full of rage but the guy didnt show up lucky him i calmed down and thought cleary about how this wasnt in my best interest i dont want to end up in prison with no prospects for the future but now again this morning i am swept up with this rage and desire for revenge

I was once where you are now. Mania often compromises your judgement, so your need for revenge, the justifiability of your revenge and the prison-worthy violent particulars may not make sense to you (or others) later.

[Row Jimmy]

Oh man! I hear you. I go through many stages of paranoia, anger, and revenge, blaming all sorts of things on people, society, the computer systems at work, etc. It affects my judgment to a point at which I can't think, make foolish decisions, and generally self destruct. I threw my trash barrels off the side of my house a few months ago. My wife said "uhhhh that's not normal behavior". And she was right.

So I went to get some help and so far, so good. I can take my trash out without the neighbors running for cover. And as you point out, nothing good comes from that sort of thinking.