[Elles0]

Do you ever feel younger than your years? Lost time? The majority of my 20's were squandered in a haze of prescription drugs and an invalidating environment. It almost feels like I slept for years. I fell asleep at 18. And I woke up now, 10 years later.

Now I am moving and taking college classes. My anxieties, what I cannot share with anyone: choosing a medicare advantage plan--hoping it's nothing too obviously "medicare" because I don't want to relive the awkward moment an ignorant nurse points out, "But this insurance is for people who are 65"; deciding whether or not to wear long sleeves to cover my faded, yet still noticeable, scarred arms in my new area (though if I'm really honest, I'm certain I'll endure the discomfort as I have for years.) People have no tact; finding a psychiatrist, a doctor, when I say the word "Bipolar" it changes what I am to most people.

The ever-present question, "what can I really see myself doing?"--the frightening answer to this has been "I don't know." I'm still receiving SSDI. I've held several jobs (all except for one were retail) in the past few years in an attempt to "normalize". I had such difficulty holding down a job. How will I ever "grow up"? How will I ever get away from all this?

[wildflowerchild25]

I have always felt like I lost time to depressive episodes. I lost a year of my life to bipolar and bpd symptoms, going in and out of the hospital. Thankfully I got treatment early so I was able to "wake up" at 19 and continue my life from there. I went to college later than my classmates but I did go. I received ssdi for four years in my early twenties.mbut I eventually got it together.mi don't think you can rush anything. Growing up, as you say, takes time.

[Daladykiller]

Originally Posted by Elles0

Do you ever feel younger than your years? Lost time? The majority of my 20's were squandered in a haze of prescription drugs and an invalidating environment. It almost feels like I slept for years. I fell asleep at 18. And I woke up now, 10 years later.

Now I am moving and taking college classes. My anxieties, what I cannot share with anyone: choosing a medicare advantage plan--hoping it's nothing too obviously "medicare" because I don't want to relive the awkward moment an ignorant nurse points out, "But this insurance is for people who are 65"; deciding whether or not to wear long sleeves to cover my faded, yet still noticeable, scarred arms in my new area (though if I'm really honest, I'm certain I'll endure the discomfort as I have for years.) People have no tact; finding a psychiatrist, a doctor, when I say the word "Bipolar" it changes what I am to most people.

The ever-present question, "what can I really see myself doing?"--the frightening answer to this has been "I don't know." I'm still receiving SSDI. I've held several jobs (all except for one were retail) in the past few years in an attempt to "normalize". I had such difficulty holding down a job. How will I ever "grow up"? How will I ever get away from all this?

Your not alone im almost 27 and had almost the exact same thoughts that you did... except that im going on 27 fixing to be divorced twice, in college, and still have no idea who I am or what I want to do.... If we ever figure out the question to how we fell asleep and woke up some years later just as confused as when we were children, by all means let me know.

[Elles0]

I was so vulnerable when I had my worst "breakdown", at age 18. It lasted as long as it did partially because my closest family members treated me so differently- like I wasn't human almost, like I didn't have a future ahead of me. Isn't it terrible when you have enough of your mind to know you are being treated like you're stupid & insane?

I think, "Pull yourself together, run away from all of that. Leave it behind." And the darkest part of me, when it comes out, reminds me of how much I had fallen. It rekindles that fear of withdrawing again. It is the part that comes out, suicidal when I am depressed.