[cashart10]

I had a psychotic break when I was 14. It took about 4 years to recover. I had only mild symptoms of bipolar after that until 3 years ago when I had another MAJOR psychotic break. I was seriously extremely stable (besides a major postpartum depression and some mild depressions and hypomanias) up until that point. I home schooled my daughter, niece and good friend's little girl for preschool while keeping my toddler son and nephew. I home schooled my daughter for kindergarten also (during some of this time I was extremely out of my mind and didn't realize it). I maintained my house, cooked dinner and played with my children. I don't mean to brag, I am just trying to make a point. I do none of these things now. I have been a total mess, sometimes completely insane, for the last 3 years and I don't see an end in sight.

My point is I had such long periods of stability despite my extremely severe episodes. Has anyone else had such long periods of stability? Did anyone go from completely together to a psychotic mess in a matter of weeks? To me, it is so bizarre.

[raspberrytorte]

Oh my god yes! I had a severe depressive episode two summers ago. Since that time I was totally (well mostly, just normal ups and downs) stable, and then out of no where I had a psychotic break at the end of this january that I'm still getting over. It seemingly came out of no where! It was my first psychosis experience. Until then I didn't even think I could become psychotic. I don't want to be melodramatic, but I feel traumatized from it and like a different person now.
You are not alone.

Before my psychosis I functioned way better than now. But...I was pretty unstable. My psychosis was bound to happen. I was just on ads and sleep meds. But yeah since that psychosis 4 yrs ago I haven't been the same. I'm asking my pdoc what exactly happened and if I'll ever be the same again. It sucks.

I hope you get things figured out soon.

[jacky8807]

yes...it seems a major psychotic episode definitely does something to the brain. I am so sorry you are dealing with this cashart......as I know the pain I can fully empathize. It hard for the rest of the world because they just haven't been THERE.
from your posts it seems like you are kind of mixed to me then straight up down. I know it is hard to go ip with kids but in the long run....well you know
not to give a cliché but if you had a heart attack and then a MAJOR heart attack would you expect yourself to carry on forever after as usual
we cant beat ourselves up just because we cant see it

from: a psych central friend who may never sleep again

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm still new around here but I think you know I'm pretty unstable. Most of the time better than I used to be when I was working and before the blessing of menopause but still very unstable and extremely hard to treat. And for most of my adult life I have been very unstable, on and off different meds and various doses, trying anything to get some stability.

But even with that I can say it IS possible to get a lot better if the meds just get to the ideal place and you happen to be in a good place too. In 2009 I was started on an MAOI (Emsam) and because it was stimulating my Seroquel was doubled to 600 mg and I changed from ativan to klonopin which was a really good change for me. I was also taking nuvigil and I kind of think that started about that time as well. That combination of meds (plus lithium and side effect meds) made me really well for the first time. I still struggled with work but I was able to really enjoy life. I slept on a routine schedule. I lost weight and kept it off for a long time. I was just in general happy and people did not know about my illness. I wasn't wearing it on my sleeve anymore. That lasted over a year and then I caught whooping cough (allergic to the shots so I didn't have them in full doses and didn't get immunity) and was physically really sick for months. I was also have gyn issues at the time and so physically I wasn't nearly as good as I was psychiatrically for a change. But I still did great up until a drug we had no way of knowing I'd react to was given during surgery for the gyn issues and that was the end of my good time. But I had an entire 14 months of doing GREAT and it would have gone on longer if only I wasn't allergic to those shots and if they'd given zofran instead of reglan during surgery.

I called that time "my miracle" and I really believe it was. I wasn't able to do anything i wanted but I definitely could do most things without having to think about whether I was well enough to do it. When I told my supervisor at work that I had bipolar as part of explaining why I would be off work for extra time around surgery (I thought I had to go off the MAOI for 2 weeks before but was able to go on a special protocol to avoid that) she was visibly surprised and said 'well you sure cover THAT well". Nobody had ever said that to me before.

So don't give up. The right meds in the right doses can make a huge difference and did for me even after I'd been on a good 40-50 cocktails by then over 11 years since I started treatment for "depression".

There IS hope, lots of it. There are so many meds now and new ones coming out all the time. Just 13 years ago there were I believe 3 meds approved for bipolar. We've come a long way since then and new stuff is due out soon. There is always hope.

Originally Posted by cashart10

I had a psychotic break when I was 14. It took about 4 years to recover. I had only mild symptoms of bipolar after that until 3 years ago when I had another MAJOR psychotic break. I was seriously extremely stable (besides a major postpartum depression and some mild depressions and hypomanias) up until that point. I home schooled my daughter, niece and good friend's little girl for preschool while keeping my toddler son and nephew. I home schooled my daughter for kindergarten also (during some of this time I was extremely out of my mind and didn't realize it). I maintained my house, cooked dinner and played with my children. I don't mean to brag, I am just trying to make a point. I do none of these things now. I have been a total mess, sometimes completely insane, for the last 3 years and I don't see an end in sight.

My point is I had such long periods of stability despite my extremely severe episodes. Has anyone else had such long periods of stability? Did anyone go from completely together to a psychotic mess in a matter of weeks? To me, it is so bizarre.

[wildflowerchild25]

I had a bad adolescence due to trauma and neglect issues. It culminated in ECT treatments when I was 19. Then I was EXCELLENT until I turned 25. I hadn't self harmed in six years, I had a baby, I got married, I finished college...and then...everything just fell apart. I've yet to figure out why. I had to have ECT again in the fall, after six hospitalization and two psychotic breaks. But I feel pretty good again. I still hate hospitals and police (just because it reminds me of being taken away in police cars to the hospital), and get nervous when ambulances are around...even around the school psychologist bc I'm afraid he can figure me out...but overall I'm doing well and I hope to god I get another six years out of this.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

At one point I was actually asking for ECT. For some reason I've totally forgotten I wasn't a candidate then. And now I probably wouldn't be a candidate because I've had a couple of bad anesthesia experiences. Which is fine because my MAOI works well and has for 6 years but if MAOIs quit then ECT would be almost all that is left and it scares me that I might not be able to do it. (Of course with everything exhausted they might do it when they wouldn't have before). I've seen such good things with a few people who had it. I'd also have problems with living too far away to do the outpatient part so I'd either be inpatient through the whole series or would have to have someone somehow get me there for treatments which would be about 6 hrs of driving per day. Definitely big issues but still a treatment that seems to work so well when it does work.