[Skywalking]

So I'm on meds, same dose for over a year now, no hypomania at all. But I've been low-grade depressed for about five months, which started when a friend died and has continued ever since.

But I feel like it's coming from the situation with my caregiving responsibility, as things have greatly deteriorated with her and it's a challenge for me to do what I need to do. I don't know why exactly I feel it's separate from the bipolar, except that it's not as severe as my previous, much worse depression. Also, it gets worse when bad things happen, and better when good things happen.

I don't know ... can you have stable bipolar but also have a situational depression? Because the mood stabilizer wouldn't work on just typical depression, if what my doctor told me is true, which might explain why I'm not cycling despite having rapid cycling, but have been down for a long while and it seems tied into life events.

Like, I've broken down bawling twice in my life, both in the last five months, and both times because of my caregiving grief. I don't know, something just feels off.

I think you can definitely have just normal depression or happiness that have nothing to do with bipolar.
Just normal moods.

[~Christina]

I have had situational depression that wasn't "part" of my Bipolar... but in a few cases eventually it all blended together and just became an episode that I had to claw my way out of.

Being human and having a range of emotions is normal..... People seem to forget that having Bipolar doesn't mean you wont feel the normal ups and downs of life.

You mention Rapid cycling.. So your having 4 or more distinct cycles in a 12 month period?

I am currently dealing with a ton of situational stuff.. Psych meds are not going to help me deal with it all, Hense why I am still med free, even coming off a week IP stay... I have to process it in Therapy and move forward.

I hope your able to find some peace

[Skywalking]

Christina - I am diagnosed with it, but I've never been able to identify myself as having any kind of cycling, much less rapid cycling. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with it the first appointment, which has always seemed fishy, because how can you tell that fast? But he is absolutely adamant that is what I have. At this point I've given up on getting any details out of him, as he won't even tell me if I'm II or NOS. All he says is I'm not I. I think it's because I don't fit the threshold of diagnosis. I just call it NOS, myself.

At this point I keep my mouth shut and take my lamotrigine. He's just too hard to work with. But the medication has kept me okay, so that's what matters. I just don't think he would help me with this. Thanks for the well wishes.

[gayleggg]

Have you considered trying a different doctor? I can't imagine having a psychiatrist that I couldn't talk to or ask relevant questions.

But I do agree that you can be bipolar and have situational depression. I also believe that stress from a caregiver situation could trigger the depression side of the bipolar disorder, so you could be suffering from both. But that would be a question for your doctor, as I have no medical expertise.

[misscath007]

I can relate. I am also a caregiver and am going through a bad depressive episode. I think it is situational, although I think in my case it might also be tied to my meds. My moods seem to stay on the depressive side anyway. Maybe you can consider changing docs if you are unhappy with the one you have. It may or may not have to do with your meds. I think with your caregiving responsibilites having situational depression is expected.

[Skywalking]

@misscath007 - Thank you especially for replying, I really feel lonely and confused because of this. It's good to hear your input. I guess I am looking for something to help make this easier, but at every turn I hear that it's just the way it is. And maybe I need to accept that it is a suffering I am going to have to bear for a time and nothing is going to help. It's just so horrible sometimes.

I am weighing the options about getting an appointment with another psychiatrist, even if it's just one appointment to get another perspective. Would I have to tell my current psych about it if I did? Is there a way he might find out? Would another psychiatrist be bothered by me going to them when I'm seeing psych #1?

My psychiatrist says I'm stable and for almost a year has wanted to discharge me and have a PA or MD write my prescription (300 mg lamotrigine), but I haven't been able to find one who will do it. They get nervous when they hear "bipolar" and want me to stay with him.

I kind of want to ask about adding a small dose of an antidepressant. I'm hesitant about more meds, but I feel like it might help. Just until I make it through this period in my life. I feel certain that once she passes and I grieve, I will be 90% better and wouldn't need the AD anymore. If this *is* situational, then the mood stabilizer won't touch it.

Sorry folks, I'm just hurting and trying to figure out why and what to do about it. Thanks for the replies.

[~Christina]

You can certainly seek another opinion and rightfully so. No, your current Pdoc doesn't need to be aware. Pdoc's really are use to clients wanting a second opinion, any ones that get there panties in a wad, well you don't want to see one like that anyway.

I just think many people are given that " rapid cycling" diagnosis when in reality the patient is just not on the correct medication to were a person could find there " baseline" . If once baseline and your having more than 4 distinct episodes in a 2 month period ,,Okay find slap that rapid cycling on it.... Anyway...

If your consistantly feeling too low , well then your need a medication and life style self care adjustment to be honest. Mind you I am no Doctor, I have just been around this circus a long time.

Your current Pdoc might think your stable but if your feeling too low , well that's no life for you. Life is about feeling a full range of emotions, good bad and indifferent.

If it were "me" : I would see a new pdoc. I would explain how your feeling in detail , best to write stuff down so you don't forget details of your daily life. Ask for help.. serious say : I need help, I want to enjoy life again.

Be your own best advocate

[Skywalking]

Thanks, Christina. There's a lot of wisdom in what you're saying. I appreciate the info on going about it too. I don't understand how he can give me a rapid cycling diagnosis at the first appointment when he's never seen how my moods change at all and I certainly didn't report them as doing so. I went in there because I had a frightening anger outburst, I was never expecting this diagnosis.

I want to believe him but I'm so confused and he's not helpful.

Part of what I'm working against is an awful fear and deep distrust of all medical professionals that bleeds into outright hatred. It's why I tend to just let things go rather than try to fight him, and also part of why therapy's a no-go for me.

I am thinking a new doc really would be best, if I can work up the courage to go through that again. It's pure torture to me. I hate them all and feel like I'm walking to my death every time.

Sorry, I just feel so strongly. Needed to vent a little. I always feel like I'm whining when I'm honest about it.