[BeyondtheRainbow]

Today I babysat my nieces. And just like every time I go to their homes I drive past what used to be an enormous state psychiatric facility. It's now owned by a university and the Kirkbride buildings have been restored and are beautiful. There's a daycare and children play happily. And yet every time I see it I remember that it could have been so different for me if I were born not too many years before I was. Lithium was a new drug when I was born in the 70s. And so many drugs weren't available. I nearly certainly wouldn't have been ok in the community.

Realistically I would probably have been in a hospital in the town I live in now. We used to run cross country meets there and it was kind of spooky. But compared to the big one near my sister's it was nothing. Every so often I take a detour and drive around up there. Not all the buildings are restored and since it's a college campus lots of people have snuck in and pictures can be found online of the old wards.

I just can't imagine. Now that county is probably the most progressive in the state. As of a few years ago MI adults were eligible for a free camera and photography lessons among other activities for the larger percentage of MI people because some stayed in the community when the hospital shut down.

It makes me feel so grateful, even when the drugs aren't working and the high dose is making me feel icky and I'm tired of fighting to sleep and function even a little bit. Because almost anything is better that than life.

[Crazy Hitch]

Yeah me to JustMeJen - I am remind daily of how thankful I am for this life that I am living; and what it could have been. We all have choices. Doesn't mean we don't think about what was / never was.

Thanks for this.

I totally echo your sentiments.

[gayleggg]

Your story makes me thankful too. I was born in the fifties but didn't become mentally ill enough to get help until the late 70's, before SSRIs and a lot of the current mood stabilizers. I'm truly grateful for the improvements in the care of the mentally ill. I've been hospitalized four times and they were all positive, that would not have been the case many years ago. I hope one day they will come up with cures.

My mom told me stories of her hospitalization back in the early 70s. There used to be a large state hospital about an hour from us. The Farmington State Hospital. It was a huge it had multiple building with dorms, a cafeteria, a school, doctors offices, administrative buildings, and more. She spent a few months IP back then and said the facilities were nice but the treatments and stuff back then were so different. She was an involuntary admission while she was there.

She hasn't been IP since then so I share what my experiences were with an IP unit today and how things have changed. The stays are one of the biggest things that is different from then to today.

It is kinda sad the old state hospital was converted into a prison for this century.

[avlady]

the hospitals were way differrent than todays especially the treatment of the patients. i can not understand why i had to go through what i had to in the 1970's compared to today. i've been hospitalised several times. my last time was actually fun, believe it or not, although the other patients i had to be afraid of, not the staff.

[~Christina]

I was IP when I was young-ish think 1992 and then again 2010.. Alot has changed in just that "relatively" short amount of time in regards to medication and just the way CBT and DBT is used. The majority of people are only IP for at most a couple weeks not months anymore (excluding first time ECT patients) Life long IP is still out there , but advances in treatment has certainly decreased the % of people who need to be IP for most of there lives.

I am lucky.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

So many of the people I worked with when I worked in long-term psychiatric care had spent many years in state hospitals and then wound up in our institutions, usually because they were too ill to cope and ended up homeless and then they'd wind up in the system somehow (jail, food stamps, shelters, etc) and be placed with us. It was really hard seeing some of the things that resulted from their experiences and hearing the stories they'd share. I started working there only a couple years after their last lobotomy patient died. Once when searching storage for a restraint (something I hated but had to do for some patients) the nurse who was helping me and I found a straight jacket that had somehow survived all the years since those had been used and was stuffed in the back of a box. I hated doing any restraints although it was part of my job so I did it, but it was impossible to imagine putting someone in that thing.

Some of the people I worked with had spent their entire adult lives in institutions-jail, state facilities, and ultimately with us. They had little concept of what the world now was like because they experienced only if they were allowed to go to McDonald's or Walmart occasionally. It was so hard or some of them to trust that they'd get enough food or that people were not going to hurt them. And while the place I worked wasn't perfect those weren't issues there; they were issues that came from other places. They made it so much more real and it added greatly to my hospital phobia which was a big issue for quite a while because I was terrified of being hospitalized and so refused it. I finally accepted it when I was going to start an MAOI and going IP was the only way to do that safely since I was a mess before I was even tapered off the old med, much less before I could have waited out 2 weeks to avoid interactions which the hospital let me avoid. I was ok about it then and it hasn't been so bad because I got to a special mood disorders unit that is about as good as it gets. But I'm not sure I'll ever get past the stories of the patients who had such horrible experiences for many years of their lives. The worst things I've had to contend with in IP have been a nurse who I had some conflict with and the dr deemed I was correct which she hasn't forgotten (but my dr says lots of people don't like her), a social worker who doesn't follow through on what she promises she will, and 24 hours of line of site observation that meant I didn't get to sleep because the door had to be wide open and it was noisy and bright. And compared to the stories I've heard that is absolutely nothing.

[cashart10]

I responded to a post the other day posing this exact same idea. I wonder about it a lot. I guess great minds think alike. . I hope you are well!

[raspberrytorte]

My mother-in-law was actually talking about this with my husband, about how good it is that treatment for MI has improved, and that I'm able to get help and meds and live life and not be stuck in some psych ward.

(I couldn't imagine spending months inpatient. Seriously. I was climbing the walls by the fifth day last time. lol!)

I wish they had long term treatment facilities here. My longest admission has been just over 3 months but that was a decade ago. My most recent was 6 weeks. I said I never wanted to go back but when life gets too hard I wish I could go somewhere for a few weeks/months and learn how to live again.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I can't imagine more than 2 weeks. Where I go by that point you're on about the 3rd rotation of the menu cycle (I rarely eat that anyway and live on cottage cheese and fruit), most people have come and gone and been replaced with new people (or they aren't and suddenly you are one of two patients on the entire unit) and the area is so small I can't imagine not leaving it for much longer than that. But it's obviously not set up for longer stays. ECT patients stay longer but mostly people are there 5 to 10 days. I think my shortest has been 8 days. The last time was for Christmas so there were a lot of days with very little going on and tha was tough. I just can't imagine living on that routine for very long. It always feels like being at camp with the little schedule and rotation of groups.

The menu cycle is the least of my problems when I am inpatient. I wish I could go somewhere that helped me with life skills or had someone that could help me on the outside get back on my feet after inpatient stays. Its been 7 weeks or so and I am still struggling with basic human skills.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I wasn't really meaning that was the worst thing, just saying my hospital isn't equipped for long stays on the unit I go to. My experience is only with that unit and it gets to be difficult to be there after 10 days or so because it's not designed for more. That's all I meant. I wasn't trying to make light of what you said. I just truly can't imagine staying long-term. But that's me and I don't handle change well and long-term would be a change.

I've been in a very bad place after a hospitalization a few years ago and since I couldn't get into an IOP because of where I lived I got out and spent weeks living therapy appointment to therapy appointment. I didn't want to/couldn't do anything. It was horrible and it lasted for months. I was on the verge of hospitalization so many times that I had a bag and list ready to go. I had trouble with everything; I showered and got dressed for therapy and that was it, I ate cereal, that kind of thing.

I didn't mean to offend you, just was putting my own limited experience (because I've only ever been on the little unit) into the context of a long stay and thinking how hard it would be.

Oh Im not offended in the slightest lol.

Im just frustrated that the burden falls to my partner and not a care provider in the community.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I assume you have no IOP either? The one through my hospital is supposed to be great at helping you get back into real life. But I can't commute 2.5 hours to go to it and I can't afford to stay for 6 weeks in a hotel or something.

The last time I got out when I was so sick my therapist pretty much made me to go NAMI's peer to peer class. He told me that I'd probably know most of what they taught (because I have a degree in psych, a master's in a related field and I worked in psych for a long time) but that I needed to go and be with other people and interact. It was a good thing that I'm glad I did. It helped me realize I wasn't alone when it was too hard to get out of bed or when I wasn't allowed to manage my own meds or when a shower was too much work. It helped me realize how sick I really was and it gave me a chance to join a smaller group afterwards, which I did and then had to give it up because it met on a day I couldn't see my therapist and I couldn't afford 2 trips to the city for the 2 things.

I know the last time I went into the hospital it was because I said I needed help in getting back to being able to take care of myself and managing to live reasonably. I didn't tell them for several days that I believed this was impossible and I had a suicide plan all worked out.

I understand about the burden falling on loved ones. My mom came over today and helped me get my house clean and organized. For a while it was really clean because it helped the mania and then the organization got out of control and I lost it. I hate having her help though because she does this after having done yard work all morning and she's exhausted but still cleaning the floors for me. I just want to be able to do it all myself.It scares me how much I depend on my mom; I live on her property and pay a low rent and get help with housework and figuring out bills when they are confusing and that kind of thing. But she won't be here forever and that terrifies me. There is nothing in our community that would help and my choices would be living closer to my sister (which is much farther from my therapist and psychiatrist) or moving closer to them and living in the city again. I hope I don't have to decide for a long time but its' scary nonetheless.

When I did home heatlh we did have a program for psychiatric patients to help the function better. I don't know if this is everywhere; I know only some companies offer it, but maybe it would help a little?

Because I have held down a job and studying psyc I am not disabled enough to qualify for help in the community. My clinic is over an hour away, they offer groups for day patients but my pdocs think I have learned all I can from that clinic (best in the state). And its stuff like cooking, cleaning, shopping, showering etc that I need help with, that Im not disabled enough to have help with.

My partner helped me clean the house and wash my hair on the weekend. So I have a nice environment and I am clean - but sick from this gross sinus infection so I cant do many of the "mood" lifting activities. I'll just sit online and whinge about it instead haha.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

It's too bad that you don't have access to the psychiatric home health thing. That would be a great fit for you. I know everything is harder in the UK than here, or at least here with Medicare which lets me go nearly anywhere and doesn't have a lot of restrictions.

I understand completely about the long trip. My therapist and family dr are an hour and 15 minutes away and my pdoc is 2.5 hours. It's a lot of effort to see any of them when I am not feeling well. Fortunately I like to drive so if I can get out the door I do ok. I just refuse to give up people who I like, who treat me well and understand my bipolar. Nonetheless today is psychiatrist day and I'm dreading the 5 hours in the car.