[HALLIEBETH87]

This past week has been kinda up and down but mostly down and anxious.

I can't remember hardly any if it. It's do frustrating. I get up in the morning and kill time until it's time for bed again. I feel bored inside but I'm also anxious and don't want to do anything or go anywhere like I normally would.

I feel stuck and don't care that I'm in this ditch. I don't even want to try the stuff were learning in DBT. It's too much work. I wNt to quit. I feel like flushing my meds and letting life take it's course with me. I feel like quitting.

I feel like giving up and just letting it all be.

I don't know why I even wrote this.

[gagrl]

Wow, you just wrote a great deal of exactly how I feel most of the time. I, too, am bipolar and BPD and have gone through DBT therapy years ago. I am currently in the midst of med changes after two major manic episodes. I kill time during the day sometimes by just zoning out sitting on the couch or outside watching the traffic go by. Somedays I can't even face getting on the computer. You certainly aren't alone. I feel like flushing my meds, too. I'm always so compliant with my pdoc's instructions with my meds, but this time I haven't followed them. He put me on Lithium and after three full days of taking it, I quit. I felt like absolute crap. I don't want to be a zombie. I'm rambling, sorry. Your post just struck a chord in me and I wanted to tell you. Thanks for sharing.

[Crazy Hitch]

((((Hallie)))) I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious.

Geepers I hate it when I feel anxious so I can totally relate to what you are saying.

Just wanted to say hang in there, even though it doesn't seem like it, this too will pass.

Wishing you a speedy recovery back to a sense of stability!

You can do it!

[HALLIEBETH87]

What is stability? I don't remember the last time I had a whole week of just being ok.

[Crazy Hitch]

High 5 Hallie - exactly right! What on earth is stability anyway? It's such a subjective term these days; relative to the eye of the beholder I guess!

[Nammu]

Know what you mean about the urge to flush the meds. I've so far resisted for fear it will get worse , so that's how I hang on. I don't care to jump into the fire from the frying pan.

[Woolly Bugger]

Stability can be defined, I think, as neither being manic nor depressed for an extended period of time. Halliiebeth, it sounds like you are depressed, but not too badly. Your post makes me think of the French word, ennui, which I think means boredom to the point of despair. If this is the case, it will pass, as Hooligan says. Just take your meds and wait it out. If you have Netflix, you might try watching Doc Martin. The British show has 46 episodes that you can binge on, and it is quite funny. Take care.

[Igenio]

Have you tried going for a run yet it always helps me when I feel tense and anxious.

[Crazy Hitch]

Yes, I must say I quite agree with your definition of stability, thank you for sharing this Woolly Bugger.

And great point there Igenio - running helps me too when I feel tense and anxious (although I know many people who detest running - so I guess it's each to their own to find strategies that may be useful - as honestly, I find it challenging sometimes to find these)

[HALLIEBETH87]

I've been coloring a lot. I get lost in it.

No matter if I get ten hours of sleep it's not enough.im tired all the time

[HALLIEBETH87]

I was stupid and I've been spending a lot if money and now I have $13 til June 3

[Homeira]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I was stupid and I've been spending a lot if money and now I have $13 til June 3

OMG do you have food in the house?

[HALLIEBETH87]

We have food. I can eat peanut butter and and crackers at home. We have water so Im good. Just stressed.

[Homeira]

Well, if I was in your neighbourhood I would come and cook something wonderful and healthy for you! That is my way of making people feel better. I feed them.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Originally Posted by Homeira

Well, if I was in your neighbourhood I would come and cook something wonderful and healthy for you! That is my way of making people feel better. I feed them.

You sound like my friend dawn. She feeds people all the time.

[Homeira]

I belive that simple actions can be better than a lot of words sometimes. And sometimes their fridge is empty... People gotta eat!
And it makes me happy to do something for others.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Yeah my friend says our job in Heaven will be to cook cause were always cooking.

[Homeira]

Whaaat? They don't have free room-service included?!?

[HALLIEBETH87]

Lol she jokes cause I always help her cook

Colouring is a great technique, do you realise you are using your skills doing that? Well done! I know therapy can be hard, and I too have wanted to drop the meds but keep up the good work, continue with your dbt and use your skills and one day you might not need the meds. Thinking of you

[HALLIEBETH87]

Thanks. Coloring does help me. I got a madala coloring book recently and color in it a lot. They relax me.

When I was inpatient all the bpd girls had their Mandela books, they worked really well for them too. I colour when I don't want craft mess to clean up, which is most of the time haha.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I got mine from amazon.com for $3. its called mystic mandalas

[Homeira]

I color mandalas also. My son however thinks I have gone completely bonkers. "Mom! That is what little kids do!"... He is thirteen, and I probably don't have any cool-factor whatsoever either way, lol!

[HALLIEBETH87]

I also color in my Little Mermaid coloring book. That's right...mine. I don't share!