[BNLsMOM]

Been having a hard time lately watching my life unravel around me. My new therapist is awesome and really challenges my beliefs, but today he asked me some questions about mood swings because I admitted that I feel like my only solution to my current problems is to die because then I wouldn't know the difference.

He mentioned that hypomania is not always productive and happy, but could be a highly reactive state to certain triggers.

I remembered that many people in my life have told me that I can't handle the little things and that I fly off the handle and get irritable when offered solutions to things I have built up in my head as being insurmountable.

I feel that the simple solutions are so obvious and that I am completely inept for not having thought of them myself. I feel belittled and ridiculed when offered solutions so I get angry.

So, is this actually hypomania? Is it possible that I really do have this disease after all and that I will need to be medicated again? Was my two year recovery a bunch of bull and just a lull in my symptoms?
I can't bear to be medicated back into zombieism and weight gain. I have lost only 46 of the 80 or so pounds I put on the last time I was medicated. I would almost rather suffer and watch my life crash down than be as unhealthy as I felt while medicated. Not to mention the meds never worked.

I can't bear to be alternately pitied and ridiculed by my family again. Yet, life spins uncontrollably around me as I cower under the pressure of not being able to make a living.

[Nix]

I know where you're coming from with flying off the handle and getting irritable. When I got on a mood stabilizer my husband said my moods improved a lot. I still feel irritation and strong feelings but it's a lot easier to control or at least doesn't usually feel out of control. I don't know your history but I just wanted to chime in because I hate being on drugs but I guess sometimes it is worth it.

[Skeezyks]

Hello BNLsMOM: I read your post & just wanted to leave a brief note. I'm not on any med's anymore. From time-&-time I think that perhaps I should be. This mostly happens when I get fired up over some trivial thing that has transpired between my spouse & me, after which I typically start feeling guilty. But I don't believe the med's ever did anything for me other than to make me groggy. Plus they made me gain weight. So I'm determined to stay off of them... come what may... I'm sorry you are struggling... I send you my best wishes...

[shortandcute]

I'm kinda debating whether or not to get off my meds myself. I started wellbutrin about a month ago, and I have lost a little of bit of weight, but I think that's partly because I've been having diarrhea. I am kind of tired of my brain feeling all chemically too.

[BNLsMOM]

I am feeling so much better these last few days. Looking for full time work and was asked to blog for the HuffPost. And I went on a date with someone who seems to like me. 😄

[Mountainbard]

That's great news!