[elevatedsoul]

im not having a good time
im having a lot of symptoms and cant get in touch with my pdoc

i am miserable
i am trying to go 1 day at a time, but im so miserable
i dont know what to do! i am so obsessed, i cant stop obsessing
i can't relax, i just want to chill out!

how do i feel like this on these medications! i feel like im taking sugar pills for nothing

i am so miserable, i am counting the seconds to my pdoc appointment in july

[elevatedsoul]

i think im having another mixed episode... and the meds aren't doing anything to stop it

[ThunderGoddess]

Holy moly! I have been going through the same exact thing, I actually just made a post about it before I saw yours! I couldn't get a hold of my psych during all the craziness either so I know what your going through and I'm sorry it is so hard. I think it helps to get on here and talk to everyone that's what I usually do when I'm going completely insane because no one understands like the people who are actually living with it and sometimes it helps just to have that understanding during such high stress.

July seems like it is a bit too long to see your doc when you are not feeling so great, is there anyway you can get in sooner? Do you need help getting in contact with them?
My major issue was my phobia of talking on the phone I got the courage to call once and it didn't work out as planned so I was just wondering if you needed some help maybe someone can call for you and tell them it is urgent that you get in before July, have them demand it!

[elevatedsoul]

wow yes i have phobia so bad i cant make phone calls... it takes a lot of courage for me to call my health team
its weird though because i talk to them fine in person, but over the phone im a complete mess

i have been trying to get in sooner but my case manager is being lazy! i called her and left a message yesterday so i will call her again tomorow

its crazy that we both are going through similar situations and also have the same problems!
i love it here at PC

i hate the telephone but i will make myself call again tomorow

[lovejoy91]

I hope everything works out. Can you explain to me why you fear making calls? I'm willing to understand.

[elevatedsoul]

i dont know why i fear telephone calls...
i've read of a thing called Telephobia, i think thats what it is...

i need help, i've started cutting again :'(

Telephone phobia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Telephone phobia (telephonophobia, telephobia, phone phobia) is reluctance or fear of making or taking phone calls, literally, "fear of telephone".[1] It is considered to be a type of social phobia or social anxiety.[1] It is often compared to glossophobia, in that both require engaging with an audience to a certain extent, followed by the fear of being criticized, judged or made a fool of.[2]
As is common with various fears and phobias, there is a wide spectrum of severity of the fear of phone conversations and the corresponding difficulties.[1] In 1993 it was reported that about 2.5 million people in Great Britain have telephone phobia.[3]
The term Telephone Apprehension refers to a lower degree of telephone phobia, where it is the anxiety derived from telephones, but less severe than that of an actual phobia.[4]
These people may have no problem communicating face to face, but have difficulty doing so over the telephone.

[~Christina]

Do you have a friend or family member that can help you stay focused to call and keep calling if need be? When you call you need to report that you are self harming.. Your Pdoc needs to step up and get you in sooner or prescribe you something that will just knock you out so you can break this escalating situation.

Don't stop calling until you get help

[raspberrytorte]

I have phone phobia really bad too. And I've been having to make a million phone calls as of late! I hate it.

Hope you feel better soon.

[Capriciousness]

I hate making phone calls too. Even to place a Chinese order. And that is when I am normal. It is getting better though. Comes and goes. But when I am "off" it is really bad. I think partly because my thinking is so impaired I inevitably get flustered and sound like a crazy person and don't do anything effectively.

I hope you can get some help. This **** sucks.

[elevatedsoul]

i try to talk to my mom about things sometimes but its difficult to explain...
things like cutting i dont like to talk about

im so nervous i feel like i cant pick up the phone to call my case manager!
she's probably on lunch break now anyway...
maybe i will get the courage to call her in a few hours...

[Toodles333]

Please don't cut. If you feel like damaging yourself, you need to check yourself in ASAP. Cutting is not the answer.

Take care, whatever you decide to do.

[elevatedsoul]

i talked myself into calling my case manager
i told her it was important im having a bad time with alot of symptoms and she said to come in tomorrow
hopefully she can do something to help me...

i cant take much more of this feeling

[Nammu]

I'm glad you managed your fears enough to call. Now hopefully she will have good news tomorrow, a sooner Pdoc appointment or something else that helps.

[~Christina]

So happy you made that call! Write down all your current struggles and take it with you tomorrow in case you get nervous and cant verbally say it all.

Stay safe

[elevatedsoul]

this is what i have written down

im depressed, no motivation, severe loss of interest in everything, loss of appetite, loss of weight, high anxiety and worry, obsessive, unable to focus, racing thoughts, just want to sleep all the time, no enjoyment from anything, loss of hope, no drive, no desires, intrusive thoughts of self harm and cutting

im trying not to cut though, it just seems like the right thing to do sometimes

[~Christina]

Good list! Can you try cutting distractions? Holding Ice, Snapping a rubberband?

[elevatedsoul]

yeah i use rubber bands, and other coping mechanism but i get week sometimes

[~Christina]

I understand I have been there done that. Can you set some hurdles between wanting to cut and actually doing so? like... Freeze your cutting stuff in ice, Call or email a friend and make yourself hold off self harm until they answer or reply. Post here on PC, When the urge hits agree to wait 30 mins, then force yourself to wait again. You have an appt coming up, Just try to hold out somehow until then.

[elevatedsoul]

i went to my case manager appointment today and explained everything im going through and she recommended i go IP again
i wasnt really expecting that, i was hoping for an emergency appointment with my pdoc but i guess he is just too busy to make time for an emergency apointment!

so it looks like i'll be going IP again, hopefully this time i can change these meds and come out on something better...

im super nervous and have only been hospitalized 1 time for mixed episode

[~Christina]

I think going IP will really help you stabilize. Just go in with an open mind and accept the help. Pack a bag with your favorite clothes, don't forget a hoodie or something its always seems to be cold IP

This is a good thing. We will be here when you get back

[raspberrytorte]

Yes, let us know how you're feeling when you get out. Good luck!

[raspberrytorte]

Oh, and I agree with christina about the hoodie thing. I don't know why hospitals always have to be so cold!

[Nammu]

I'm glad she offered IP, usually you get faster med changes since you under care 24/7. I recommend taking a book if you can concentrate enough it helps time pass faster.

[elevatedsoul]

im a little scared

[Iamalioness]

No doubt you're scared, but this sounds like it's for the best. Here's hoping they get you on some good meds and you can feel some peace. Try not to worry too much, this could be a good time for you to relax, knowing you're in a safe place. Praying for you and sending hugs your way!