[BeyondtheRainbow]

I have been focused on making it until today so I could talk to my therapist and try to figure out what is going on, why I am so mixed, why I feel so much worse than a week ago and if there is anything to help me besides waiting for pdoc to get back to me. I spent a very long time last night making my mood chart into graphs that were demonstrating what I meant. I know how now and it won't ever take so long again but it was a lot of work.

I got up and drove the 55 miles to my appointment. I'm having trouble keeping track of time so I didn't even know this was Memorial day weekend until Saturday and it didn't occur to me that they'd be closed since nobody said anything about it last week. The receptionists used to do that but these are new and I guess they don't know/didn't think and neither did my therapist who also usually reminds me of days off. I realized it was possible when I'd driven so far that it didn't make sense to go ahead and do the errands in the city at least. So I got there and definitely nobody was there.

I left a message I'm not proud of, you can probably hear I'm nearly crying, and just saying that I didn't know so I didn't reschedule and I REALLY need to see him this week if at all possible and since I know his schedule fills fast on holiday weeks if he has ANYTHING in the afternoon on any day to please put me in the slot and they could call me or I'll call them in the morning. It did not sound like a together person leaving a message. And since these are new receptionists they won't know that they should tell my therapist if I call sounding like that because he'll usually juggle things and get me in if he can if I'm in a bad place. I think this is a very bad place.

And I emailed my pdoc who I'm sure is also off so she's very unlikely to get the email (it will be buried in 200 others by tomorrow morning). Which means I'll have to go through doing that again in a few days.

So I just was so sure I'd get help today and it turns out I was confused about time, again. I really hope I get in this week.........I desperately need help.

[CANDC]

So sorry you did not get the help you were seeking after driving so far. It is good you left a message and sent an email. I think they will know your need is sincere. Maybe you should confirm the appointment next time the day before when the office is open.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[cashart10]

So sorry! I know you needed that appointment. Surely he will fit you in this week. I hope you are feeling better so very soon!

[Brophy]

I hope that you're able to settle your nerves some. It's really frustrating when therapy appointments get messed up I'm sorry to hear about that. Hang in there you'll get the help you need soon.

[Victoria'smom]

can you find a close T?

[wiretwister]

I have set in the office only to find out they had cancelled my appt...has happened twice and I was never told either time... it really hurts.. so sorry this happened to you... I pray you get in soon..

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Well, I probably COULD find someone closer. But I've been going to this place for so long that I'm one of 2 people have been going there the longest in the entire practice. I've been there so long only the 2 owners and the office manager have been there longer. And I've been seeing this therapist for 9 years. That's too big of a bond to break. Also I'm on Medicare and not many places take this; I get a reduced rate where I go. The other issue is that I refuse to not see a Christian therapist and there aren't a lot of those here. It's better to just go to the city. (And it's nice to have a day that I go to the city and have a chance to go to stores and things that we do not have at all).

Even when I thought my therapist was moving on I was going to continue going to that practice. I'm pretty committed to them because they have treated me so well for so many years. Today's screw-up was not exactly ideal but I can't remember anything similar ever happening so one mistake is forgivable. Just bad timing for the error. I know my therapist has had a low caseload so I hope it is still low-enough that I can get in without having to get out of bed early without sleeping much.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

I have set in the office only to find out they had cancelled my appt...has happened twice and I was never told either time... it really hurts.. so sorry this happened to you... I pray you get in soon..

That is just wrong. I can forgive it because it was one mistake in 13 years. Which is not really much, especially since they have new staff who may not be aware that because I have a standing appointment at the same time I've been scheduled since 2011 I still need reminded about days off. And my therapist, not sure why he didn't say anything but I think he probably assumed the schedulers did. We'll talk about it.

I would NOT forgive easily if I sat and waited and was stood up. Well, that happened once but it was a last minute appt. and he had been home and didn't get the message to come in and he called me as soon as he got the message.

[raspberrytorte]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I know how it feels to wait for an appointment and really need it, only to have it cancelled. That happened to me twice after I got out of the hospital, and it was horrible because I REALLY needed to talk to someone about my medication and how I was feeling. I hope you're able to get in this week. Hugs.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

The really hard thing is getting to sleep tonight. Sleep is hard enough when I'm not worrying about if I'll get in or have to spend a week on a cancellation list waiting to see.Tuesdays he has a big group so that day is harder to get in and he is off a little early on Thursday. Hoping for Wednesday......

[boogiesmash]

Were you able to get in?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Yes, thank God. Thursday afternoon. Thursday is going to be very long; I have to get up early to take my mom to the next town over (35 minutes away) to have skin cancer surgery then bring her home and hopefully have a couple hours and then up to the other city for therapy. But he had a time that worked with my mom's surgery and he had a time at at all so that was good. And they apologized for yesterday which I appreciate. They called a lot earlier than I expected so I was really asleep, still sleeping of the valium that I had to take at 4 AM because I didn't get settled until then, so I was pretty out of it for the call.

Now I just have to wait 2 more days....

[boogiesmash]

How are you doing?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Well, no more missed therapy appointments....In fact I am now bumped up to 2 a week because when I did see him he was really worried about how bad I am and about psychosis. He's not making me go to the hospital but is also telling me that more psychosis means I go in because he doesn't want me to tip over the edge and he doesn't like some of the cognitive issues and hallucinations (rare for me in recent years).

So now I'm waiting to see my pdoc on Monday and doing my best to avoid the hospital until then. I think I'll make it but I'll be so glad to see her. I've updated her on all of this via email but haven't heard back. Which actually makes sense because if she doesn't have the Latuda samples she was trying to get for me on Monday we are going to have to choose from some older drugs and actual discussion is needed for that. I don't think even a phone call is enough to discuss the options remaining.

So, pretty much things remain lousy. I always get manic in June and I think this is mania on top of mania. I will not miss it when it is gone. Hopefully in another week I'll be feeling better.

[boogiesmash]

Hang in there buddy.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Thanks. 5 more days until I see the pdoc. I see my therapist tomorrow. I'm glad for the extra therapy support. Unfortunately I see him twice next week and then he's gone for 10 days. I may have to see another therapist, we'll see what he says. I kind of don't mind a week off but I know I need monitoring right now too. I am just hoping I'll be busy adjusting to a new med all the time he's gone.