[BeyondtheRainbow]

I started my new AP last night and got some much needed drugged but sound sleep. I learned when my cat wanted breakfast that my blood pressure is going to dip low on this; I almost fainted and spent a while hanging on the kitchen counter trying to not faint or vomit. From now on I will get up much more slowly.

Obviously one night isn't enough to fix everything. This stuff is supposed to help with agitation pretty quickly and I do feel more calm.

But the paranoia needs some more time (and possibly more medication; I'm on a tiny dose). It probably also needs some time for my body to adjust to the Seroquel coming down; last night I cut 150 mgs and tonight I cut another 150. But anyway, last night I noticed a lightning bug in my house. I think it is important to say that I really like bugs and am interested in them; I have degree in biology and one of my favorite classes was entomology. So being bothered by any bug is rare. I've been known to work very hard to catch a cockroach.

But I'm having a very hard time believing this lightning bug isn't following me everywhere and staring at me for some negative purpose. And it's a LIGHTNING BUG.........hardly a dangerous critter. I can at least keep a foot in reality and talk myself down every time I see the thing (or things; there could be 12 of them in here for all I know. My window screens were done wrong and don't cover the whole window so lots of bugs get in. But I am actually concerned about the reasons an insect is in my house or why it is flying around.....lovely.

[Crazy Hitch]

I hope you are able to find some comfort soon, I know that you have been struggling for a while BeyondtheRainbow

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Yes, I have been fighting this episode since January and it's been bad since March. I've had very long episodes before, it's fairly normal but the psychosis part is not. The paranoia and talking myself down all the time is getting old. I'm spending the next few days at my sister's house and hope that the change in routine will make that better not worse. The hallucinations may be better; I haven't had any today. Maybe they just needed some sleep? Or they'll be back tomorrow. Who knows but I'm glad for that. I'm just so glad that I'm finally on a 2nd med. I wish there'd been a way to know that Latuda wasn't going to work; I would have asked to try something about 2 weeks ago. But that was hard to try to discuss via email I discovered so it may not have done anything.

I'm supposed to call my pdoc tomorrow and let her know how it is going. I hope she doesn't tell me to increase the dose yet. Something inside me says to go slow. She obviously knows the risks that I have so I'm sure she'll agree with that but we started so low that going up shouldn't matter much. But my body says give it longer. She'll listen to that I think although everyone wants these symptoms gone fast so I don't know. I want them gone too but I don't want to find that fast caused something bad.

I just unpacked from the potential IP and now I need to pack for the time at my sister's. Which probably means I need to move around and do laundry. I don't want to do laundry. I want black cherry Greek yogurt. I don't know why I want something that specific but I don't have any and there is no way I'm taking a shower and getting dressed and driving to town just to go get a yogurt. That's been another change: my appetite has been more normal. I ate 3 meals and a couple of yogurt (weird obsession) snacks today and I'd been ignoring eating until evening for some time. I think that's a good sign although it also scares me that this could be a weight gain drug. But if I'm just eating the things I ate today I should be fine. And as I told the dr I'd prefer to not gain wegiht but I know that's secondary for the moment.

[Capriciousness]

Hugs to you. I hope you get your yogurt sometime soon