I rarely write posts about myself. I'm not sure where to begin….

I spent the last 9 years of my life trying to get where I am right now. Right this minute, I am mentally fine. Freaking phenomenal even. I have not mental regrets. I have done nothing but try to help others and help myself. I spent a month in hell voluntarily admitting myself, getting clean, getting stable, and getting back on meds. People who know me well even noted a difference. I made peace with God after all he has taken from me.

Why is it that when we get over one hurdle there is another to follow? Is this a track meet? Is that all life is? A game? A sport? Entertainment? Is someone up there with a magnifying glass frying the ants the stray free from the mound?

I made a post a while back while manic about the things that I had been through and the things that followed. And those same things are apon me in the near future. I knew from this time last year that my health wouldn't last, but I prayed and prayed for a second chance. I got myself help and got mentally sound only to be hit with a diagnosis worst than my MI. End stage renal disease….

So here I sit, proud of myself for never giving up….but my body is giving up on me…25 years old, mentally sound finally, yet weak and sick. I have been pushing myself to maintain a normal life and what did I get. Getting mainlined to the ER after passing out at work…and oh my god, the excitement of just being able to pee on my own is too much to bear. What is this game we are playing here...

[wiretwister]

(((CI)))

Is what it is..

[MistressStayc]

It is just another hurdle for you to overcome, which you have to because this would be a very sad world without you in it. You are an incredible soul and I am honored to call you my friend. I know this is not it for you. You are meant to be here for a long time to come.

[Victoria'smom]

The game is life and it's about endurance I'm sorry you have to have more hurtles then most.

Thank you…...

[~Christina]

Oh hun

I'm sorry your dealing with so much bullshyt. I could sit here and rattle off positive stuff til my fingers fall off, But sometimes I think its best that I just nudge you over on the couch and sit down next to you and make sure you know your not alone

[jacky8807]

Sorry....just needed to vent...

(((massive hugs))) to you.

It puts things into perspective for me, I had given up the last week or so, you've inspired me to try and fight again another day.

[xxblackrosesxx]

Fuk this bull. I'm so sorry
Life is cruel and it is what it is *hugs*

Well that was my little rant as my life really became crystal clear yesterday. I guess i had been in denial thinking everything was going to be fine. saw my doc today. got a nice little venous cath placed. Looks pretty sexy, so I'm gonna be rocking the matrix look for beach season. it will be a good conversation starter. Next week I'll be having a graft placed in my arm as a fistula takes to long to form….good times. But im in control at least..

[emwell]

Originally Posted by ChaoticInsanity

I rarely write posts about myself. I'm not sure where to begin….

I spent the last 9 years of my life trying to get where I am right now. Right this minute, I am mentally fine. Freaking phenomenal even. I have not mental regrets. I have done nothing but try to help others and help myself. I spent a month in hell voluntarily admitting myself, getting clean, getting stable, and getting back on meds. People who know me well even noted a difference. I made peace with God after all he has taken from me.

Why is it that when we get over one hurdle there is another to follow? Is this a track meet? Is that all life is? A game? A sport? Entertainment? Is someone up there with a magnifying glass frying the ants the stray free from the mound?

I made a post a while back while manic about the things that I had been through and the things that followed. And those same things are apon me in the near future. I knew from this time last year that my health wouldn't last, but I prayed and prayed for a second chance. I got myself help and got mentally sound only to be hit with a diagnosis worst than my MI. End stage renal disease….

So here I sit, proud of myself for never giving up….but my body is giving up on me…25 years old, mentally sound finally, yet weak and sick. I have been pushing myself to maintain a normal life and what did I get. Getting mainlined to the ER after passing out at work…and oh my god, the excitement of just being able to pee on my own is too much to bear. What is this game we are playing here...

It is a game some call life. I am so proud that you chose not to give up. I knew you could do it.

I offered you a kidney, but I have to treat my blood disorder before that would be possible. still waiting to hear from my DO about the treatment. She says Yes, Insurance says not yet.

Things from our past when we were less than healthy seem to come back and hit us when we are strongest. If you were not strong, this would not be happening to you. This is the game. The problem is that it is not really a game. It can be serious ****.

I love you like a brother. A Much younger brother, but still a brother.

I believe !!!! we'll talk more about that subject as soon as Basey gets back from NY.

Thanks Em. You always know how to pick me up. Love ya sis