[Leafeon]

Hello all,

This will be my first post here and I apologize if it's going to be long. I just don't know what to do right now and am looking for a listening ear and maybe some support.

A little backstory:
I am 26 years old and my husband is 28. We got married last year. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 four years ago and have been on medication ever since. I have also been through quite some therapy although I moved from where my old therapist was and am still looking for a new one. Since I am now almost 3 months pregnant, a psychiatrist advised me to stop taking my Lithium for now and I followed his advice.For the past 6 months or so I've actually been feeling like my Lithium hasn't helped me as much as it did in the beginning, so I'm planning on bringing this up next time I see this psych to figure out if I can switch meds when I can safely start taking them again.

Things have been tough with my husband from the get go when it comes to my BP. He is a wonderful person, but seems to have little understanding for my mental illness and has no idea how to handle it. Of course, he knew about my condition before we got married. I have bought him books on having a bipolar partner, and suggested he might see a therapist himself, just to have an outlet and maybe get more information about my disorder. He hasn't read any of them nor has he sought out any help or information for himself. I understand that having a BP partner is extremely difficult, but I don't know what else I can do to help him understand and he doesn't seem to put in any effort.

He can't separate me from the 'bipolar me', and often engages in arguments that keep going until I become desperate and just hide in the closet crying because I don't know what to do. He then gets mad and leaves, leaving me in horrible episodes by myself. I've asked him many times to just hug me and be there for me when I get like that even though it may be hard for him but instead he just gets mad and leaves. I don't want to blame him for my episodes but sometimes I feel like he instigates them, or eggs me on when I am already stressed and anxious. Today he told me he wants to leave me. I feel so hopeless. I am heartbroken because I feel like he hasn't even tried. I know I can't force him to do anything but I am just so sad right now and any kind words would be much appreciated.

[LettinG0]

I am so sorry you are in such pain at this moment and that your partner hasn't tried any harder to learn how to be in a BP relationship. But his shortcomings are not his fault and it is his loss if he can't figure out how to deal and make the marriage work.

I hope your sadness lessens and you can find some peace. Please take care of yourself and your little one........

[CopperStar]

Your husband sounds like a selfish d-bag. It would be one thing if you were refusing to try to stay stable, or if you weren't willing to see his point of view. But you've been giving your all into making it work, while he gives nothing - not even a hug. Like seriously this guy sounds like a ****. No offense as I'm sure you're in love with or at least were in the beginning. But as an objective outsider looking in, I can tell you that he's a **** with a capital D.

My bet is that he has been in this relationship for all the wrong reasons and now he wants to blame his desire to bail on you and his unborn child, on your bipolar disorder. That way he can play victim while actually being a selfish coward. If he does leave you, it doesn't like you would be losing much. Even though you will likely need to go through the grieving process all the same.

[Shadesofdark]

I am very sorry to hear that you are having such trouble with your marriage right now. I can't offer much advise since I am having trouble with my own relationship lots of the time, but it sounds like you have really tried everything you can, do not blame this on yourself, this is not your fault.

I should not presume to tell you what to do and I don't want to upset you but if this guy is going to leave you with BP and three months pregnant, it might not be a bad thing since I don't think he will get any better. A marriage can't work with only one person trying. And it sounds like you have tried a lot. Now you need to think what is best for you and the baby.

Please, please, please, don't blame this on yourself or think it is something you did or did not do, it sounds like you have been trying since you got married.

it pains me you have to go through this.

Most of all if you need that shoulder to cry on or a virtual hug, this is the right place.

[~Christina]

I am so sorry that your in pain and in a very fragile state of mind and a baby on the way. Your plate is overflowing

My only advice would be to see your Doctor as soon as possible, ask for help finding a Therapist you can see sooner rather than later.

Do you have family and friends that will be supportive?

Welcome to PC You will find much support and understanding here.

[wiretwister]

Welcome we are always glad to have new people, if it helps please feel free to post often, you will find understanding people here. I wish I had wise words to offer but all I can say is I truly hope that someway by some means you can find peace .....

[Moogieotter]

Some good advice here as usual. If he has income and assets, seek out a good lawyer. Divorce courts will heavily side with you and you can take him to the cleaners if he walks out on you and your child.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

moogs

[loophole]

This is a great place for kind words and people helping people... Pregnancy is a rough time on a marriage... Mind you I'm a male .. Lol.. The girls out there probably want to punch me right now.. I'm just saying I feel emotions and stress run a lot higher for those 9 months and throw in bipolar and it very easily can be a recipe for disaster.... I was a douche more then once on all 3 pregnancy s... Not my finest moments... That being said he married you knowing your bipolar.. If your trying and he's being an arse you may want to talk to him about marriage counseling.. Best of luck

Sent from my iPhone 6 plus using Tapatalk

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry that you're struggling (((Leafeon)))

I feel your pain.

When I was pregnant with my daughter my BP symptoms were out of control (I'm not for one second suggesting that yours are) - and as a result it caused undue strain on my marriage.

I was actually undiagnosed so yeah it was all confusing.

Every day felt like emotional hell.

Fortunately after my daughter was born I was put on some meds (I was diagnosed with depression - prior hypomania episodes were not picked up on).

And things slowly began to heal.

I hope that with time and education, your husband can begin to separate the "you" from the symptoms of Bipolar that he may occassionally see.

Just know that there is hope out there!

And it's good to see you on this Forum. I look forward to seeing you here more often. We're all here to listen.

Take care.

[Trippin2.0]

Your husband sounds like an asshole.


I don't mean to sound like a b!tch but If he does leave, he'd be doing you a favor, even if it doesn't feel like it.


Marriage is a partnership, a team effort, and he clearly has not been acting like a team member, he's clearly not "for better or worse" material, he's only good when its good.


YOU deserve SO MUCH BETTER!:




I know your heart must be feeling like its been shattered into a zillion pieces, but do your baby a favor, harness that pain into energy to create a good setup for the two of you. Regardless of what hubs decides because as I said, he's clearly not interested in an actual marriage.


Sounds like he just liked the idea of marriage, or thought it was the next logical step. Idk


Do what's best and healthiest for you and the little, that's all you can do at this point.


I was also 3 months pregnant and alone, different circumstances but it still hurt like hell and I was only 19 at the time. But you know what? My mindset played a large role in how my pregnancy played out. I was so determined to enjoy it and make a good life for my baby, that I actually pulled it off. I was even hypomanic thru most of it, which was awesome.


You deserve better than what your husband brings to the table. Don't forget that when he threatens to take it off the table.


Sometimes a clean table is the best table, especially if it was just cluttered with useless stuff instead of yummy food!

[Capriciousness]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Your husband sounds like an asshole.


I don't mean to sound like a b!tch but If he does leave, he'd be doing you a favor, even if it doesn't feel like it.


Marriage is a partnership, a team effort, and he clearly has not been acting like a team member, he's clearly not "for better or worse" material, he's only good when its good.


YOU deserve SO MUCH BETTER!:




I know your heart must be feeling like its been shattered into a zillion pieces, but do your baby a favor, harness that pain into energy to create a good setup for the two of you. Regardless of what hubs decides because as I said, he's clearly not interested in an actual marriage.


Sounds like he just liked the idea of marriage, or thought it was the next logical step. Idk


Do what's best and healthiest for you and the little, that's all you can do at this point.


I was also 3 months pregnant and alone, different circumstances but it still hurt like hell and I was only 19 at the time. But you know what? My mindset played a large role in how my pregnancy played out. I was so determined to enjoy it and make a good life for my baby, that I actually pulled it off. I was even hypomanic thru most of it, which was awesome.


You deserve better than what your husband brings to the table. Don't forget that when he threatens to take it off the table.


Sometimes a clean table is the best table, especially if it was just cluttered with useless stuff instead of yummy food!

Trippin! I didn't realize you were a mommy I'm glad you are. I'm sure you are a great one.

And yes a little hypomania goes a long way in parenting. Especially when the baby is up all night.... Obviously I do NOT recommend it though!!!! The results were disasterous for me.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by loophole

This is a great place for kind words and people helping people... Pregnancy is a rough time on a marriage... Mind you I'm a male .. Lol.. The girls out there probably want to punch me right now.. I'm just saying I feel emotions and stress run a lot higher for those 9 months and throw in bipolar and it very easily can be a recipe for disaster.... I was a douche more then once on all 3 pregnancy s... Not my finest moments... That being said he married you knowing your bipolar.. If your trying and he's being an arse you may want to talk to him about marriage counseling.. Best of luck

Sent from my iPhone 6 plus using Tapatalk

Okay but did you purposefully try to make your partner cry and freak out, refuse to even hug them when they were sad, etc? I think it's normal for couples to get stressed out sometimes, have arguments, etc. But then it's time to calm down, say sorry where needed, try to work on things. In your posts you've never struck me as being some sort of selfish, cowardly d-bag. OP's husband's behavior is just over the top.

[Capriciousness]

Back to you Leafon!

I am So sorry you are dealing with this! Omg! I just don't know what to say except my heart is pouring for you.

Do you have other support?

Just try to think about the baby joy as much as possible. You're a mommy now and it changes everything...which can be a good thing.

Peace and love

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Capriciousness

Trippin! I didn't realize you were a mommy I'm glad you are. I'm sure you are a great one.



And yes a little hypomania goes a long way in parenting. Especially when the baby is up all night.... Obviously I do NOT recommend it though!!!! The results were disasterous for me.

Thank you for such a marvelous compliment it means so much to me

[Leafeon]

Hello everyone,

Thank you so much for your kind replies, it's really nice to get some input from people who are familiar with these situations. It's been about a week now and even though my husband and I have talked I'm just worried nothing will change. He's a good person, takes care of me financially and is sweet in general, but emotionally he just has no clue. He has this 'sweep everything under the rug' mentality (just like his parents), which obviously is no way to handle things because they'll just end up blowing up in your face. He just can't talk/communicate about anything and it's so frustrating to me because it makes everything 100x harder than it needs to be.
I told him that he knew I'm BP when we got married and he made a commitment to me. And if he can't handle it and wants to break that well fine, but at least TRY first you know? He agreed, but I'm just worried it'll go right back to him not trying to be understanding/supportive.

Anyway to make matters more complicated I'm not from the US, I'm from Europe so I don't really have any support here. My BP has already caused one marriage to go down the drain (in a disastrous way) and I don't want that to happen again. However I'm also not staying in a relationship that is unhealthy for me.

I'm actually going on a trip back home next month, I'll be staying at least a few weeks. It will be nice to get some distance and think things over. I figured that while I'm there I can at least find a support system so that if things don't work out, I have a place to go. As long as the baby is not here yet (I'm due in January) it will be easier for me to travel. I was thinking that while I'm there, to send him a long e-mail explaining that if he's not willing to put in any effort this marriage will never work, and I need to see him take action and try before I can fully trust living with him and raising a child together. I figured maybe that way he'll have time to read it over and think about it while we have some space because talking one on one doesn't seem to work with him. What do you guys think?