[lunaticfringe]

I want this thread to be about times when we have had to apologize for our illness and symptoms caused by it. In general I think we're made to apologize to society as a whole in a sense for not fitting into a neat little box. This morning I was in a position where I was faced with the choice of apologizing for my irritability but I chose not to. Does a diabetic apologize for how they act when their blood sugar is low? Etc, etc. I feel that society is very accommodating to people with other types of disabilities but as people with bipolar I feel we get very little breaks from our family, friends, and just the general public.

How do you feel about this? Do you often find yourself apologizing for symptoms caused by your illness that are out of your control? Medications and self care aside, I think most of us still struggle with symptoms.

[LettinG0]

I apologize WAY too much to my family when I should just be able to say "No. I can't today"

[CopperStar]

To me an apology is expressing to someone that I feel bad about something, whether I feel bad for stressing them out, bad for taking up their time and energy, bad for not being there for them when I wanted to be, etc. But I don't feel bad for feeling bad. It's part of my humanity. So I don't apologize for apologizing, heh. It's true, it's how I feel and I want to make sure they understand it, that they understand I don't choose to have symptoms and that I wish that I didn't.

When I have made a wrong choice, and I know it, and I apologize, the apology comes with that bit, as far as owning up to how I made a wrong choice, owning up to my flaws and mistakes, explaining that I know I was wrong. I do it to validate their feelings. I am not just a victim. Sometimes I do something wrong simply because I am human and sometimes I'm cowardly, sometimes I'm selfish, sometimes I'm an a-hole. I own up to it and make a commitment to learn from my mistakes and be a better person going forward.

When I apologize for symptoms that affect other people, I spell that out, too. I'm letting them know that I feel bad, even though I couldn't control something, I still feel bad about it, because I care about them and don't want to upset them or drain them. It's an expression of how I feel about the situation. Nothing more, nothing less.

[~Christina]

When I have hurt someone I do apologize. Sure Bipolar sometimes makes me lose my shyt ! I am still responsible for my actions.

Everyone has a responsibility to be a decent human being regardless of having Bipolar or any Medical illness.

I was diabetic when I was pregnant and I apologized a lot... My strict diet made my eating with family and friends difficult for those cooking.

I suffer from Chronic pain, I often have to cancel plans because of it. It sucks I hate it ! It does impact my family and friends.

There are many things that I do not have control over, but acknowledging that at times I have hurt someone or I have to skip things is a small kindness.

* I will say that my family and friends don't make me feel " guilty" about my struggles, So I'm sure that plays into my being more than willing to apologize when ever I feel it needs to be said. I recently had to put my husbands plans of camping off for almost a month due to my BP and pain.

[raspberrytorte]

I apologize to my husband a lot, since he has to put up with me and my situation. I apologized last week because I was too paranoid and anxious to take our daughter to her music class and felt bad about it. I apologize because I'm an emotional and financial drain on my family. I apologize because I shouldn't be this way, but am, and it causes my husband a lot of stress. He wants me to go IP right now because I've been so unstable, but I just can't be even more of a financial drain on my family. I just feel bad.

Of course there are things that do warrant apologies.

[lunaticfringe]

I just think it's unfortunate that this illness already makes us feel bad enough and on top of it we have to feel bad or guilty when it affects others. In my mind I have enough to deal with already, I'm not going to waste more emotional energy on feeling guilty. Personally my family (namely my mother) does not understand my illness and will make it a point to be condescending and try to make me feel guilty, and I'm just done with it. If people don't understand that I have an illness that I cannot control then they don't need to be in my life. Luckily my fiance is VERY understanding and I almost never need to apologize to him because he gets it. I'm not going to spend my life...apologizing for my life. That's just how I feel.

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by lunaticfringe

I want this thread to be about times when we have had to apologize for our illness and symptoms caused by it. In general I think we're made to apologize to society as a whole in a sense for not fitting into a neat little box. This morning I was in a position where I was faced with the choice of apologizing for my irritability but I chose not to. Does a diabetic apologize for how they act when their blood sugar is low? Etc, etc. I feel that society is very accommodating to people with other types of disabilities but as people with bipolar I feel we get very little breaks from our family, friends, and just the general public.

How do you feel about this? Do you often find yourself apologizing for symptoms caused by your illness that are out of your control? Medications and self care aside, I think most of us still struggle with symptoms.

Well, I am not diabetic, but I'm prone to low blood sugar. I don't apologize for symptoms such as nausea, cold sweats or dizziness. But if I snap at someone while my blood sugar is low or delay something so I can make eating the priority, then yes I do.

[lovejoy91]

Originally Posted by lunaticfringe

I just think it's unfortunate that this illness already makes us feel bad enough and on top of it we have to feel bad or guilty when it affects others. In my mind I have enough to deal with already, I'm not going to waste more emotional energy on feeling guilty. Personally my family (namely my mother) does not understand my illness and will make it a point to be condescending and try to make me feel guilty, and I'm just done with it. If people don't understand that I have an illness that I cannot control then they don't need to be in my life. Luckily my fiance is VERY understanding and I almost never need to apologize to him because he gets it. I'm not going to spend my life...apologizing for my life. That's just how I feel.

Preach!! Unapologetic.

[gayleggg]

I really should probably apologize more to my husband as he is the one that has to deal with me the most. Especially, because I never feel like doing anything, including cooking and cleaning. I avoid other interactions that might make it necessary to apologize. I'm such a recluse.

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[BlackSheep79]

I'm sorry to say this but is it fair to our loved ones to snap at them? No. So yes I do believe that it is my responsibility to apologize. No human being should be screamed at just because of our illness. And I want to make it is clear so I don't get hateful messages back that this only pertains to situations where we blow up at others. This is why I take my meds because I can get very mean, and my husband does not deserve that. Yes it has happened and I apologize. I'm sure and believe that someone with diabetes that gets cranky when their sugar is low should apologize. Just my opinion on the issue.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I can get really irritable and have to apologize but it's hard for me because I hate admitting I'm not in control of myself.

[lunaticfringe]

Originally Posted by lovejoy91

Preach!! Unapologetic.

How did you know Rihanna is my girl???!!

[lovejoy91]

Originally Posted by lunaticfringe

How did you know Rihanna is my girl???!!

Because I'm a bad chick. I'm intuitive. =P

[Capriciousness]

i have lots of thoughts but here are some...

https://bipolarfirst.wordpress.com/2...-i-am-bipolar/

hugs everyone

[loophole]

I apologize to my wife and kids.. Regardless of the situation they shouldn't have to deal with my acting out. My bad decisions... Even if it's not my fault I have this disorder or the fact it all seems 100 percent perfectly fine at the time. And it always does.... Outside of that people are just going to have to deal with me

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[meganb22]

I apologize to my family quite a bit. Most of the time I know I'm being irrational or overly emotional and can later apologize for having hurt their feelings. Sometimes I don't apologize because I said what I needed to say- what I had been holding down for a while- if I inadvertently hurt my loved ones I do feel bad, but sometimes you just have to speak your mind. It is a fine line to tread, but I feel that with bipolar mood swings I come out with both guns blazing and that isn't fair to my family. They deserve the respect and love that they show me.

[Trippin2.0]

I apologize yes, I even say sorry when I'm hungry because I get really mean when I need to eat.


And no I have no food related health concerns. that's just me.


I say sorry for being a right bytch because it makes me feel bad.


I don't feel bad for having bipolar, I feel bad for being rude and nasty because I'm a nice person. Mostly hehe.


So its GOOD that I feel remorse, not bad.


I don't apologize for having bipolar, but I do apologize when I have overstepped the line or have shirked my responsibilities or become an absent party in my relationships.


I do so because I'm a decent human being and a dx doesn't give me the right to be an ahole.

[Crazy Hitch]

My view is this.

I'm personally not immune to symptoms of Bipolar, like many of us here.

Whilst I do try and work on strategies to minimise symptoms, I still, unfortunately, have really hurt those who are close to me.

And for hurting them, I am always sorry that their feelings were hurt because of my episodes.

Whilst I might not be apologetic right in the moment (mania can make me feel like I've done nothing wrong) - it's after a manic episode that I'm reflective and I'm like wow I can't believe I could actually hurt people that much.

So I apologise because I mean it.

PS: apologise for things like being irritable in a queue ... nope ... never

[raspberrytorte]

Actually, I kind of say I'm sorry about everything.

Like I dropped a rotten melon at work the other day and it cracked and splattered everywhere, and I told it I was sorry. Lol.

When I was thirteen, as a joke, my parents bought me the game Sorry as a christmas present.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

When I have hurt someone I do apologize. Sure Bipolar sometimes makes me lose my shyt ! I am still responsible for my actions.

Everyone has a responsibility to be a decent human being regardless of having Bipolar or any Medical illness.

I was diabetic when I was pregnant and I apologized a lot... My strict diet made my eating with family and friends difficult for those cooking.

I suffer from Chronic pain, I often have to cancel plans because of it. It sucks I hate it ! It does impact my family and friends.

There are many things that I do not have control over, but acknowledging that at times I have hurt someone or I have to skip things is a small kindness.

* I will say that my family and friends don't make me feel " guilty" about my struggles, So I'm sure that plays into my being more than willing to apologize when ever I feel it needs to be said. I recently had to put my husbands plans of camping off for almost a month due to my BP and pain.

I'm prone to being manic and having mixed episodes. When I'm manic I'm out of control and mean. I'm usually always trying to harm family. Like Christina mentioned, my family does not make me feel guilty even after. I was put in the hospital and my mom and a few others came to visit me. Afterwards they never mention any guilty word abt it. They just asked abt my meds and follow up appts. I have a hard time with humanity but I can take responsibility for my actions. When someone does something nice for me I'll do the same in return for them. I apologize because they do not even make me feel like I should....my actions harmed them or almost did. If I lash out and scare them we can talk abt what happen. I've gotten better with this but you never know. I have low blood pressure btw. I do not go around apologizing all the time abt each and every little thing. But I take responsibility for my actions.

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[raspberrytorte]

Tonight I said sorry to my husband because I snapped at him in a nasty way because he wanted to know what was up with me and granola bars lately (started seroquel again, so I have the seroquel munchies), and I've been a crazed, granola bar eating junkie, and I said, "Well you're the one advocating me going back on my seroquel!"

Unwarranted on my part. So I needed to apologize.

I rarely lash out or "lose control" but my SH and Sui behaviour has hurt many of my family and friends. Really I should have gone back to the hospital instead of toughing it out at home, my pdocs were pushing it for over a month. I think my relationships have suffered and I am once again not sure how to repair them. Usually it is me apologising and grovelling but this thread makes me realise I WAS sick and not myself, I have nothing to apologise for.

[lunaticfringe]

I'm all for taking responsibility for one's actions but I think there is a fine line between being sorry for snapping at someone and apologizing for every day things, for just existing in the way that we do. I don't know I just feel like society wants us to be sorry for being ourselves in general and wants to shut us up with meds and stuff. I just want to be my bipolar self and not have to apologize for it. Yes the meds have helped me through some tough times but overall I wish I could just follow my bipolar compass if you will. I guess I'm just saying that in general I feel ostracized from society and constantly feel like I'm not allowed to be myself and have to take meds for being who I am!!!

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by lunaticfringe

I'm all for taking responsibility for one's actions but I think there is a fine line between being sorry for snapping at someone and apologizing for every day things, for just existing in the way that we do. I don't know I just feel like society wants us to be sorry for being ourselves in general and wants to shut us up with meds and stuff. I just want to be my bipolar self and not have to apologize for it. Yes the meds have helped me through some tough times but overall I wish I could just follow my bipolar compass if you will. I guess I'm just saying that in general I feel ostracized from society and constantly feel like I'm not allowed to be myself and have to take meds for being who I am!!!

I wonder what it would be like to have bipolar disorder in more ancient times? Like when most humans lived in groups where everyone worked together towards basic survival goals. Do you think it would be easier? It seems like it to me in theory. I think modern western society (only society I know firsthand) is extremely tedious and way more complicated than our natural, primal lives would have been. So I can understand feeling pressured to be apologetic for not always fitting in very well to the tedious, complex rat race that is modern society. But I also don't feel too justified in complaining since I do enjoy lots of music, gaming, the internet, etc. It's weird.

[Crazy Hitch]

I try apologise before it reaches this stage.

Unfortunately sometimes even I am too late.