How well do you hide your symptoms?

When you are having symptoms (of any flavor), how well do you think that you hide them?

I feel like I am pretty darn good at hiding my really bad symptoms, but anyone close to me, I can't really hide the self-neglect very well, of course.

But for many years now I've sort of prided myself a bit (however irrationally) on how well I am able to drift through life with severe ideation issues, constant intrusive thoughts, occasional visual hallucinations, etc without anyone seeming to be able to pick up on it at all.

I only seem to slip it up when an episode gets really bad, because I start to lose touch with reality to the point that I'm unaware of things that, if I were paying attention to them, I would try hide them, but when it gets to a certain point, like I can go two weeks without showering and it won't even register in my awareness.

But verbally I've always managed to be pretty good at hiding things, most of the time. I can spend three hours having horrendous intrusive paranoid and morbid thoughts, then have a brief 'normal' and pleasant conversation with someone, and then go back to my madness.

Although I wonder if the cause/effect might not be somehow reversed. Like I noticed not long ago that I was having visual hallucinations, brief and nothing too crazy, but still just unpleasant in and of itself. Then I hung out with someone for a few hours, and I felt a lot more stable the whole time they were with me, didn't see anything that wasn't real (I don't think). I had a very hard time focusing and understanding things I normally would be quick about, but other than that, it was like I genuinely felt less nuts and was able to come across as less nuts than I really was that day.

There have been countless times when I've been talking to someone and getting all sorts of intrusive issues, imagery of violent and startling and random things, seeing imagery in my head, having flights of internal stimuli and feelings, but I've always felt fairly confident than the people around me were oblivious.

Over the past several months, there have been so many times when my mother has been going on and on about her vacations and such, right down to the details about her hotel rooms, and I feel like I do a pretty good job at seeming like I am 'there' even when my mind is a million miles away or running multiple different thought trains at the same time. Or I'll have spent the whole day contemplating the true nature and fate of humanity or some such thing, feeling very passionately and thinking very deeply in spiraling circles, and then switch to 'normal mode' to listen to someone talk about their day at work. Or at least seem to be in a 'normal mode'.

I also seem to be able to muster up the motivation for ADLs for the sake of other people. The thought will occur to me when I realize I have an obligation. My first pdoc appointment, I hadn't showered in several days, but I showered for the appointment in order to be respectful. I felt extremely anxious and agitated, but I managed to speak in a somewhat steady tone. I'd spent the previous week extremely wound up, suicidal, agitated, no hygiene and having hallucinations, yet was able to present myself as clean, dressed right and relatively sane for the appointment.

Problem is that I can only 'fake it' in short bursts. If I had to put on that presentation day after day, it would probably only be a few days to a week before I would deteriorate pretty damn fast. I know this just from previous job endeavors alone.

What about you guys/gals? Feel free to wall-of-text me here because I am rather curious on this.

I am not too sure if I do a decent job hiding my problems. I am constantly worried if other people in public can tell there is something off about me but I'm not sure if that's just my imagination. I'm the same as you, I always shower before my appts when I may not have showered or even gotten dressed for the few days beforehand. I always do my best to be as polite as I can be to people...but many times I end up being quite rude without really meaning to. I think people can tell something is off when a person is overly irritable or irritable for no reason. Sometimes I feel like even though I am trying hard to mask my...offness, I still give off a certain vibe like something is different about me. Having to "fake it" is one of the worst life experiences for me. I often avoid going into public for this reason and isolate myself. I am so glad I got SSDI because I no longer have to fake it at a job all day and it is just such a relief.

I am 47 and finally diagnosed as bipolar 3 months ago. I'd say I have some experience hiding symptoms. I'm new to the forum and I suck at articulating my thoughts. This diagnosis is overwhelming me ATM. I think in my case, self medicating, having a non confrontational wife, a job that gave me freedom and mostly hypo-manic phases kept me within the realm of a "normal" perception. That all changed when I hit 40, quite drinking and my job brought me into the office in a professional type setting... I'm struggling now.

I, too, am able to hide it significantly well. Not unlike you, when my symptoms become extremely severe, I lose control. However, once, when terribly psychotic, I vacationed with my family. They thought my newly strong faith was bizarre and noted my behavior as bizare, but it was only in hindsight the depth of my illness was realized. Once they learned (or remembered ) my illness, it dawned on them how sick I had been during our vacation. Prior to my rediagnosis, apparently, they were ignorant.

Have you ever had a job in a super dysfunctional work environment? I've had a couple of those and was able to blend in even when I couldn't fake being normal anymore. I worked at one company where one day the general manager threw her pack of cigarettes at the company owner's face while they were arguing, and it was just no big deal. Was one of the only places in my life where I was able to not stand out haha.

Isn't that nuts sometimes how people don't recognize it? I think it's denial, honestly. I once flipped out and was very upset because I thought the government was coming to round us up in FEMA camps to kill us, and I was very upset in a distressed sort of way, not an angry way. But then my mother and her husband took it personally and turned it into a huge fight lmao. They were genuinely pissed off at me and engaging as though it were a normal fight, and I was psychotic the entire time. Weeks later when the episode was winding down and I looked back on that fight, I was just like wtf really?

I mask my symptoms well, but when I start going off the rails its SUPER obvious to everyone. It wasn't until I started taking mood stabilizers and regularly going to therapy that I realized how "off the deep end" some of my behavior came across.

Haha I'd say all the places I've worked (many many jobs) have been dysfunctional in some way. That's part of what was so stressful to me because every little interaction just stressed me out SO much that I preformed poorly at work...especially when there was passive aggressive type stuff going on or people talking behind each other's backs. Can't do it. At least not at this time in my life. Also had sexual harassment stuff and other totally uncalled for ****. People get way too personal at jobs. I don't know I think I just have problems getting along with most types of people.

I think I tend to overcompensate because I'm trying so hard to seem 'normal' that sometimes I might be too normal and everyone around me seems nuts, because they have normal people dysfunctions but are not trying at all to hide them. Heh.

I can't hide my emotions, but how bad I am doing I got that one down pat. I could be having intrusive thoughts of suicide for weeks and not a single person would know. I will walk about like a zombie, but nobody would see me as anything but down. I think I have had this illness for most of my life, but was able to function until last year.

I think it is certainly denial. I once took a 6 hour shower. My husband was awake for 4 of those hours. When he came in the bathroom, terrified, I told him it was the Holy Spirit and he needed to leave. He did leave and, instead of committing me, he claimed to buy into the whole Holy Spirit thing, even asking me questions like "what does it sound like when God speaks to you (even after I advised him that the Holy Spirit had cast demons from me by making me vomit evil spirits)?" It was me who, after almost a year, finally decided that the (at that point) arguing with demons about whether or not they would steal my soul for going back to a psychitrist was in fact delusional. So I talked with my husband and we argreed I should go back to a psychiatrist and get back on meds. To this day, I still don't have a viable explantion for why he accepted my extrordinarily radical behavior. It was his first major experience of a bipolar episode, especially a manic episode and he claims he was just afraid. But, he was plainly in denial.

Unfortunately I am really, really good at hiding my symptoms. I can convince people of my delutions. It's only when I'm SI(ing) that anyone will tell.

Years ago I just switched to my legs and only wear pants. I got extremely sick of people not caring about my mental or emotional well-being, but giving me a ton of **** over the condition of my flesh.

I used to be able to fake it really well, in fact I held down very responsible management jobs for much of my nursing career. But things started spinning out of control in late 2011and never went back to normal (whatever THAT is), and that cost me two jobs and most of my dignity. Now I'm settling down again now that I'm on SSDI and don't have to fake it anymore. Not surprisingly, my symptoms have mostly gone away and I'm quite stable.

I am able to hide it so well, My husband and T don't realize it until I say... I need to go IP, now. I have great self awareness, Thankfully

My psychiatrist said I am "hard to read and high functioning."
Whatever. I am always clean and don't cry that often in front of her. I also don't give her a mood chart.

Me too......the last two times I went IP.....I told my husband as I was packing my bag and sent texts to my kids so they would know where I was.

I have had depression since February and have successfully hid almost every symptom from everyone I know, with two exceptions (my friends who help me with it). I even went to Disneyland with my family recently, and even though half the time I felt like happiness was just straight up a lie humanity tells itself to make itself feel better, and no one ever caught on.
Occasionally a really bad episode of something akin to a panic attack (but not as bad) will happen while I'm around other people, and those I can't hide from anyone. I can only try my best to get over it and hide it again as quickly as possible, at which point I can give some excuse for my behavior. ("It's just nerves," "I didn't sleep well last night," etc.)
Hiding depression, or any mental illness I suppose, is incredibly tiring and incredibly draining. If you aren't in a position where it's just simply necessary (I unfortunately am), I highly suggest not trying to hide it. Take care.

At a job? I think I hide it pretty well. If anything I might seem a little down. I don't hide it well from my family. They are pretty attuned to when my moods shift.

Mine aren't hidden when I'm manic at all.

If left to my own vices:

I overspend

I'm loud

I'm arrogant

I take risks

I'm just downright foolish.

I'd like to believe I hide it extremely well.. however I know people think I'm a bit "off".. however they would contribute it to something else completely..(even deciding I'm just stupid I suppose) then to ever believe I have BP disorder... whatever.. as for my family... they all know... Wife's parents know too.... which is somewhat cool because they mostly leave me alone when it comes to anything serious

You must be my twin!
This describes it perfectly, especially the shower part. I once hadn't gotten out of bed for a month but I got up and shower before my Pdoc appointment.

I'm perfection at work in hiding. Nobody believes that we're multiples with a mood disorder. Hey, that's what we do, hide and survive.

When I'm depressed I hide it masterfully.

Hypomanic? No chance at hiding it.

I'm a pro when it comes to work. Everyone knows about my BP. When I'm going through a depression I just put on that fake smile, then nobody asks me what's wrong. I hate being bugged like that, even though I know they have good intentions. Now my hubby and sister have me pretty much figured out. I still try to hide it though, I don't want to put more stress on them.