The Truth

The truth is that I have an out of control gambling addiction...my marriage is falling apart. Trying to get med combo figured out and I need to get back to work. I don't even know where to start. I get a little help then self sabbatage.....I know I need help but according to my new therapist I'm still in denial, I know she is right. I need to find some strength inside of me to get better. Currently having quite the pity party!

While I'm normally fine with finances, during episodes I have little to no ability to keep my money in my possession.... Now, whenever a paycheck comes, I immediately scramble it to places that I can't touch it quickly. A chunk of it goes into a savings account with withdrawal limits. Another chunk goes to a broker - not even investing it right now, just setting up the cards so that it takes a few days to transfer the money in and out. Essentially my version of a self-imposed cool-down period. I have to make sure my money isn't terribly liquid, or else I'll just metaphorically spill it everywhere.

I can't speak much to the gambling end of things, but maybe it'll help to limit the financial scale of weak moments and monetary loss?

I can't relate to the addiction part since my gambling issue was very acute, but I can relate to the experience to a little extent.

I had a very delusional episode that lasted about 3 weeks total several years ago, where I was having conversations with someone unknown entity or energy that was encouraging me to gamble and somehow everything was connected and meaningful, and there was a deal involved and it was part of some higher mission, like I was going to win but then I would receive very specific instructions on what to do with the money and my life, I was just going to be an instrument for a greater cause. Etc.

Well long story short I spent over $600 on scratch off lottery tickets in under 3 weeks (a lot of money for me), did not win or go on to help the world in some greater cause. I did however have lots of very shiny and sparkling tickets all over my then-office.

When it was all over I was so embarrassed and confused at the whole thing, normally I'm the more logic-based type and would never fall for such a thing as a state lottery scheme. Felt like I had been possessed and oh goodness I was so flippin embarrassed.

I am sure you're not alone in the pity party, plenty of us have done some nutty stuff while knowing it was nutty.

Thanks for your comments. My days of handling my own finances are over. Letting go of that is hard but neccessary

Thanks for your comments. My days of handling my own finances are over. Letting go of that is hard but neccessary