[elevatedsoul]

i've been trying to be patient and wait (eagerly) for my next pdoc appointment, i only have 5 more days to wait (thursday the 16th) but im becoming so anxious that i cant stand it

i dont know what to expect at my next appointment although i hope to switch from the seroquel and zyprexa to something else ... this is probably a big cause of my current anxiety, not knowing what to expect drives me bonkers...

i've been experiencing anhedonia for a good while now (a year or so) so any change from what im on right now will be strongly welcomed...

i want to go back to my old self!!

i just feel so... dead....
i dont enjoy anything and its very ... bland... i don't know how to describe the feeling, knowing that i have to make it just 1 more day is becoming so challenging

i just want to feel better and im starting to wonder if i ever will

i told my new case manager how im feeling and described the part about not enjoying anything...
he said thats terrible, but if you can try to play video games or something to distract yourself till the appointment
the problem is i cant do 1 thing for longer than 5 minutes because i get antsy and need to move on...

my symptoms are smart, they hide from me behind a wall of dissociation...
i have memory gaps and would lose my head if it wasn't attached...
so you can imagine how anxious i get when i actually go into the doctors office and try to explain something that i dont understand (my symptoms)
i feel like my symptoms are taking control and im becoming more and more disabled by this... how can this be while on seroquel and zyprexa? i dont understand being medicated and having symptoms...

i just wish the dissociation would get better
that i can enjoy some things again, music, games, art
that i didnt sleep all the time and feel like sleeping all the time
that i could just have my life back...

thanks for reading im done ranting...

[raspberrytorte]

I have an appointment on thursday too. I'm anxious about it as well. New pdoc. Want off seroquel.

I don't feel dead inside at all. My emotions have actually been quite volatile lately.

My problem is that I can't concentrate or focus on anything. And the seroquel is slowing me down so much. I used to be quite energetic and active. Now I can barely get my *** off the couch to clean in the morning. I can't even vacuum. And don't make fun of me, but I love vacuuming. Lol. And at work I've been slowing down too. I used to be very fast. I just hate being this way. I'm anxious about whatever new med she's going to put me on to replace the seroquel. I want weight neutral. I don't want to go on another antipsychotic, and I can't afford any of them anyway (except for stupid seroquel!). I try reading each night to help. And it does help. It's just all of my projects I can't focus on (and I have about five of them going on right now!). I'm also anxious because she wants me off clonazepam, and I've been using that as my sole anti-anxiety med, and I need something to replace that with because I have severe anxiety, but the only anti-anxiety meds are antidepressants, and the two I've tried in the past didn't work out so well.

Anyway, hopefully our appointments go well.

I'm going to go in with a lot of notes about the way I've been feeling lately. I plan on being prepared. Maybe writing down how you've been feeling will help? And then you can just read off of it. I know that helps me.

[Capriciousness]

I don't have any advice. Just letting you know I read your words and hear you. Hugs to you.

[RisuNeko]

I hope my next pdoc doesn't make me come off clonazepam. I'm worried about that. I've been on it off and on for like 5 years and it's the only thing I've found that puts a dent in my anxiety. I just hope my next pdoc is a good one. It's always such a ****shoot.

[Shadesofdark]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

...i just wish the dissociation would get better
that i can enjoy some things again, music, games, art
that i didnt sleep all the time and feel like sleeping all the time
that i could just have my life back...

thanks for reading im done ranting...

You are singing my song. You are not alone. Ranting is good for the soul.

[Crazy Hitch]

((((((elevatedsoul)))))))

Easier said than done for me to say .... hang in there ..... your symptoms have been going for a while, I just wish you could find some relief.

Thinking of you in the interum and hope that your appointment on the 16th goes well.

Medication is just one aspect, there are many things you can try to lift your mood. Medication can certainly help but therapy is how you will find long term relief.

[elevatedsoul]

i know therapy helps, i learned a lot during the time i was in therapy
right now i dont think i can do therapy due to my current location (i moved farther away from the clinic)
i cant afford to ride back and forth more than i already do
so im relying on the skills i learned in CBT for now and hoping that a medication change will help with the rest

im very excited/anxious about my thursday appointment! its been so long since i've felt this way i just pray that the appointment goes well and im able to get off the zyprexa and seroquel and change to something else (im thinking about abilify as its more activating)

thank you all for the support!
i will let yall know how the appointment goes