Rejected

Hi guys

I've been off the site for quite sometime because I thought I was doing well. But as usual, I've hit a wall. I've always struggled with personal relationships/friendships, but today I can't take it. In therapy I'm always asked/told to open myself up to going out and meeting people, but most times that's out of my comfort zone and I remain in my bubble in the comfort of my living room. I finally decided to put myself out there, but with few friends I do have, no one can ever commit to plans with me. It's so frustrating!!! I suck at making and keeping finds and feel rejected all the time. At work I can be a social butterfly, but in the real world I'm a social pariah. What gives? Please tell me I'm not the only one...

you're definitely not the only one
i don't have any friends

You're not alone. I can be a social butterfly when I'm my normal self but when I'm depressed it's hard to even say hello. Which is most of the time. I went to a quilt group last night and everyone kept commenting on how I wasn't talking. It was embarrassing but I just couldn't overcome the depression enough to talk. I felt totally out of place and wondered if they just thought I was rude. I told them I was just concentrating on getting the work done, but that didn't seem to satisfy them. I don't think I'm going back again.

I've been told quite a few times I'm rude because I don't talk a lot. Most times, I just don't have anything worth saying. But lately I feel like when I'm out the house I can be ok, but getting out of the house is the real struggle because most of the time it's like, what's the point??

I deal with this also. I have no friends outside of my family. I have severe social anxiety. Social Anxiety is common in bipolar and makes the illness more severe, and harder to treat.

I think I'm going to try to find a group or something to join. Something to get me out of the house and socializing from time to time.

Best of luck to you.

I tend to run during episodes for numerous reasons ... and if I'm depressed I'll barely speak to anyone. Pure mania will make me speak to anyone but I guess after a manic episode ... I want to run and hide. Right now I don't really feel like speaking to anyone IRL. Sucks! So no, whatever the underlying reason is I figure you are not alone.

Good luck to you too!!

I had to do an almost complete overhaul of my friends group years ago after making a lot of progress with some personality disorder / trauma-based issues. The types of people I had attracted while so terribly dysfunctional.. well they no longer matched well with me after I had made a lot of progress, will put it that way. It sounds like this may be the case for you, as well, to some degree. If you normally are too anxious and shy to do much with people, then chances are that some of your "friends" are not true friends. Maybe not all, of course, but I would imagine the chances are high that at least some of them are actually not true friends to you. This may not even mean they are 'bad' people or anything like that. But basically I think that for many, once you've committed to making progress, you really have to just dive right in, leap of faith that ****. Which often means meeting new people and making new friends, but you can start with just making chitchat with people you encounter, like coffee shop staff and whatnot. Small steps for big, positive changes.

My old friends weren't real friends, so I relate to what you're saying CopperStar. They weren't bad people, They were just unhealthy for me, because of my particular brand of mental illness.

They would talk very badly about their other "so called" friends and backstab.

They were very negative influences on my mental state. Everything they said about others, I knew they said about me too (I think this was a delusion) Therefore, I couldn't be "there for them" when they'd vent, because I would be thinking they were actually saying these horrible things about me. It was weird.

I need friends who don't talk bad about others all the time, but it seems that most women do that in friendships because they need to vent. I want them to be able to vent, without my mind thinking they are actually saying mean things about me.

Therefore, I know that my "friends" problem is more about me, and not other people. I used to think it had to do with others, but it's definitely an issue with me, stemming from bipolar and SA. That is why I feel I'd have an easier time with someone who is bipolar, because at least they might understand my issue, and be sensitive to it I guess.

Sorry to hijack the thread

Yeah I completely fit the stereotype as far as Borderline PD people attracting and being attracted to NPD and AsPD people. I was always in the midst of some weirdly romanticized warfare. I was also very insecure and paranoid deep down, so my 'friends' tended to be extremely dominant and manipulative types. Overcoming the severity of my BPD traits definitely had to include cleaning house in my social life, eventually. My then-friends and then-lover were bringing out the worst in me, and I had to take responsibility and start avoiding triggers, quit playing the games. Takes two to tango and all that jazz.

So I just imagine that if someone is very anxious and avoidant, then they might also need to overhaul some of their social circle and start fresh, when they begin to make decent progress.

Yes, it's a good idea to make sure you choose the right friends, instead of just any person.

I'm very familiar with NPD, ASPD and the BPD relationship dynamics. I'm sorry you dealt with that.

When I was very manic and ill, I thought my brother, his wife and my best friend were sociopaths. I no longer think they are, but I spend a lot of time researching the disorder.

Copperstar, I'm glad you were able to overhaul your friendships and now have more healthy people in your life. That is excellent.

I have no friends
I'm just too much work
People need so much for me.
I just can't give it

I like being isolated. People for the most part aren't worth my time . The loniless factor used to kick in a lot,but now,I just want to get away.If anything, we are your friends,online at least.

i relate with wellshii18...
i have not met very many people that i can truly say are worth my time...
i have no friends... the people i know are alcoholics and drug addicts that are only out to help themselves

im happy to have psych central, a place that i can relate with others and hopefully create real friendships over time

dont give up, i'll be your friend

I've never been a social person. I hate it. Some think I'm stuck up because the way I look... Rarely smile etc. I think social situations are seriously overrated

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