[birdcrazy]

Believe it or not, my husband is such a huge trigger for my Bipolar, landing me in the mental ward so much, that mental health is considering court ordering me into a group home! But he is not verbally or physically abusive and showers me in love!

The problem is that he's very chronically ill with multiple things. At least once a month, he's hospitalized or he's going through yet another surgery. On top of that, our financial situation is very poor, we live in a hell hole and I have no transportation putting stress when I need to take him to the hospital or a doctor.

On top of that, he often gets cut or burned, and I've been told he does this to himself. Once when he almost severed a finger I was told the injury was almost certainly self-inflected. He almost severed another finger too and is actually missing a finger he lost due to an infection said to have been due to a self-inflicted injury. Also he botched two colonoscopies by eating at the wrong time and he's diabetic and he likes to eat at night when I'm sleeping and I've caught him downing pure sugar.

Nurses at the hospital say he demands constant attention, misbehaves by pulling out IVs, and flirts with them.

Also stressing me out is he is pressuring me to have a child! How can I take care of a child in the above situations?

I'm cycling in my moods again and I feel another trip to the hospital because he just went through another surgery and he ended up with a second degree burn he won't tell me how he got. But we are like soulmates and I love him so much! What am I to do?

[wiretwister]

if you can find someone on a sliding scale and if you can find a way to get there it sounds like counseling would help for him and you, maybe as a couple ... help him cope with this self destructive behavior ... and your stress ...

[~Christina]

Is he seeing a Doctor or therapist to help himself with his numerous health problems? If he doesn't want to get help it's unlikely he will change . It is possible if you do leave that might rattle his cage enough to make him sit up pay attention and realize he needs to take responsibilty for himself and how his lifestyle and actions are effecting you.

By all means do not get pregnant.. I think that would be a disaster for you.

Sometimes push comes to shove and you cant allow a person, even someone you love so much to drag you down and drown you.

Ask your treatment team to explain more to you about what options you have if you do need to protect your own sanity and get out. Gather sa much information as possible so you can make informed decisions.

I wish you luck

[CopperStar]

Okay I can tell you this as someone with very strong BPD traits that flare up from time to time.

Our behavior is ultimately selfish. We usually don't see it that way, as in we don't intend to be selfish, but we can easily get wrapped up so much in our emotional wounds and needs, that point-black we act very selfishly sometimes. We don't consider the emotional and mental stress it puts others through when we self-harm or self-sabotage. All we focus on is that it's a desperate and effective way to get attention and feel loved and cared for, even if it's just temporary attention from some medical staff.

But I'm saying this to validate you. His behavior is selfish. He is stressing you out mentally and emotionally, and doesn't seem to care about that. That is not "loving". That is passive-aggressive, selfish attention-seeking. He is probably a good person, most of us are, but what he is doing is indeed wrong and selfish. You must set very firm boundaries and be pushy about him getting help, but with boundaries, so that you don't become responsible for his responsibility to get help. A good therapist can help you with this.

[Chickenkicker]

There comes a time when a very complicated relationship winds up like a matted mass of fishing line, and the only option is to cut it and start over. Are you at that point? Just because you love someone...doesn't mean you should be together...especially since this relationship is costing you so much of what you'll never get back. If the stress of dealing with it is landing you in IP, its toxic. No two ways about it.

But the big thing that got my attention was his pressuring you to bring a child into this situation! He knows dang well he isn't capable of taking care of it, so guess who will? It will be you, and only you. Its real easy to want something just to want it...without going through the mechanics of actually getting it and having the knowhow and energy to deal with it. 3yr olds do it all the time.

Normal children bring unimaginable stress to 'successful' parents. Imagine how negatively it will affect yours beings there are so many issues in play currently? Imagine again life with a child with disabilities (which if you two have issues, the likelihood is great). I lived that one myself, passing on my bipolar in the form of autism to my son...and bipolar to my daughter. Please tell him 'NO', its not negotiable to get him off your back...until there is more stability in your relationship. Good Luck!

[BipolaRNurse]

Your husband sounds like he's sicker than you are. For the love of God, do NOT bring a child into this world, not until he's gotten help and you have both been stable for a long time.

[Nammu]

Maybe a group home would be beneficial for you. If it's a good one they can help you stabilize and set boundaries so that both of you can get well. Two unhealthy people don't make one strong union instead they feed off of each other making them both weaker. You can not fix him, he need doctors and T to help him do that. Perhaps the temporary separation will give you both the nudge you need to heal.

You can only work on fixing you, get the help you need to do that first.

Brave of Copperstar to say what they did.

[Crazy Hitch]

(((birdcrazy)))

I can't even begin to imagine ...

This is really hard.

I hope that no matter what transpires it is something that serves your own mental health well in the long run.