Who has kids ? Does your bipolar make you unable or make it hard to care for your children??just asking and what do you do if you can't get out of bed?

I have three sons. Not getting out of bed simply hasn't been an option. I am the primary income in our home, so that make the motivation pretty extrinsic at times, but perhaps that is what has saved me.

The times I've had to be hospitalized, fortunately I have a husband who is also a pretty fantastic dad, so we are pretty good and tagging teaming things. He has his own very serious medical problems and some mental health issues, but working together, we have done a great job raising our boys.

In a way, having those boys has probably kept me healthier in the long-run because being the best person, the best wife, the best mother I can be is pretty motivating. As a parent, you kind of do what you have to do despite it all.

[Daonnachd]

I have two.

When they were smaller, it was easy enough to do a basic job of parenting, keep them safe and happy.
Now that they're older, they understand (for the most part) when I'm having a rough day of it and they'll step up to managing on their own. It may not be the meals I'd make, but they're not starving.
If it's a concert they're playing in or that sort of thing, I show up, but I don't socialise, unless, of course, I'm (hypo)manic, in which case I try to talk to everyone.

Single Mom of 2 teens. It is hard and it sucks and they deserve better. I try not to feel guilty, but I do.

[raspberrytorte]

We have a three year old daughter.

Staying in bed isn't an option for me, as I work full time, and with a toddler you can't just lay around all day on your days off, but I've also never had trouble with being up and staying active while depressed. I'm a more of a pissed off and frustrated with how I'm feeling depressed person, and I cry a lot, so she's seen me crying and that makes me feel bad.

For me becoming and being a parent and being comfortable with it has been difficult. But it's getting better for me the older she gets.

[~Christina]

Having a child made me accountable.

I couldn't check out when I wanted to. I had a Daughter to raise and care for, At times it was hellish and I wanted to just jump in bed and hide.. But that wasn't going to pay my mortgage and put food on my table for her and I.

[RomanJames2014]

I'm really afraid of having kids because I don't want my bipolar to affect them.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

I have a son. My husband is also bipolar. Parenting is hard but I don't know if it's any harder. Each of us have a therapist so my son can be the most well adjusted as possible. I'm a severe case. On days I'm to depressed we read or watch movies in bed. My problem is mania, angry, psychotic mania. I'm slowly learning those are the times I have to go IP fast if sleeping meds don't work. I tell my son I need a med adjustment and IP is the fastest way to do that.

One day my children will be old enough to tell me how they think my bipolar affected them. I don't think it will be a good conversation.

But, if I had chosen not to have children, then it would be a conversation that I would have never had the opportunity to have.........

[loophole]

I'm a dad to two girls and one boy. I'm the only source of income to my family as my wife stays home with the kids.. There is a lot of weight on my shoulders at all times. So many days I just want to stay in bed (once every couple months I often run dry and do). As far as being a dad goes. I give that my all every day.. Sometimes I get a little flustered but for the most part my kids would tell you I'm the daddy you play with. My wife is more so the boss, she's good at that, she had that down to a science before we had kids though.

Sent from my iPhone 6 plus using Tapatalk

[slave_2010]

Similar to loophole I'm a dad to three, except I have one daughter and two sons. My older son who is five asked me the other day why I take so many RXs. My wife jumped in and blurted out "they're for daddy so that he acts normal" with a smirk...that comment wasn't too much of a surprise, I did follow up with my son later and told him daddy can feel kinda moody or anxious if he doesn't take the meds. Later my daughter 9 y/asked I explain more, and I did. I didn't give her the term bipolar ...yet... My said later too that she wanted to keep the bipolar "thing" not noticeable to the kids. First I believe in being honest with them so I'm not going to lie about it, second I can't hide it, I'm moody around them and sometimes it effects how I am to them, unfortunately. I just make sure they know daddy loves them, as I'm more cool tempered I want them to feel open to talking to me about their feelings (my daughter does). I will do everything possible drawing the line at any behavior that would scare them or make them feel anxious or insecure. My older son already has anxiety issues, part of me wonders if I'm related to it. I guess Id say don't hide the diagnosis of bipolar, do everything you can to be a solid foundation for them remain vigilant knowing your emotional state does that effect them yet I've found my kids anyway (so far) to be forgiving enough when I may yell for no reason or I'm too depressed to get off the couch to go outside and play. I guess I'm hoping the combination of honesty on my part, acknowledging to them how I may have made them feel (I've apologized at times) and extra effort later showing its not their fault and they are loved, might keep them from needing to talk to a therapist about me one day. However if they do then that's fine, its not their fault their daddy isn't normal.

bipolar rapid cycling - lamitcal 300mg
panic attacks - clonazepam 4mg
depression/generalized anxiety - lexapro 10mg
add - adderall 55mg

i'm the logic to the screw up to the broken one who fixed it

[mjrwraith]

Well figured I'd jump in this conversation and give my experience. I have 4 kids 2 girls and two boys. Both me and my wife work and share household responsibilities. My oldest daughter is 9 and she is a God send. She has the comprehension of most teens. So when she noticed some things were "off" with daddy she asked my wife and I if I was OK. We sat her down and explained it the best we could and surprisingly to us she caught on very well. So if I'm having a down day, which is usually I want to stay in bed, and f off. I get extremely dark is the best way I can explain it. My oldest normally catches it and helps me to get out of bed and to function for their sake. She also will make games for them to play that keeps the younger 3, who are 8, 5, and 2, from agitating me. My oldest son the 8 year old is a little too much like me lol. He doesn't quite understand but he's getting better and will help out the best way he can. Then when Mommy is home she is my rock that keeps me grounded. She knows when to do whatever I need to make it through. So I can't imagine I'd have made it this far without my wife and kids. When all my will and energy are spent the thought of them just gives me that little boost to get me over the hump. Albeit sometimes it's more of a crawl lol.

Sent from my LG-D631 using Tapatalk

[Sesiley]

My schitzoaffective disorder bipolar type makes it difficult...very....without medications. I can't control myself. The littlest things would get me severely agitated, can't get out of bed, yell and not have patience with them, etc...

I have 3 kids. 5,3,18 months. I can't do it without meds, no way

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G750A using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

Single mother of an almost 12 year old... Being non-functional is not really an option, because her existence (and my widowed mom) forces me to get my butt out of bed in order to hold down a job...


I never thought I would describe myself as lucky to be working in the retail sector, but its been a Godsend in that I have off days during the week, so I can mentally check out while she's at school should I need to.


Her mere existence is the reason I made it to birthday number 31 this past weekend. No doubt I would've checked out by now, if not for her.


She's my guardian Angel


She's very intuitive and always knew her mommy was a lil crazy compared to other mommy's... And since we made an honesty pact when the sperm donor was told to exit, I have been up front about my dx and answer any questions she may have.


I told her in the most simplest of ways, well I kinda had to, she was only 6 and insisting I honor our pact.


I think parenting is difficult no matter which way you slice it. I also believe all parents, single or otherwise, should have a good support system in place. For breaks, date nights, or whatever... Having bipolar, I would just recommend your support system be solid and on board.


I don't think this dx should rob people of the joys of parenthood, unless of course you are so bad off that you need a full time care giver yourself.


Then it makes no sense to entertain being someone else's caregiver.


Especially not a child's, its a 24/7/365 day job, and you don't ever get to take off, misplace, lose, forget, or give away your mommy or daddy hat.


It's rewarding as ***** though, and probably the only reason I've managed so well.


Her well-being and happiness is my greatest motivator, it comes second to my challenges.

[Edgar's Mom]

I read this thread a couple of days ago and it has been bugging me ever since. I’ve wanted to respond but haven’t been sure how.

Many of you said that you stepped up to do your job as a parent because you had no choice. That you could fight your bipolar and win, gain enough control over it to be a good parent.

When you say it like that, I feel like that means I wasn’t able to parent my children the way I would have liked because I 'chose' not to.

Maybe you had better luck with meds or maybe you are just stronger people than I am.

But I feel that I also didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t control my BP. Sometimes getting out of bed wasn’t an option. Sometimes for me parenting wasn’t an option.

Does this mean I was weak? That I wasn’t committed enough or that I didn’t love my kids enough?

Or does it mean that I have a physical illness that kicked the **** out of me and took over my life?

I had my kids young and they were middle aged before I was finally diagnosed and medicated, so I was very ill when they were little.

I was a mess when they were younger. I was a single parent and had it not been for my parents’ help I wouldn’t have been able to keep them. I mean, who would have had them while I was in the hospital?

My kids were used to me sleeping a lot. I remember being barely able to move with tears coming out and feeling like I wanted to die because I had to go pour a bowl of cereal. I remember resenting them for needing me. I remember resenting the fact that I had to stay alive for them.

In the early years of my children’s lives I was not treated. I was a wreck. I was in and out of relationships, my moods were crazy and they got dragged along for the roller coaster ride.

In a hypomanic episode I married a complete stranger and moved my kids across the country to live with him. He was an abusive monster who dragged my little boy out of bed and told him to wake up, that his mother was going to kill herself and he was never going to see her again. My kids lived with the constant fear of me killing myself and probably still do.

My kids were used to the house being dark and dirty with me lying around on the couch, or me irritable and angry, while obsessively cleaning and organizing every inch of it when I cycled up.

I did not choose this.

Without help, I would not have been able to keep them. And that would not have been my choice.

Fortunately for me my parents were very close and they shielded my kids from much it. They took them on weekends, they took them when I was unstable, and my mom was there to help me do things like pay bills and get groceries.

Then later I met and married my husband. He was an awesome parent and he was our rock. It was after I met him that I finally got treatment.

Don’t get me wrong, I have many good qualities as a parent and in spite of my challenges I’ve done a pretty good job, especially as part of a team with my hubby.

I got to keep my kids because I had the good luck to have the help of some very supportive people.

But that was luck. Not any choice I made. Not everyone is so lucky.

[Nammu]

Edgar's mom.

Thanks for that. My daughters life didn't go so well either. I wrote out a post then was to chicken to post it.

My daughter is why I left my ex. She didn't deserve to grow up thinking it was ok to get battered. I left when she was 2 1/2.

When I was stable things were good. But shortly before I left they put me on ADs and my life became horrible. When she was about 3 I would just be laying on the couch all day crying. I didn't resent her for needing me but I had no ability to care.

She knew something was off. When she was around 5 she broke my heart. She said when she grew up she was going to get a good job and take care of me.

Like you if it hadn't been for my parents I would not have been able to keep her as long as I did. The summer before she started 2nd grade I was doing so badly I signed over her care to my parents. I mostly decided after I had a dissociative period of around 6 months. It was winter. Then the next thing I was aware of it was spring. I told her we need to go somewhere and to get her coat and boots. She looked at me and said, mom it's warm out side. It was spring. She said we had been having fun. I would tell her she didn't have to go to school and we'd go downtown to the park in the skyway and ride the merry go round or we'd go out to the mall of America. That scared me so much. Being a single mom and having great chunks of time missing and going off in the middle of the night not aware I had left her alone. Sometimes getting picked up by the police and taken to hospitals.

My parents lived in a big house in a smaller town with a good school and could give her stability. I didn't have any of those things. I felt she'd be much better off there. No one asked me to do that, everyone seemed to think I was a great mom. I don't know why but that's what they thought.

taking care of her might have been helping me stay more stable than I thought because after she went to my parents my life really fell apart.

She's in her 30's and tells me she loves me and that I was a great mom. Don't know how she can say that. She too is bipolar but never got the dissociation or PTSD. She says that she knows how important it is to stay on top of her MI and has a 3 year old son. She's been with her husband for 7 years and they are buying their first house. I'm in awe of her. She's amazing.

I have been told by multiply pdocs, gdocs, friends and family that having children should not be an option for me. They have gone to great lengths to make sure I have not got pregnant. Just recently a very close family friend said I should get everything removed because I will never be stable enough to provide for a child.

Originally Posted by Edgar's Mom

Many of you said that you stepped up to do your job as a parent because you had no choice. That you could fight your bipolar and win, gain enough control over it to be a good parent.

When you say it like that, I feel like that means I wasn’t able to parent my children the way I would have liked because I 'chose' not to.

Maybe you had better luck with meds or maybe you are just stronger people than I am.

But I feel that I also didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t control my BP. Sometimes getting out of bed wasn’t an option. Sometimes for me parenting wasn’t an option.

Does this mean I was weak? That I wasn’t committed enough or that I didn’t love my kids enough?

Or does it mean that I have a physical illness that kicked the **** out of me and took over my life?

Please remember, we are all only speaking for ourselves. We not commenting on anyone else's situation. I know for me, my ability to keep parenting effectively, was due to several factors. First and foremost, I have an extremely strong support system, particularly in my husband. If I had been trying to parent alone, things probably would have looked much different. Secondly, I received help very quickly and generally responded fairly well to treatment. Mine was not an easy case. I was hospitalized 15 times in a 10 year span, so it wasn't about mine being a milder case or me being stronger, but with the combination of support and fortunately good response to treatment, I was able to continue working, only missing a small amount of work time.

Try to remember when we tell our stories here, they are OUR stories, not comments on you because we don't know you, your life is your own, and everyone's struggle with bipolar disorder is their own journey.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Edgar's Mom

I read this thread a couple of days ago and it has been bugging me ever since. I’ve wanted to respond but haven’t been sure how.

Many of you said that you stepped up to do your job as a parent because you had no choice. That you could fight your bipolar and win, gain enough control over it to be a good parent.

When you say it like that, I feel like that means I wasn’t able to parent my children the way I would have liked because I 'chose' not to.

Maybe you had better luck with meds or maybe you are just stronger people than I am.

But I feel that I also didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t control my BP. Sometimes getting out of bed wasn’t an option. Sometimes for me parenting wasn’t an option.

Does this mean I was weak? That I wasn’t committed enough or that I didn’t love my kids enough?

Or does it mean that I have a physical illness that kicked the **** out of me and took over my life?

I had my kids young and they were middle aged before I was finally diagnosed and medicated, so I was very ill when they were little.

I was a mess when they were younger. I was a single parent and had it not been for my parents’ help I wouldn’t have been able to keep them. I mean, who would have had them while I was in the hospital?

My kids were used to me sleeping a lot. I remember being barely able to move with tears coming out and feeling like I wanted to die because I had to go pour a bowl of cereal. I remember resenting them for needing me. I remember resenting the fact that I had to stay alive for them.

In the early years of my children’s lives I was not treated. I was a wreck. I was in and out of relationships, my moods were crazy and they got dragged along for the roller coaster ride.

In a hypomanic episode I married a complete stranger and moved my kids across the country to live with him. He was an abusive monster who dragged my little boy out of bed and told him to wake up, that his mother was going to kill herself and he was never going to see her again. My kids lived with the constant fear of me killing myself and probably still do.

My kids were used to the house being dark and dirty with me lying around on the couch, or me irritable and angry, while obsessively cleaning and organizing every inch of it when I cycled up.

I did not choose this.

Without help, I would not have been able to keep them. And that would not have been my choice.

Fortunately for me my parents were very close and they shielded my kids from much it. They took them on weekends, they took them when I was unstable, and my mom was there to help me do things like pay bills and get groceries.

Then later I met and married my husband. He was an awesome parent and he was our rock. It was after I met him that I finally got treatment.

Don’t get me wrong, I have many good qualities as a parent and in spite of my challenges I’ve done a pretty good job, especially as part of a team with my hubby.

I got to keep my kids because I had the good luck to have the help of some very supportive people.

But that was luck. Not any choice I made. Not everyone is so lucky.

Don't feel bad. It's different for everyone. It's been different for me because I got pregnant when I was 28 (SURPRISE!) and had her when I was 29 and was under psychiatric care long before I got pregnant. And I'm on meds.

And, like I said, I am still not comfortable with the whole parent thing, and she'll be four in October.

The first year and a half of her life I was mostly depressed, so she saw me cry a lot. I'm still too anxious and paranoid a lot of the time to take her places, so luckily my husband does.

Also - everyone has different types of depression.

You're not a weak person.

[Trippin2.0]

(((((((Edgar's Mom and SideStepper))))))))


My heart goes out to you and I know I speak for all when I say this thread was never meant to make either of you feel less than.


If you re read my post, I mentioned a solid support system, which both of you (and myself included) had pre-dx...


I too struggled similarly, as I'm sure other posters have too, the only difference is, we have posted from the point of being aware of our BP and parenting...


Its a whole different ball game when you've raised your kids completely unawares that you're fighting this beast...


The first few years of my daughter's life I was on an ignorant rollercoaster myself, not understanding why motherhood was so much harder for me than for my peers... And I was only 19 when I had her.


So were it not for my parents in those first few very crucial years, things could've gone way differently.


Maybe I would've run away and gone to live on a mountain, idk :shrug:


Point is, neither of you knew what you were contending with when you became parents...


I'm sure that had you known, had you been receiving treatment, implemented life style changes, safety plans and parenting strategies around this dx, you would've had a different experience.


And you know what?

Despite your ignorance surrounding your dx, you still managed to pull it off, even when all the odds were stacked against you.


NOW THAT IS AWESOME PARENTING!!!!!

[Blackbeltwolfmother]

I have 2 boys, one is 16months and has no fear! I swear he teeters on the edge of the couch at least 3 times a day and I have to rush over before he falls. He keeps me on my toes for sure!
Sometimes I have a little bit of a low when under a lot of stress, and then it takes more effort not to b snappy. I just focus in doing my best as a mom, spending time doing activities with them, and basically just sucking it up because I owe them the best.
My oldest is 9 and I can explain a lot to him about how sometimes I'm having a bad day and need him not to take anything personally. Also he understands that I have anxiety about certain things and he has to just do things a certain way because it helps me. So he doesn't mind that.

Overall because I'm adequately medicated I think I'm a good mom.

Today, having seen my son last week, seeing his aspergers out of control...you cannot imagine how guilty I feel

[Edgar's Mom]

Awww.... I'm sure you are doing your best. When I feel 'mother guilt' it is often out of proportion when I objectively look at the situation. You are probably doing a much better job than you give yourself credit for.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk