Relationship issue, need advice.

First of all, I've finally been stable and working again. The depression lifted. A big part of my support system is my new girlfriend. We really click and have fun.

The problem is that she has really bad mood swings, think classic BPD style. We were living together but I had her move back to her parents because my doctor warned me that the ups and downs may not stop. He also said do not become a caretaker. Don't live walking on eggshells.

I hate to condemn someone for psych issues since I have my own. I feel like ending this may trigger my depression.

Any advice?

Is she seeking treatment for her mood issues?

Lamictal and recently added a low dose benzo for panic. She wants to be followed by a pdoc but doesn't want a counselor.

Wait, is she borderline or bipolar?

Will she see one with you?

Pretty sure borderline

Well... I think what it comes down to is whether or not you can continue this relationship without jeopardizing your recovery. I don't want to sound negative about people with BPD but there is typically serious instability in maintaining healthy relationships. If I was in hour situation I would extricate myself, but you have to do what's right for you.

I've decided to walk away. I just can't take the emotional pounding.

Ouch ......

But I take into account you've weighed up the whole situation and so too has the OP by the latest post above mine..

Meds don't help for shyt if u don't bother to learn how to cope with BPD.


Meds don't cure your *****ed up thought patterns and perceptions, and even if they manage to take the edge off, they certainly don't stop your bullshyt from spilling over and affecting your loved ones..


So if she's unwilling to get an actual grip, by learning about her disorder, and seeking therapy to acquire coping skills, then I think walking away is the smart, sane healthy thing to do.


I was medicated (for BP) yet not in therapy during those times I put my bf thru hell, which was really unfair toward him. He too walked away in order to save himself, because I was drowning him.


Lucky for us we eventually figured out what (else) was wrong with me and I've worked my butt off to fight my BPD behaviours, and our relationship has gone from strength to strength since reconciling.


Choosing to salvage your mental health is a good decision. It doesn't make you a bad or judgmental person. It makes you smart, it means you value yourself.

Hey Old Friend!

Glad your depression is better. I know you were struggling at the beginning of the year for sure. Yeah, I would not let anything trigger you back down. This might hurt a little, but you have to protect yourself here. Maybe it will be a wake up call for her.

Glad to see you posting. Hit me up if you need to PM. Thanks!

moogs

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I don't want to come off like BPD is some monster, untreatable disorder but OP said she won't see a therapist and her behavior cause him to ask her to leave. Maybe if she was willing and active in a recovery program it would be different, but she's not. Sometimes you need to put yourself first, especially when you're recovering from your own ****.
Living with someone with an untreated (by choice) MI is really difficult, and I just don't want him to mess up all be achieved in order to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

And to put a personal spin on it, back in the day when I was self medicating with copious amounts of alcohol and drugs, my boyfriend at the time dumped me because he couldn't handle the chaos that came with it. It was horrible and painful but I don't blame him for drawing a line in the sand. It was one of the many reasons I decided to stop drinking and start taking care of myself. A year into my sobriety, we got back together. We now have been married for eight years. Him dumping my *** was probably one of the most loving things that he could have done for me.

You're not her therapist. You can still love her. You're doing a healthy thing for both of you. xo