I am doing quite well Have not need prn for anxiety again since I posted last. But I have been using other coping skills that are perhaps not too healthy. In saying that I have been more active than I have been in 2 years.

I have so much more energy than even 2 weeks ago. I keep wanting to drop my meds but also would like a bit of stability before I go through that.

My family of girls is going well. I picked up some chickens the other day too - one day and they have given me 9 eggs! At least I wont go hungry. Next big job is the vegetable patch.

[Takeshi]

Skin's peeled, a hollow feel, that was gonna make me kneel

On the wheel of fortune, rather, was a life of a routlette

Suicide, homicide, enough to rows of penguins to kill,

seals to howl 'n kill, no pills to chill

Up on a hill, what a lone man was gone do?

Brain that's sealed up, eating up inside, messed up

'less I pour a gasoline over it and lit, it won't shut up,

put up and fed up, shook up and stewed up,

this pot ain't gonna spew though,

Monin' cuppa, no suppa, no papa

Spit hard, **** hard, I see no pit to stop

y'all swallow the cherry unpitted,

I'd betta suit up so Niked up cheetah won't catch up.



(Me as a critic, this doesn't capture anything what really happened last night, the sick face in the mirror, the fight to catch up with my own breath, like there was no enough oxygen in the air, breathing hard, the coffee in my stomach wasn't going away, it felt like my whole body was arrested, not functioning properly.

Lots of horrible things happen in this reality, and some horrendous things can be expressed as an art sometimes, murdering with words and images, why is this an entertainment for me? I do not know. I thought last night maybe I was just bored, nobody really kills farm animals around me for food, and I always wanted to see/do/learn that.

And ,,,about the skinning cat part in previous post, it was about my former pdoc, the rumour has it that she's a cat woman, I was angry about the culture of her office, that is like a fast food culture, always pen and pads ready to feed me pills, never really listened to me, I was angry.

And I'm into Yelawolf right now, that dude is dope! HIs voice is like a switchblades and of course, slaughterhouse has been chopping up my brain with lyrical hatchet, meat cleaver among many weapons.

Seemingly successful and normal dudes come up with these dope lines, and they are so good at doing business, producing, and selling records. Raw talent, that's what they call it. Royce, most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. King Crooked, oh he's so good, Abbacadabra, he's like a magician casting a spell on me, I need to snort philosophy and smoke science like he does. Dre and Fiddy, I haven't listened much of their records, but I like their smiles, and the muscles! Why can't I have a body like that?

And of course there's M&M. I watched his new video, it is still like meh at this point, that Gyllenhaal movie trailer killed it, I felt too cynical, I used to watch any films that came out but Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams? Noooo thank you.

I was reading this thread in BP forum yesterday, 'what do you miss?', guess for me, it's watching films on my computer, I don't have a huge screen or anything but used to love doing that. I don't miss my old self at all though, that's just not the way for anyone to live IMHO, someone there said that some of the posts seemed depressing, anything could be depressing when my mind's out of whack, there was this discarded candy wrapper on my keyboard yesterday, that depressed me, man.

Yesterday, I also came across this 'Are ya happy/content?' type of thread, again, I won't be asking that to myself, longevity, the legacy to myself that last till I become fossil fuel, I'm not saying that I'm doing anything great in my real life, but I can still dream about that, get rich die tryin for my brain, pushing myself to wise up. I'm still floating and that is enough. Just SEND!
)

I have been stable for a while now, still taking things a day at a time as this is coming up to the time of year when I normally end up on a roller coaster and losing control. Outside of that I am doing okay.

[Roblovescats]

My day was crappy. Glad it's over.

Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk

Pretty good day. Took my son to school, ran errands, went shopping and met the girls for cocktails.

Home early and hope to go to sleep at a decent time.

[halus1]

I feel horrible - I feel like crying one second and then angry/irritable and exhausted the next. I hate being like this and I wish I knew what was wrong with me.

[Standup2me]

Today started off badly, but got better.
That's unusual, usually it is the other way around

I am doing okay today, I was traveling most of today. My aunt passed away so I am down south for her funeral. I hope you all are having an okay time.

Anxiety today, very annoying anxiety. And pain But trying to stay positive

[Wander]

Fibromyalgia (pain and fatigue) has flared up bad after a very busy few weeks. On the plus side my mood is stable and I have been off Lithium for a week now. Trialing no Lithium to see if I can manage without it. Apart from some irritability I am doing fine. Sleeping well and very functional.

[gina_re]

Went into the office today. It was nice to be out among other people after being locked in my room all weekend feeling bad about myself. I think things are starting to looking up, especially since I decided to make an appointment with my T....finally.

[Standup2me]

I am struggling with many decisions.
Mulling them around in my head
I am not too sure who on this forum said "sometimes I over-think and under-talk" but it
fits me to a tee

[fishin fool]

Hi all another day of bipolar

[Roblovescats]

I tend not to talk, but when I do there's no shutting me up.

Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk

Doing better. The dark has subsided and the sun is starting to come out.

[lavalamp]

Joined this site after therapist forgot my appointment (second time seeing her) and didn't know what to do. Feeling really frustrated and overwhelmed by the fact that the more honest I am with my doctors, the less they want to do with me.

[Crazy Hitch]

Doing okay at the moment.

[Moreta]

I give up.

[Moreta]

I'm ****ing useless as my husband puts it. Why should i live like this?

[vjdragonfly]

devastated

[gina_re]

College football is back! As odd as this sounds, seeing my alma mater play has me in a good mood today! Which is especially needed after a week of a roller coaster of emotions. Love this time of year!

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Moreta

I give up.

Please don't give up! I checked out your etsy page, you're very talented!

[Standup2me]

Lost in thought
Lost in the hallways in my brain
Lost in me
Confusing, but more amusing than scary

[Takeshi]

I overslept, got in late for work, it's the first time since I started working here 2yrs ago. I'm cutting the dosage in half for valerian capsules, Don't have much faith in it at this point. Living life responsibly, I got ton of work ahead for that, to figure things out, less confused most of the week, except Monday, loving this rainy air right now.

[Curiosity77]

I'm doing well, things have been really good lately. The only thing is I'm really craving a drug I haven't done in years tonight, but it caused major problems and addiction for me in the past. I have no connections anymore, which is good, but I'm feeling so drawn to go downtown and score - which would be very bad!! I guess this belongs more on the addictions board, but i know you folks better. Anyways, just staying home and out of trouble tonight