[Standup2me]

Winter is coming, and it is so long here
It is already dark at 5pm, and not light until 7:30am
Long, long winter

[Unrigged64072835]

Took the cat to the vet as she has stopped eating. She may need either an ultrasound or a barium X-Ray to find out what is going on. The vet put her on steroids in case the intestines are inflamed. She'll see her regular vet tomorrow to determine what happens next. This has put a real damper on my husband's birthday, since the money we were going to use for gifts we're now spending on the cat. This also happened to him last month when he wanted to get some things and the cat got sick. Oh well, the joys of owning a pet.

I'm back to my full dose of Abilify. It's been a love/hate relationship so far. I like not being depressed like I have been for the past two months. However, I overheat a lot and my left eyelid has started twitching again. I'm also more jittery than usual. I'm sure my pdoc will want to take me off the Thorazine but I didn't have these issues until the Abilify kicked in. The main thing is whether my prolonged QT has gone down. I'll know more tomorrow when I get my next EKG and see my pdoc.

Check-in? Not so good. Really, very not so good.

Possible trigger:

I hurt myself this weekend

I realise I am quite sick. Going to the hospital is a possibility. It definitely would be if I didn't have my current supports. Right now I have weekly therapy and a counsellor that either comes to my home or meets me for coffee. That's basically two visits a week. I feel like they've been my lifelines keeping me hanging on. So much has happened to trigger this state of depression. The anxiety is making it even harder to help myself. Even if I felt up to doing something I fear doing so. I suppose I need to think about and consider what is my limit that would lead me to going to the hospital.

[BlackSheep79]

Back on Seroquel. I'm not happy about it since I will have to take diabetes medicine for the rest of my life. I have no other options for APs and Seroquel has been the only one that works. I need stability and I need it fast, missing work lately. I totally flipped today on my husband and let it all out about my fears with bipolar and the mental and physical issues that come along with it. The fact of being reminded all day long when taking these dang meds. Knowing that this is the way life is going to be, and I'm sorry he has to deal with me. Marriage has been rough living with these illnesses. I was diagnosed a year into our marriage, married now for ten years. That's a long and stressful time to deal with my crap. So all in all, not a good day for me.

[Nammu]

Saw the DARs counselor a month ago....we talked about my options.....she pretty much agrees with me that I'm in a very bad position job wise. I have no trail work period left...usually not a big problem getting hired(very high functioning when I'm doing well. ....it's those in-between periods that cost me jobs and friends...I'm feeling rather hopeless about it all now. So if I at any point make over 1000 dollars in a month my SSDI will be dropped, they will expedient reinstatement but meanwhile I'll have nothing if I lose a job. If I earn over 150 dollars I'll lose the medicare which helps pay the co-pays, medicine and monthly fee. Earning less than 1000 dollars will not cover the expense I lose. Still I want to go back to work so were covering all the options available including finding some way of allowing me extra trail work periods. Pretty bleak unless I'm willing to risk losing everything. My stability depends on low stress and some kind of peace that I won't lose it all....again.

[Travelinglady]

Yes, I made it through October without being hospitalized. Now to get through the rest of November. Fall seems a bad time for me.

[Nevvy]

Lamictal was upped to 200 and oddly enough I don't feel all that different (my Pdoc was afraid of me going manic for some reason). I was randomly somewhere between hypo and manic the other evening after visiting a friend... Not sure what that was about. My mind never ceases to amaze me sometimes.

I have a bit more energy and my violent nightmares seem to have been suppressed, and I am actually experiencing hunger again.

Baby steps, but I'm getting there.

Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk

[LadyShadow]

Sleeping patterns still off. My doctor worried about a lump in my throat. I don't want to deal with it. Have to get a biopsy on it. Just think if it wants to kill me then it will, why worry about it? I'd rather not deal with it.

Meanwhile my body is on a different rhythm. Totally a night person now.

Going super well still. Anxiety is so much easier to deal with when you can breathe!!

Need a bit of help around the house so hopefully my friends *(whats left of them) will chip in while I get off meds.

[Cocosurviving]

I've been stressing abt money. It just seems bills and things keep coming up that require money. I had extra money so I was trying to be responsible and I paid two bills ahead. Then I forgot abt a bill that was over due by three days. Luckily it was $28 and I was abt to come up with that. Then I had my car payment money to take out. I put $100 aside each week then pay it. My daughter came home with a flyer abt taking school pics. I almost fell out. I just don't have it. To top things off I get in my car two days later and my oil light comes on. I got approved for disability just last week but no check so far.

Sent from iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk

Started my Christmas shopping today.

[aupele]

Hello, I'm new to this thread/group. I am 40 years old I have been recently diagnosed with Bipolar II, trying new meds. I have always had problems dealing with people socially, and it is all catching up to me now. Latuda is making me feel crazy (er), and I don't know if I will have a job when I return to work next week. This is my 4th job in less than 4 years. So much going on....so angry, so sad, so hopeless. My anger is out of control. (Latuda 40mg, Lamictal 25mg, Paxil 20 mg)

Anger:
Blank mind, cloudy vision
the satisfying crack of collision
from an elbow swung, or punch thrown
and in my ears, a buzzing drone

I breathe deeply, and start to think
of how I was pushed, to the brink
I really do regret it now
I'd fix it but, I don't know how

But it feels so good, at the time
but the mind is doing it, it isn't mine
It's not the nice, sweet child
with polite voice, and manners mild

But which am I and which is me?
Which one of those am I going to be?
The child, who's weak, yet nice?
Or the monster, nobody crosses twice?

[LadyShadow]

In a complete mania, completely manic and will crash soon. Flying high. Had a great breakfast/lunch. So damn tired. Have Adele's "Hello" on repeat blasting in my ears.

Just hitting the other side of the "pole" hard today. I have been crossing back and forth mixed for so long. Been low, been high, been low, been high. I feel myself rocking.

[dislexia1214]

Feeling pretty sick today. Not as bad as yesterday afternoon though. I have some kind of respiratory infection or something going on and my chest hurts. My mood is actually okay. Now if I could just get it to come together at the same time hopefully I will have a good day soon!

[Nammu]

Bought my first item from amazon this morning. Always scare of ordering and paying for stuff over the computer but it was the cheapest way to get a flashing light alarm clock....now I'll worry that it will be delivered while I'm gone and get stolen. I opted for free delivery that's a 4 day window.

[Standup2me]

It is dark and snowing. Bah
I am a sunshine person. I do better in the sun
Time to get my lightbox out

[fishin fool]

Still here and hanging in there

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

It is dark and snowing. Bah
I am a sunshine person. I do better in the sun
Time to get my lightbox out

I'm trying find a light box

Sent from iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk

[Cocosurviving]

My day was busy. I spent it running errands for other people. I guess it did kinda keep my mind off my troubles a little.

I just can't help thinking abt my money troubles. I have bills coming in but very little income. I'm telling myself to just be patient it's on the way !!

Sent from iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk

[Moreta]

The medication changes my dr made have made me more alert during the day. It's quite nice. Still mostly stable. I could get used to this.

[scatterbrained04]

I think I got so anxious and stressed out this morning that I made myself physically ill. Had to come home from work.

[earthangel1]

I had a crazy mania a few days ago that made my ocd worse. The Zyprexa stopped it but I feel so drained and off today.

[Standup2me]

So many tears today
So much pressure at work
My Mum may have to go into assisted living and is not doing well
She is talking about sui if she can't stay in her home
Winter is here
So much darkness
I want to hibernate

[LadyShadow]

I just want to lay in bed and forget the world. But I push on. My room is a mess, much like my life. I just want to clean up everything, and be whole.

[gayleggg]

I'm feeling down today. Trying to stay busy but it doesn't seem to be helping. Anxiety is bad too.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk