I am going really well, but pain is screwing me up again. This time its my legs, that have given me trouble for years, but it was overshadowed by the mirena. I think once they get sorted I can be painfree, but Im having trouble getting it sorted alone.

I've been conned into expanding my animal family, so today is preparation for the new arrival. I am excited for it, but do have some prep work!

[Takeshi]

Well, this weekly manic moment is here, that started right after I had my hair done, it went smoothly, I lost my fake piercing I was wearing though. Got more hours left today, I'm gonna get **** done, I have no more bloodshot eyes today, I look okay, how I act is another matter all together. I won't let myself confused by my eye/ear/nose catching surroundings, I'll be fine. I'll just get weirdly nice to everyone, two parties already got free cookies from me, this guy on the elevator, I didn't even say a word with my headphone on, and handed him a cookie. Let's have more fun!

The thoughts that I suspect are hormonal are back. I am housebound as the landlord is working on the property and I am terrified to go outside. Which is half my problem. I feel better after work.

Im going for a ct scan for my pain today. I am really nervous.

[Standup2me]

I have too many thoughts racing through my head

[gina_re]

What a difference a day makes. My friend from out of town came in and we did the tourist thing around the city and wore me out. Today I feel extremely lonely and sad. Why must my life be like this?

[Takeshi]

Tourist thing sounds fun.

On the other hand, living every day like an Colorado medical marijuana dispensery owner without being given a choice is no fun. Got businesses to take care of.

Well, I admit it's mostly fun but it's darn difficult to stay sharp, I drop things, this is like perpetual hangover that I can't get out of, it's tiring.

mood good, motivation... not so much

started off good- ate my strawberries and drank my 2 smoothies and made plans to watch shirley valentine, do my trivia and write in my journal.

ended up doing none of that... spent the day overeating and listening to my 5 finger death punch album

[gayleggg]

My mood has finally improved. I'm still having trouble with anxiety but at least the depression has lifted a bit. Looks like the raise in the Saphris really helped and the propranolol really helped with the hand tremors.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Standup2me]

Fall is here. The leaves are turning brown, days are getting shorter, and the trees are getting ready for a good long sleep

[Takeshi]

'STRESSED is desserts spelt backwards' !!

Man, I should spend more time on pinterest!

[gina_re]

Hopeless. Tired. Concentration is pretty much gone. And I think the Wellbutrin is causing my anxiety over the past couple of days.

Woke up with very severe anxiety. I've been trooping through, managed to not throw up since having meds. Im still shaking, tense tight muscles that I cant relax, clenched jaw (could also be pain related), nausea, dizziness. I took some ativan but the effects are long gone.

I BEGGED for help 2 days ago as I knew I needed a rest 2 days ago. But no one would help. Just hoping this is PMDD but anther few days of this, seems unbearable.

[Takeshi]

Weather's getting better, no more grey sky, and the act of eating changed my mood slightly for the better, I didn't know it could do that. I skipped proper dinner and went for a bowl of serial though.

My room got clean, the living area looks good now, with few exception of course. I took aspirine twice today to ward off annoying headaches, it was quick and worked perfect. A cigarette, a pen and my Kindle slipped off my hand, and it took me 4,5 tries to plug a phone charger.

Tomorrow, my boss's gonna drop by at my work place and will give me a pay slip, as usual, I won't be opening it, I just remembered I ripped the last one as soon as I got it, alone of course. Yes, there's a high chance that I won't be seeing him, so, I have nothing to worry about I guess.

I want my memory back though, I'm like being denied access to my short term memory, unless I see the evidence of the things I did, I don't remember them. 10mins ago, an hour, a day, or a week ago, it doesn't matter, and I need to remember my future appointment too, I gotta work on good system, a big reminder on the fridge or something.

Mood wise, there's no spike tonight so far, I'll work for another an hour or so, and I can't tell how many hours of sleep I'll be getting, I can't even guess 'cos I don't remember if I had enough sleep last night, I didn't have many thoughts zipping through today, I just can't trust what my body's telling me past few days.

This brings me to another thing, that is I realized that I really don't like change, a slight change in my life like ,putting on an undershirt 'cos the temperature's going down. Maybe I'm worrying too much, I been always like this, a little late to start putting on seasonal clothing. I don't know, I just don't wanna catch cold, I can't miss work, never. I've been taking things easy at work, now my boss knows some about me, now it's more important than ever to show him that I could perform like I'd been doing the past 2 yrs.

On the job front, I'mma have to go in early on next Tuesday, it is after my Monday off, yea,,not on a regular schedule but I'm gonna make it, fake it, whatever. Once I get there, it'll be alright though, it's going to be busy, they do this weekly sale on Tuesday, it'll take my mind off things. This job is not a concession I chose to make, I just got really lucky, I did and will think about my job more towards the end of the year I suppose, it's inevitable. Is this the reason why I usually feel sucky around December or around my birth month?

An year long experiment, withtout so much of a goal, it started. Now I feel that I'm supplied with tools to dig deep into the past, the present and the future, I forgot to mention that I was feeling pretty much emotionless all day, then again this is still living for me. I am NOT, afraid. Might be too early to call it a progress. I am just good with myself, I can be better than myself a year ago, two, all of it. Thanks to whomever took the time to read this, you guys teach me things, thank you and have a nice rest of the year.

Im experimenting with my morning anxiety. It seems to get better as the day goes on, but back at night when the pain hits.

I hate a ct scan the other day. The Gp was on about how uncomfortable and anxiety provoking it would be... I dont know why she said that, I meditated, it was no problem at all?

How come waking up in the morning causes so much anxiety and something apparently anxiety provoking was simple?

[BuffaloGal1969]

Anxious, frustrated, depressed, empty.

[vjdragonfly]

Just not feeling it today. Kinda on the down side.

[Standup2me]

I am strong
I am brave
I am smart
I am calm
I can do anything

[fishin fool]

I'm still here

[Moreta]

My husband's graduation is tonight, and I'm quite terrified about going.

[Takeshi]

Possible trigger:

They asked me to shave my beard, then I complied.

I couldn't stop ruining how I look, so proceeded to shave the side of my head completely, no amount of extra work won't change how hideous I look now, I'm thinking about the ways to do more damage to my face... I won't probably do anything stupid but I know I have to fight against myself a lot, I just know that this is a huge misstep, now I'll go play with my razor.

[fishin fool]

Another day with bipolar but still swinging.

[Standup2me]

Another busy day, but it was good.
I ate popcorn even when I know better, it makes me nauseous

[BadWolfC]

After months of uncertainty, I'm finally feeling good about my life. Finally found a job that I enjoy (which I've never experienced before), and even got promoted a couple days ago. I'm finally gaining my confidence back, and I'm not worried about failing anymore. Also excited because my fiance's mom and sister are coming for a surprise visit for his birthday next weekend. Can't wait to see his reaction. Really hope things stay good like this for a while.

[Standup2me]

Lazy day. Slept until 10am, and had a nap from 3pm to 4:30pm
A nice quiet day

[Moreta]

I sold 2 necklaces. I am happy.