A little manic, very pregnant, and hallucinating... uhh?

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On a completely different note, I drew this on my forearm earlier. I think that I might get a tatoo of it, because it did a very good job of hiding my scars.

...and also because cats make me smile.



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Melanie, I am very worried about you. Do you have any support there other than your boyfriend? Family or friends?

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I always have my family.

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I don't like the instability in your relationship right now with your being pregnant (vulnerable) and manic.

I think it's a good idea to build up some supports right now and get in to see your pdoc or therapist.

Even without mental illness, women can get pretty insecure and crazy due to hormones and vulnerability in late pregnancy.

You have that going on in addition to your bipolar. On top of that, your boyfriend (who should be your rock right now and your major source of support), is a source of conflict and instability.

You have a lot of grief and raw emotion to process from the not-too-distant past. I'm worried that you have an awful lot on your plate right now.

I think you have many things to deal with your relationship, but I'm not sure if now is a good time.

Right now you need to calm and stability. You need love and support.

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Would you consider going to the hospital if things get bad?

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Only if things were much worse (if I felt as though I would hurt myself).

...but I'm pregnant, so I couldn't imagine actually doing so. That would be too awful.
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((((((((Hug))))))))

I keep thinking about you. Keep us posted.

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That sounds terrible, all of it sounds terribly terrible.


Except the part where you're preggerz.


That's beautiful of course



Back to the terrible awful... Why did you two decide to get back together?


The cheating, the lying, the standing you up, the being caught red handed and being nicer to the side dish than your main course, the never apologizing... All of it sounds terrible and I can't for the life of me imagine why you would CHOOSE to try again, especially whilst pregnant.


I agree with EM, you need some down time, but sounds like your life is filled with wayyyy too much turmoil for that to be a feasible option.


Thinking of you

We got back together because I still love him and because he's the father of my child. I persued him pretty relentlessly (I was also manic at the time, so you can just imagine how very 'on a mission' I was). I didn't know that there was any significant other until several weeks later, and even then I was just guessing and really had no idea how "serious" it was.

I'm glad that I did persue him despite how awful that month (our broken up month) was. We love each other and our relationship gradually rekindled itself to a happy place again. We're excited for baby Jude to come about and to be parents.

Everything really is good now. The turmoil is just my brain hashing up the past, and especially a few things that I feel like I need closure for. It's indescribably annoying, like this sort of white noise banter bouncing about pointlessly in my head.

I do feel better since he's come home, though. I definitely dwell on it more when he's away.

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I'm sorry if I was prying :0


I'm glad things are working out for you too.


Maybe you should try some relaxation / meditation exercises when your mind goes into over drive, it may help you feel more centered.


At least that's what I do when I have bf insecurity thought loops.

I'm not the only one who has those? XD

No, you weren't prying. I'm sharing pretty much everything here.

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I took a Loxapine last night because I was so desperate to get to sleep. It's a "safe" sleeping medicine, but I hate to take it just because it makes me feel so deaden after I wake up. Also because it knocks me out for an *obscene* amount of time. I was dead to the world for fourteen hours during this go.

Nothing has happened today, since I've been asleep for most of it, but I wanted to post something anyway.

...but really, ugh. Loxapine is so strong. I would hate to be on it regularly.

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I'm glad you managed to get some sleep, even if it was excessive. Sleep is important.


And yes,,I get bs thought loops too, but I have a box of physical evidence I use to counter them. Lol

I'm glad you got some sleep Melanie… I hope you feel better today :-)

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Well, I'm here still... but my back pain is so incredibly excruciating that I haven't felt up to writing or anything.

I (finally!) got a prescription for ambien/zolpidem by a psychiatrist in my OB's clinic (I'm in the critical care ward due to my bipolar disorder diagnosis). I find myself taking it earlier than I need to just to sleep through the pain... I really hope that I can have this baby soon.

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How are you doing now? xoxo

What you're experiencing it what I fear might happen to me someday if I ever do get pregnant. It sounds like a frustrating journey. I've read this post a month ago but I was far to manic to even reply and it often irritated me. But now that I'm depressed and kinda house bound I feel relief that I can post again. But not like being depressed is a good thing either lol