[wiretwister]

Good people, bad people, straight people, gay people, mean people, helpful people, beautiful people, ugly people, happy people, sad people, manic people, depressed people, Mentally Ill people,...

we are all different, no one is better or worst than another, just different,

Different is good, if we were all the same what a boring world this would be ...

We all have something to offer, be it sharing, comforting, or just listening ....

All we have to do ... is be ourself ...

[wiretwister]

I wish I was myself ... but maybe just maybe this is the real me .... but I hope not .... How can one be genuinely happy and so quickly lose it ,

maybe the happiness was just a reaction from the catharsis of accepting my dx completely, and being so drained emotionally, a sort of restful stress free relaxed state I thought was happiness, and devil depression is still my not so welcome friend walking hand in hand with me as he has most of my resent life, ... when i was younger the loud out going man I was is now the old grumpy tired fart you see here ....

[Nammu]

Change is inevitable, change is constant. Nobody is ever the same person they once were.

[wiretwister]

why should anyone expect anything different, I have been selfish and basically a real asshole ... not that I am real bad person just never been a good one ... never stole or cheated ,but never reached my potential , I could have invented something to help mankind I could have traveled to bring relief to a suffering world .... so much could have been done ... but this selfish bastard did none of this ....

[wiretwister]

is it enough to just get by ...

[Nammu]

Sometimes I feel that way too. Especially if I start thinking of all the teachers and friends that told me I had so much potential...and here I am. I try to avoid thinking those things because it can lead me into a dangerous mindset. Sometimes I think the media has blown up a few people's achievements that we forgot most of us just plug away at life.

I like you just the way you are.

[wiretwister]

maybe it's just a mid life crisis, maybe the depression, hell maybe a bp side effect, who knows who really cares, too late for me to care,, to be young again,, being on the down hill side of life is such a downer... forget the bp this is just life , the failure of being old and looking back on a wasted life .... to have no desire to change, that's the worst part... why am I sharing this... but you don't know who I am and really just don't care anymore... it's like confessing to a priest , it does no good for anyone but it feels good ....hahahahah..religion what a waste ...

[wiretwister]

did you know i used to preach, hell I was a 50,000 watt radio station speaking from a church of 250 members ... what a crock... they sent me to bible college, and destroyed by belief completely,,, when you study with an open mind not trapped in dogma you see the greatest lie ever played on mankind....

[wiretwister]

not to be too negative the idea of the "christ" is wonderful,, as a servant ..but always remember if God is everything which every religion embraces, then to seperate any part of God is to deny God... so any group or religion that says we are different or better or seperate from anyone else is to spit in God's face... to say gays are wrong and use the "bible" to defend that and then say it is Gods word is the most horrible insult to a devinity,,, it so ungod like to be a joke and that is what organized religion is a joke.... spirituality is a gift, the way to enlightment, but religion and dogma is evil and insulting to the idea of a loving God who respects all people....... remember people's is people's

[wiretwister]

it's four hours past my bed time I have driven myself completely mad,, I can not sleep I don't want too ,, I want to stay awake because I am afraid to sleep ,, I would pray I pass in my sleep but I now longer care enough to think or be concerned about it..... to uncaring to care if you see the morning. wow,, i'm scared because i'm too weak and stupid to have the guts to do anything,,, positive or negative ... if you reading this shame on you .. your witnessin g a desent into madness i believe.....

[wiretwister]

will sleep the xanex tastes so good,,,, benadryl next, yum yum ..... this ois going to be a long weekend.... it you have got this far...stop... nothing interesting will follow just the raving of a mad man ... not even sure I qualify for that maybe better to say raving of a mad boy .............

[Toodles333]

How are you feeling now?

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Toodles333

How are you feeling now?

Toodles I love you so much, you have always been so caring and kind to me, .... your a good friend ... and I don't know how I feel, I am through playing games, ... I am going to be honest how I feel or don't feel from here on out, so your answer is I am awake, I have eaten and I am breathing, typing here, .... so I guess ok for now, Ty for asking ...

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

Sometimes I feel that way too. Especially if I start thinking of all the teachers and friends that told me I had so much potential...and here I am. I try to avoid thinking those things because it can lead me into a dangerous mindset. Sometimes I think the media has blown up a few people's achievements that we forgot most of us just plug away at life.

I like you just the way you are.

I too was told I had great potential ... ha, that's funny, the way I am is pretty sad, Oh I have suceeded at work, but the rest of my live was given a back seat, now I feel that defines me completely, what's really funny is that my job stress started this whole path I am on now, the dx the meds the feeling of failure .... I can not say enough how pleased I am you took the time to respond to me .... Ty...

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

I too was told I had great potential ... ha, that's funny, the way I am is pretty sad, Oh I have suceeded at work, but the rest of my live was given a back seat, now I feel that defines me completely, what's really funny is that my job stress started this whole path I am on now, the dx the meds the feeling of failure .... I can not say enough how pleased I am you took the time to respond to me .... Ty...

All given to the job, not a life's work such as making this a better world just a grungy money grubing life .... even funnies was my complete devotion to religion in my youth, trying to change the world, but changed myself instead.... but really that is all anyone can do, is change yourself .... but when that change destroys your self image , your desires, your peace of mind what do you have left.... survival ... wow what a life....

[wiretwister]

Survival or living .... which are you .... I am surviving .... have not lived for quite a while .... why survive ... IDK ... ?

[Ripose]

Hi wiretwister, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. I am too sick to write any advice though.

Take it easy and post lots!

[Nammu]

This kind of stream of consciousness stuff can be very cathartic.....keep it coming.

. . . and a little manic perhaps? I hope you are okay.

[loophole]

Trying to stick with your topic but I agree with your ideas here... Everyone used to freak out about "big brother" and now it's here and it's like no one cares... Wild how times have changed and people just blindly accept it with little to no push back... It is why it is what it is

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by loophole

Trying to stick with your topic but I agree with your ideas here... Everyone used to freak out about "big brother" and now it's here and it's like no one cares... Wild how times have changed and people just blindly accept it with little to no push back... It is why it is what it is

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

you missed a real treat I just deleted 22 posts ,would have deleted all if I could have... quite a rant .... thank you for reading..... your a friend indeed ...

big brother is just a new name for an old disease , in the 30's it was called nazis, and it's age of terror was carefully prepared for by the media as they villafied the jews... in print and in movies so the public was not shocked when the gov said they had to be controled.... fast foward to today ... the media is now working on demonizing the mentally ill, ... and there will be a day when they come for us .... that is not paranoia that is history repeating itself ....

[Wildflower4]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

Survival or living .... which are you .... I am surviving .... have not lived for quite a while .... why survive ... IDK ... ?

Sometimes I'm not sure. I think surviving at this point. Would like to get back to living a "normal" life -whatever that is for me now. I think the answer to why survive is because it won't be like this forever and we have to survive to get to the enjoying living part. Hang in there. I'm trying to do the same.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Ripose

Hi wiretwister, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. I am too sick to write any advice though.

Take it easy and post lots!

I know you are hurting so reaching out to me is even more special, .... you will always be my friend, ... I just pray you get to feeling better because I really hate to see you in pain ....

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

This kind of stream of consciousness stuff can be very cathartic.....keep it coming.

cathartic maybe , a little over the top , definitely ,,,,.... thank you my friend ..

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Wildflower4

Sometimes I'm not sure. I think surviving at this point. Would like to get back to living a "normal" life -whatever that is for me now. I think the answer to why survive is because it won't be like this forever and we have to survive to get to the enjoying living part. Hang in there. I'm trying to do the same.

normal, what does that mean ... what if it is always this way ....