Drinking

Ihave been drinking about 2-3 glasses of wine a night for the past couple weeks. I decided to quit tonight, but I am struggling. I want that escape.
I also handed over my benzos to my husband for safe keeping cuz I've been taking too many of those during the day. I just don't understand why I feel the need to alter my state so much of the time.

I'm with ya sis...I've been trying to quit drinking, but we NEEDED a 6 pk tonight. It doesn't help having hundreds of other alcoholic alters.

Maybe if I start dosing on my Respiradal I might make it a night?

I have those desires too. Benzos and booze are just really good at what they do. I don't see it as altering our state. Our states are pretty effed up anyway I see it as quieting that constant whatever it is that lives with us. At least that is how I feel. I try to keep it at one glass a night. Sometimes I don't want any. When i feel ****** or stressed out I generally want to drink more but when I feel it hit my head in a certain way I know that is trouble and I stop.

for me it is not just the wine but the ritual...the treat...

sometimes there are other things that can stand in in those ways.

Maybe going to nothing is too much for you right now. Can you just nurse one glass??? Put a bunch of ice cubes in there?

sorry i assumed you were drinking white like me.

by the way kudos to you for being responsible about it.

I am this way about a bit of pot before bed. It is my ritual.

Just a few tokes.

no drinking here but xanex yes ... lots of times to turn off for bed ... and sometimes on friday at work as a treat to have a "good" friday ... like today ...

Congrats for handing your benzos over to your husband - that's a huge step forward!

Stay strong. You're making progress already with the steps that you are taking.

I agree, congrats.

They can be a big problem.

And back to why it is a problem for us bipolars? I don't know but it sux.

Although I only drink about once a year now I used to be a very heavy drinker, it always eased my pain both physical and mental. I started drinking when I just started walking as my parents, their friends and my oldest brother always had open beers everywhere and I loved the taste (my mom told me about this). I felt abandoned and alone always and I quickly noticed that drinking made me feel less alone.
The final clincher it seemed was the same day I was set on fire in a gas explosion, I had just turned 6. I caused the explosion myself. Anyway I was screaming in pain non-stop so my dad gave me a double shot of whiskey. That is a lot of alcohol for someone so young and I quickly passed out. I remember every second of that accident and I really remembered that whiskey was an instant pain killer.

Before you ask I don't know why my parents did not take me to the hospital and the only scars I have from being burned are scars on my fingers where I was holding the jar of gasoline, and of course the mental scars.

Sometimes I weep for that little boy and for the alcoholic he turned into.