[wiretwister]

I work all week and I do fine ... busy all day , tired at night , a little tv and sleep .... of course the sleep sucks

I go to hell on the weekends .... because I am not busy ...

*** I THINK **************** TO MUCH ***********

so fu**ing simple ... sleep as much as possible and flood my mind with "stuff" all the rest of the time ... ...

movies, tv, eating, masturbating. cursing, dancing , plotting, singing, reading ..coloring, fu**ing around the house

but NEVER give my mind a chance to wander, to roam , to attack me ..... stupify myself to the point of collapse ...simplfy my mind to goo with constant dribble ... of course I could bust myself helping others , nah to much like work ...

that is why xanex works so well for me ... it's not stress it's my mind that hates me ... and xanex turns it off .....

I can see why so many drink ... does not help with psych issues does not help with stress ... it turns your fu**ing mind off ...

I am not mad ... maybe not even bp ... just my mind is too BUSY .... unlike "normal" people it never leaves high gear ... our minds never slow down ... we numb our whole bodies with these damn drugs .... we don't need to stop our MOODS we just need to kick our minds out of high gear ......

It's why I love bondage so much ... it's not the being bound ... it's not sex ... being unable to move .. unable to see or talk ... maybe unable to hear .... focuses your attention like a laser beam ... my mind becomes single minded ....

and that brings me peace .... if only for a little while ....

[BastetsMuse]

I have been disabled now for five years... and even though I couldn't handle working, some part of me feels I was more together when I had a schedule than now when I don't have one. My daughter has been gone from home and I don't have a schedule now and my life is a wreck because of it -- so I completely understand why you go to hell on the weekends, without your schedule.

This is why I don't like weekends. Less structure, more chaos, not good.
I see what you mean about the bondage thing but I'm like that about sex in general. I don't need to be bound for sex to take me out of this world and give me freedom from my "other thoughts".... well at least most of the time. That's why I like to do it so often.

[~Christina]

So structure your weekends. Plan things with your family or whatever that keeps you on a short leash. There are always chores that can be done inside or outside, hobbies, walking running etc

Idle minds yanno

I'm glad you connected the dots, great awareness !

[BlackSheep79]

I know exactly what you mean. There is never any quiet time going on upstairs. I think that is why we are so highly intelligent compared to the norms. They can shut it off, where we are bouncing from one idea to the next.

I work full time, but have four days off during the week. Due to the fact that I can't just sit on my ***** all day because I just can't mentally sit there so I have a list that I make every week. I have everything planned. I try not to do this, but I just have to. The bad part is me stressing to get everything done, but on the flip side I'm constantly busy. Unfortunately I can't sit idle. Just wanted to let you know it's the BP mind, your not alone.

sounds like a lot of what u do is stuff thats usually done inside the house...

like others have said, u should find something outside to occupy urself...

i despise being at home beause usually im not doing anything, which gives my mind the freedom to think... A LOT... lately, ive been taking advantage of my recent realizations to help me make bolder changes.... crossing my fingers to reducing my computer time now...

turn that ability to focus more than others into a perk for some kind of hobby, then commit to the necessary requirements, and boom... alls golden...

i hope ur doing well...

I never thought of bondage that way, but i have thought of sex as freeing. The ability to just feel. That is why I close my eyes during sex. I want to just feel.

I used to be so busy, so scheduled. But I fall in a hole with regularity now. I have basic daily routine but even that is overwhelming on a bad day.

I don't understand why when I am so Ill everybody tells me to rest. Doctors tell me to stop working, socialising outside of the home etc just rest.

I float in illness til it passes. Otherwise I just scream at the thought of something as simple as getting a drink or colouring in.

I don't know why I am told to rest while others are told to keep busy. I know I am much weaker.

[ozzy1313]

I work nights and now that the kids are back in school my days are too long. I will force myself to work out and sometimes I have errands to run, but I am becoming more and more depressed as the days go on. Right now I just sit here frozen, no motivation to do anything, no desire to do anything, and just wanting to go back to bed. I recently applied for a day job but then I get stressed about working all day and having less time for working out, grocery, etc. plus when I have dr appointments and so forth

[raspberrytorte]

My days off are hard for me too. Always have been. My anxiety just skyrockets. I get twitchy and restless. I think too much. And it's not like I don't have things to do. I have a three year old.

My job is just comforting for some reason. I think it's the routine.