[sad-panda]

My entire teenage and adult life now has been a roller-coaster of trying to find the right medicines. I feel like sometimes it is causing me even more despair than actually doing any good. There's no stability at all. There have only been a couple of times I have not been on some kind of antidepressant, and I felt pretty bad. But looking back I wonder if that was just a temporary feeling.

I wonder though if somehow this constant change in medicines are just making everything worse. What if that's the cause of all my horrible mood swings? Switching so often can't be good.

Have you ever had a time where not being on medicine was actually better for you? Or did you try to quit on your own and things ended up worse? How did you go about getting to that point?

[Nevvy]

It's almost a daily thing for me to think "well, what if I just stopped my meds? Would things be different now?"

Haven't dared to try it though because I am afraid of what happens if I go back to how I was or to a worse state.

I know I didn't help you at all, but I have at least gone through the contemplating stage of going med free.

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[GemmaTeller]

I remember years ago before I had Dx with Bipolar II, I was still being treated with major depressive disorder. I had a therapist convince me that I didn't need to be on medication. She kept saying the medication needed to be temporary and I needed to find other ways to deal with things. By that time I had been on medication for a number of years. My pdoc said it was my choice, but did express concern that I not go off the meds. So I went off the meds. Initially, it seemed okay. However, within a couple months I was in a bad way. The pdoc put me back on meds and I vastly improved. The therapist shrugged and was like, "oh, I guess you do have chemical imbalance issue" or something to that affect, acknowledging that I had a chronic issue and medication was necessary. Needless to say, I stopped seeing that therapist.

Even now I think about wanting to go off meds either because I am feeling okay or I don't think they are working anyway. I just generally think they are probably a necessary part of life.

[Coco72]

I have been going through this very same thing. I have been assessed and have decided to do ECT. Many people have a very negative view of this treatment but once I tell them what I've gone through for the last 8 years usually quiets them. They have not been through what I have so they have no idea what it's like to make this choice. I'm now trying to reconcile what to do if ECT also doesn't work because there is a chance of that and I'm definitely not going into this blindly.

I've been traveling through mania and mixed states back and forth all the while trying med after med, dealing more with side effects than stability. The side effects I've experienced have to with parkinsonian symptoms (unable to walk, unable to talk, eyes upturned and getting stuck, etc.) along with a 150 lb weight gain, memory and concentration issues (I make lists literally for everything and sometimes still forget, unable to read a book or magazine for he last 5 years) and an inability to maintain relationships of any kind.

Since I've been diagnosed I've been waiting for the day, one day of stability and haven't seen it. My docs, my husband also haven't seen it. So even if ECT doesn't work I most likely will not be on medications as a substitute considering there isn't many left that they want to prescribe. It has been mentioned that there are unconventional treatments I could try (this would be experimental narcotics) but I'll cross that road when and if I get there. I know I'm almost there if they are mentioning it to me.

Like you, I really feel like my roller coaster started once I got on the med bandwagon. I would also like to mention that I had a drug addiction for more than 20 years that helped me and hindered me at the same time. I've been clean for 4 years this month but as a result, I believe this is why I now have psychosis and extreme anxiety among other things. I don't regret quitting but sometimes I don't understand when you do good for yourself why it continues to be bad?! For most people, the effects of doing drugs never goes away.

Now, I'm applying for disability which is really hard to get here and make plans for my ECT treatments which with my luck won't be done in the minimum. And this is only for the Bipolar piece of me. The other stuff (BPD, OCD, PTSD) I'm not sure what I'm going to do but if ECT helps with 1 maybe I can get relief so I can work on the others. Also, before I get the recommendation to 'change my pdoc' right now I'm dealing with 2 on a regular basis, a psych nurse as well as group therapy. Trust me I'm covered. One of the benefits of living in Canada I guess.

Hope this helps!
Cheers, Coco

[darkNeon]

I'm not diagnosed w/ bipolar, and to be honest I am not very educated when it comes to bipolar disorder. However, your ambiguity on going through so many different inorganic chemicals - I personally do not even call what physicians today are Rx patients "medication" or "medicine" whatsoever, but again that is a personal viewpoint - is something I can give you some feedback on.

I can do this because regardless of my perspective on the psychiatric field I have had my share of it, and what I will say is through all the inorganic chemicals I have been on - it never achieved a single thing but confuse me further as a human being. I have been on antidepressants, antipsychotics or sedatives, even a stimulant at 1 point.

All in the effort to "feel" good. Well, today I choose not to take any of these drugs & instead focus on nutrition from an organic standpoint.

I think Hippocrates said it very simply & well when he said, "Let food be thy medicine, and medicine be thy food."

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Coco-For what it is worth as I've been reading about ECT lately it seems that it has some efficacy for PTSD. So maybe you can get a double benefit?

[Christopher1990]

Psych Meds can make matters worse, and can indeed lead to relapses. It's not making matters any better.. Maybe you should try less meds, or going med-free. I know people who are med-free or taking only one pill and don't have nearly as many issues as they used to have when going through all different medication trials.

[Coco72]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Coco-For what it is worth as I've been reading about ECT lately it seems that it has some efficacy for PTSD. So maybe you can get a double benefit?

Thank you so much for that. I'll start looking for more information in that direction too.

[darkNeon]

Originally Posted by Coco72

Thank you so much for that. I'll start looking for more information in that direction too.

Also, for what it's worth - I have had Ect. In spite of depression. It was a unilateral procedure. And I regret it greatly..

[Coco72]

Originally Posted by darkNeon

Also, for what it's worth - I have had Ect. In spite of depression. It was a unilateral procedure. And I regret it greatly..

i feel what you're saying and thank you for your insight but I've had a lot of regret trying medications over and over eventually just doing it because everyone else wanted me to. Nothing is perfect and I'm really trying to work on accepting that. So, if I do it and it doesn't work I will not going back to meds regardless.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

For me the reality is that ECT cannot be worse than medications. I will remain medicated regardless but I have been on enough meds and so many doses of most of them and have had severe, dangerous reactions to a lot of them. I am grateful that I have made gains from meds and that meds have done what they have for me (not that much but better than nothing). But meds are not easy for me and I'm simply running out of options. So while I know that ECT has problems they just aren't worse than any I've faced otherwise. It's another in a long list of things to try and if it causes problems it is no different than all these meds. At this point I feel I can keep trying the meds that are left over and over but I will continue to have severe side effects. So I'm ready to try it and consider it no different than trying another of the remaining highly likely to cause major problems medications left on my list.

[wildflowerchild25]

Well I've had ect and it changed my life tremendously. I wouldn't be alive without it and I don't regret it one bit. There's always people who hated it but there's also people like me.

As for meds, I was able to go med free for about six years (after ect btw). I still had episodes but they were mild. And this last round of ect has changed me too. I haven't had s major episode in almost a year. Of course I'm still on meds this time. But I don't get any side effects so I don't care.

If you rely feel like meds are causing you trouble, only thing to do is wean off and start fresh. See what happens. You may get much worse but it may be better for you. But whatever you do, do it under pdoc supervision.

[gina_re]

Life before meds? Who knows...but what I have been able to achieve since being on them is worth the risk to me.

[sad-panda]

Thank you everyone, I weaned off Lexapro recently, and now I will be weaning off Wellbutrin. I went down from 300 mg to 150 mg. I just recently started Lithium and Lamictal, but I'm not entirely sure if these meds have as damaging effects as antidepressants like SSRIs, etc; So I might still stay on those or get off of them while I can.

I hope I don't end up like the others that are still going through withdrawal years later.

I was looking into ECT a while back. I really only heard a lot a good things, so why is it regarded as bad now? I know it was dangerous in the past but things have come a long way. Does it make things worse for some people?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Lithium and lamictal are not like ADs in that they won't send you higher. They are supposed to be a good combination; lithium helps highs and lamictal helps balance out lows. I've stopped both cold turkey (which I don't recommend; I had to do it medically as I was blessed with the lamictal rash (don't panic, it's really, really rare) and multiple lithium toxicities (also not that common if you are getting your levels checked routinely; I just seem to process it weirdly) and I had no problems with either.

Some people have memory loss with ECT. It is usually temporary and usually only the time before and during treatments but sometimes it is more than that and that's hard to live with. I think it's probably also really hard to handle having gone through it and not getting the results you want since it is a pretty intense experience. There are probably other reasons; those are the ones I've read about.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by sad-panda

Thank you everyone, I weaned off Lexapro recently, and now I will be weaning off Wellbutrin. I went down from 300 mg to 150 mg. I just recently started Lithium and Lamictal, but I'm not entirely sure if these meds have as damaging effects as antidepressants like SSRIs, etc; So I might still stay on those or get off of them while I can.

I hope I don't end up like the others that are still going through withdrawal years later.

I was looking into ECT a while back. I really only heard a lot a good things, so why is it regarded as bad now? I know it was dangerous in the past but things have come a long way. Does it make things worse for some people?

I think it doesn't work for some people and then they are upset they went through it. It's very hard on your body because of the anesthesia. You have to take time off work (if you work) and possibly spend a long time inpatient. And then if it doesn't work people get upset.

There is also the memory loss. I have severe memory loss because I had to do bilateral treatments. If the ect had not worked, I'd be really mad about this memory loss. But for me, it worked beautifully, so I don't regret it even with the memory loss.

[raspberrytorte]

What kind of memory loss do you get with ect? Just curious.

[jules77]

I am just now entering adulthood (around 20), but since I was 14 I've been on psych meds. For the amount of time I've been alive, the amount of time I've been on medication feels quite significant. Doctors say for the foreseeable future, medications will always be there. Different types of treatment - TMS, DBT, CBT, etc, have not been used with the goal of ending all meds, perhaps just to decrease or eliminate a few. It's been a long, rocky road, so I understand what you're saying. Our brains are constantly changing, especially during adolescence and young adulthood, so meds may work and then stop working. I'd love to be off meds, but i really cannot fathom at all what it would be like. ugh, its so frustrating. a life i can't imagine but want. sometimes I don't want it though, cause I wonder if it would be worse. who could ever know/.??? Im wishing you luck in this journey.