I wasn't diagnosed until 45 but in hindsite I can recognise times through my life when I wasn't well, particularly when depressions and anxieties affected my ability to function. I have realised my illness impacted those around me - particularly my children.

I winced the other day when my adult daughter referred to not having done something and she was obviously bitter about it. When she was a teenager I never took her and her siblings into the big city. During conversation a few days ago she mentioned how embarrassing and unfortunate that she had not been allowed to go to the malls or downtown like her peers did. It nearly broke my heart. The real truth was that my anxiety about going to the city made me panic stricken. I had not realized that something seemingly so innocuous had such a horrible impact.

[Trippin2.0]

Hindsight is always 20/20, there's absolutely no point in beating yourself up. The only direction that leads is downward. It won't fix or change anything, but trying to forgive yourself is a much healthier path to try and follow.


Have you tried discussing these things with your children?


Your experience VS there's and how it interlinked....


I mean discussions without guilt, blame or shame of course.


Is it possible that your daughter's remark was more about her not understanding how you had so little insight and she was not attempting to guilt trip you?


I think if there's understanding on both ends, then forgiveness, whether from your children or toward yourself would be easier to achieve.


Take it easy on yourself, you did the best you could with the tools you had.

[Mountainbard]

I was 58 when I was diagnosed. Bipolar cost me my siblings-- they couldn't take it when I isolated during depression, and how I could suddenly be so "well"-- hypomanic. You still have a relationship with your daughter, which means it can be mended. Hold onto that thought and remember it was the bipolar and anxiety, not you, which caused the problems.

[CopperStar]

It would probably make a difference if you could tell her that you had severe anxiety about the city, and that you were being over-protective but didn't realize it at the time. That is quite different from a parent who sets rules just for the sake of isolating their children, and it sounds like perhaps your daughter felt she was being isolated, not protected.

And honestly to me your mistakes don't sound that bad. That sort of thing sounds like more typical parental mistakes. No parent is perfect and everyone has things they can look back on and go, "Well I know better now." It's not like you were being abusive or neglectful. Sounds like you were just the anxious, over-protective type. It's really not some horrible thing, just a part of being human.

[Woolly Bugger]

If not bringing your daughter into the city was the worst offense you committed as a parent, then I'd say you did a fine job. Most of us screw up far more badly than that.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

If not bringing your daughter into the city was the worst offense you committed as a parent, then I'd say you did a fine job. Most of us screw up far more badly than that.

amen to that ..

[99 FAIRIES]

I have a 4 year old and a six year old and a fifteen year old. I'm always worried I'm screwing them up. I do the best I can but I worry that my best isn't enough.

[~Christina]

Late diagnose at 43. My Daughter also has Bipolar diagnosed 3 months after me. she was 19.

I spend a few months literally beating myself to death over it. Wondering how much damage I did etc etc etc

My Daughter finally got through to me, Were maybe I lacked here and there.... I made up for it and much more in others. She has no regrets from her childhood.

Step off the guilt train.... it only heads towards a caved in tunnel of depression, regret and self loathing.

Just step off.... how you handle things now is what matters, Sure apologize if you want, But move forward

I was already married when I got my diagnosis. My husband didnt really " sign up" for this Bipolar thing.. But it is what it is, he doesn't hold it against me, Its an illness/ mood disorder, I try and keep Bipolar as small as possible in my marriage. When it needs attention it happens , But my marriage doesn't revolve around my Bipolar. A very wise person gave me that advice way back when .

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by rcat

I winced the other day when my adult daughter referred to not having done something and she was obviously bitter about it. When she was a teenager I never took her and her siblings into the big city. During conversation a few days ago she mentioned how embarrassing and unfortunate that she had not been allowed to go to the malls or downtown like her peers did. It nearly broke my heart. The real truth was that my anxiety about going to the city made me panic stricken. I had not realized that something seemingly so innocuous had such a horrible impact.

How old is your "adult" daughter? I was diagnosed with bipolar when my daughter was six months old, so she was raised knowing Mom had "troubles with her brain" that made some things harder. My kid knew that sometimes we had to find quiet places and that sometimes I wasn't there at all when I should have been.

I have great guilt over the "should have beens" but they're over now. My kid is an adult, and I'm there for her as much as I can be. That's all I can do -- that's all you can do, now. Say you're sorry for the past, but there was a reason. Your child will accept it, or not.