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#1
Oct 11, 2015, 11:11 PM
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Sometimes I really just don't know what to do. Lately ive just been wanting to be alone. Like not just going to the other room but more like running away and starting a new life alone. School is great but everything else is just getting me down. I love my husband and my kids but at times i don't want them. I know it's selfish but it would be easier alone. Not having to worry about pleasing them or not hurting them. I don't feel I'm good enough. Lately I've been so obsessed with money and how to make it and how to spend it. I always want something. It makes me feel better. There's always apart of my life that I'm in doubt about. Usually either school, career, or my religion and view on life. So far it's religion. I love my church and the people but I'm not sure of the religion for myself and it's stressing me out. If I'm not apart of this church then there is no other for me. If I do decide to ever leave I know I'll lose great friends. There is so much going through my head. I feel there is stain on my relationship with my husband. I can't help being so irritable and on edge with him. We used to have fun and now I'm no fun at all. I know he hates it. I haven't been on meds in about a month and I don't want to be back on them. Everything is just hectic. Thanks for listening to my rant.
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Dx: Bipolar 2, Anxiety disorder, Adjustment disorder with mixed anxious mood. Medicine: 40mg Latuda, 35mg HydroXYZ Past Meds: 20mg Latuda, 150mg Seroquel XR, 50mg Topiramate (Trokendi XR), 25mg Vraylar, 25mg buspirone  You live and you learn
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 Anonymous48690, raspberrytorte, Skeezyks, wildflowerchild25
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#2
Oct 12, 2015, 02:48 PM
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Hello dshantel: I'm sorry to read of your struggles. It sounds as though you are struggling with some serious depression at the present time. I know, from my own experience, that maintaining relationships can be extremely tiring when one is struggling with depression & other mental health issues.
I'm pretty-much a recluse by choice at this point in my life. (I'm an older person.) But I am married. Sometimes I wish I were alone entirely. I feel like I have to put on a happy face for my spouse, even though much of the time I don't feel happy. I also feel like I have to be constantly checking my behavior to make sure I don't do or say something that my spouse you find odd or unacceptable. (It's a long story.) Anyway, I don't have any particular suggestions to offer you. I just thought I would share my own perspective with regard to the concerns you raise in your Thread. I send warm wishes your way in the hope that you will be able to find healing, 
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
 dshantel
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#3
Oct 12, 2015, 03:07 PM
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Thank you.
Sent from my SPH-L710T using Tapatalk
__________________
Dx: Bipolar 2, Anxiety disorder, Adjustment disorder with mixed anxious mood. Medicine: 40mg Latuda, 35mg HydroXYZ Past Meds: 20mg Latuda, 150mg Seroquel XR, 50mg Topiramate (Trokendi XR), 25mg Vraylar, 25mg buspirone You live and you learn
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