Opinions Needed

If you are having suicidal thoughts (but can control them mostly) and also have self harm thoughts (but can certainly control them) and write about them explicitly, would you share them with a brand new therapist? Is the hospital a big and potentially unnecessary risk, and, furthermore, could she get CPS involved?

Also, would you share the following narrative? Or could CPS also then get involved if in the hands of the wrong therapist (I believe I may have shared this very thing in another thread--I toned it down a bit):

write about them explicitly, would you share them with a brand new therapist? I share my not so tamed down thoughts with my T. For me as long as intent isn't there then T wont involve the hospital. CPS has never been involved even though my homicidal thoughts sometimes involve my son. I would tell T.

In my experience I was put in the hospital. My therapist called for a case manager to come get me. I was taking to pdocs office and asked if I said I was homicidal. Then escorted to a sheriffs car then driven to a near by mental hospital. In my opinion it's all in the way you word things. "I've had thoughts of SI but it was just a thought and I have no plan". At the time I actually told them my plan if I had the chance.

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It's all about intent whether they can make you go. If there's a plan but no intent they are going to try hard to get you to go and you SHOULD go in all probability but they can't really force you unless they think you are going to do something. I have finally realized though that if I have a plan and it is more than fleeting and my therapist thinks I need to be in the hospital I probably do. (But to be fair there is nearly 10 years of history there).

They can't call CPS because of the thoughts about your kids. If you were planning to give your kids away then they could or if you had tried. But just thinking it is just a thought and thoughts by themselves are harmless except for the pain it causes you which is real.

But honestly? Trying to figure out what to say to your therapist to get around hospitalization is not really letting her help you and it is kind of making the money you are spending on her pointless. I know it is hard to trust her so fast. I had that happen with this therapist; we went from introduction to 70 mph immediately and it was really, really rough because we didn't know or trust one another. My pdoc mediated a lot (she was in the same practice then). I have the luxury now of my therapist really knowing me. But even back then, looking back, he was on my side even when I didn't agree with him. I'd never had anyone not just trust me that I'd be fine and I did not like it one bit that he didn't do that. But he was right and by learning to be honest with him I've stayed a lot safer over the last 10 years. At this point he knows that I'm aware that I'm on the edge and that I could be admitted based on how I feel but that I can't be forced. But the decision is his. If he thinks I'm not safe I'll go. And honestly that is a HUGE relief to me.

I know all the reasons you want to avoid the hospital (or actually I know a lot of reasons and am guessing they are the same as yours and adding some things for you). But when you feel so awful it's not the worst thing and feeling better as fast as possible is a good thing. Just getting some rest and a break from responsibility would probably help you right now.

It's ok to be honest with the therapist. hard, but ok.

My therapist threatened to call CPS on me if I didn't go to the hospital. Easiest decision I've made. I packed my bags and went straight to the hospital.

How are you doing today?

Hope you're doing better today

I think the fear of hospitalization may be heightened in people with children and no help. If I were hospitalized, my asshole ex who is a completely unfit parent might have a leg to stand on in court. Besides, where would my child go? Who would take care of my animals and pay all the bills?? If not for these things, I'd have checked myself in months ago because I know I need it.

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Thank you all very much. My husband had me call today to see if I can get in a day early and he had a cancelation and was able to see me. He upped my abilify back to 20 MG, upped my Lamictal back to 600 MG and advised me to continue to keep taking 2 MG of Clonzapan and the Haldol as needed as a "rescue." He said I seem very manic and he will call to follow up with me later this week and will see me again in 2 weeks. He asked me, based on something I had written (and read him) if I had plans to kill my husband??? I said no, of course but was surprised my feelings of agitation came across so strongly. He also asked me if I needed to go in the hospital and I told him not at this point and he agreed but said we needed to watch the suicidal ideation.

As far as reading the explicit material to my new t, I asked my pdoc about it after reading it to him (I always read my writings to him). He told me to tell her ahead of time that my words are explicit but that I had read them to my pdoc of over 15 years who agreed the hospital wasn't necessary at this time. He said if she had any issues to have her call him and he would handle it. He told me to give her his card (she doesn't have his information as I am, again, new to seeing her). So hopefully that will take care of it.

I found that I was often asked "am I thinking of suicide? Or am I planning suicide?" The difference is in the planning word, thinking is just thinking but planning is action- a step beyond thinking which means danger.

I'm glad that you received help quick enough. You were sounding a little out in left field. I'm interested in seeing that you are taking 600 mg Lamictal. Let us know how that goes.

Oh...and he said I have OCD. This is something he mentioned in passing in the past but today he said explicitly you are quite manic and OCD. He said he believes this is why I take excessive showers when I am manic, why I have such an attachment to music, especially the same songs repeateldly, and why I am taking my ring on and off of my finger repeatedly right now. He laughed and said he only threw in that last part because he has known me for years and didn't mean to make me insecure. In the past he has said the way my thoughts get stuck in such a loop is OCD like which is what I meant by he has said in passing in the past.

My ocd changes when manic too, i would make the bed 7 times and have 7 showers and clean the house with A toothpick (literally) lol

Honestly I think many people without mental illness have thoughts doubting their relationships with and feelings towards loved ones, even their children, at times, or their roles in parenthood, and I think violent thoughts when angry are also pretty common.

I just think that people with mental illness who are undergoing treatment are way more likely to do a lot of introspection and be very vigilant about their thoughts, as well as to share those thoughts with professionals. If anything I think often the mentally ill have a much more grounded and honest representation of themselves as humans than the average neuro-typical, since we go through so much exposure and vulnerability by default.

Any psych professional worth their salt should understand this, and know that it's only red flag time when there are plans and intentions.