To be or not to be,

Hi

I know it's a tough question but I can't decide if I should even consider
Having a child at my age or not?
To complicate matters I cannot have kids so we would need a surrogate
Or adopting. So it would be having a kid at 45 or so
Not to mention, my lifestyle is not conducive to having kids
I'm overweight, basically lazy, have no friends, no hobbies and I think a fairly healthy well rounded person is important to raise a kid, plus I don't drive a car which is a big problem what if they got hurt how would I help them
Get to a hospital? Drive them to soccer etc
I'm not sure I want to or can overcome these hurdles
Please help me with my decision, having bipolar disorder has
Made this choice so hard, my marriage is going to be in some question as well
If the answer is no

45 is late but given that life expectancy is 81 for females it's not that bad. Adoption maybe out due to BP dx. Why is your lifestyle not conducive? Do you work? Do you have the finances for a child? How are you lazy? ie. is your house a wreck? would you want more than one? A car isn't a big deal. If your child gets hurt there's always an ambulance. Don't worry about sports as that comes later or in my son's case not at all.

I think the more important factor is determining whether or not you would be having children for the right reasons. Having children just to try to save an ailing marriage is not the right reason. If you do not want to have children, if the idea does not appeal to you at all and just gives you anxiety, then in my opinion you should not have children. On the other hand, if you really do want children but are concerned about possible struggles such as mood disorder episodes or not having a car, I can assure you that millions of people with low incomes and personal struggles successfully raise children the world-over all the time.

In my opinion it ultimately boils down to how you feel about having children. That is what matters by far more than anything else.

The only reasons you gave are reasons not to have kids, which makes me think that is what you want...

If you really want one, you'll find a way to make it work. There are unplanned pregnancies every day and women find a way to handle it when the dad bails. It's not always an ideal situation, but if you have the motivation, it'll work out. If you think you're going to neglect or resent the kid, then no.

I think that if you have to ask then the answer is no.
Do you want to be going to your kid's grad and cashing your social security cheque on
the way there?

Hello ColeM1100: I don't really have much to offer in this regard. You've already received some great replies from other members. I just want to say that having kids is a real challenge under the best of circumstances. So please think carefully before you commit to such an undertaking...

sounds to me like you have much deeper marriage issues than just a child .... JMO

Thanks, your advice really helped