[ezogyo]

Earlier this year, it was the first time ever that I get to see a psychiatrist to give a diagnosis on my mental health. There was many complications before the doctor declared that I am Bipolar II. I still question myself if the diagnosis he made was right because the symptoms of hypomania does not perfectly match mine. I did recognize some of the symptoms like having racing thoughts before sleep, have insomnia sometimes, being impulsive, agitated or feel annoyed and also love to shop a lot. And I'm also sexually active like I always am. But my private doc said its because of hypomania? But I don't splurge until I'm broke, get into fights(although I do get angry because of reasons but keep it to myself), think myself as superior, be delusional or anything like that. I also have moments of depression for few hours, then the next I'm feeling much better or vice versa.
So my questions are,
1) How can I be sure of myself that I'm indeed Bipolar?
2) What if it's just how I am made to behave, my personality?
3) How long does hypomania lasts? Will I always be hit with depression right after hypomania?
4) Does it mean that I can either have hypomania or depression only? Will I feel normal in between those two without medication?
5) Can you still tell yourself you are hypomanic but still carry on being hyper?
6) Any definite sign to tell if you are bipolar II?

I'm sorry for asking so many question but I really need to find out as it has been bugging my mind for a very long time. I'm asking here since maybe you guys know what it is like, you guys have the experience so I need to hear them in order to really tell if I have it. I hope my words aren't all over the place that it doesn't make sense. Please let me know if I should provide more details for your info. Thanks! If you wanna find out how I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, please read my next post. It's a long one so I posted it separately. Let me know what you guys think.

[ezogyo]

Few appointments later the psychiatrist(later he became my private doc), he concluded that I have Major depression and Anxiety disorder. I knew i had depression, since I have attempted suicide, used to cut my arms(left with noticeable scars), stay homebound etc. But I didn't realize it would be that bad to call it a "Major" depression. Anyway, he recommended that I get treated and medication is very effective in doing so. So I followed his advice since I did wanted to prevent this darkness from taking over my life. He prescribed Fluvoximine(can't remember the dosage amount) which I took for a month.

I can vaguely remember(memory loss as a side effect i guess) that I was feeling happier, use to be more social(talk to friends and family), it's like i had the fun times back in my life even thought it was lacking stability. But there was also the bad side effects that was so bothersome. Such as insomnia, agitation, racing thoughts and can't stop singing out loud when I'm trying to sleep(which was really strange). The insomnia got to the point where I was awake for 3 days straight, and I wasn't even tired. I got frightened as usually I stayed awake for 38 hours few times but this was really extreme and scary. I managed to get an appointment with my doctor the 3rd day of being awake. I even went shopping with my mum on that day before i went for the consultation(my mum wasn't aware of my condition). It was freaking crazy! So when I met my pdoc at the end of the day, I was all worn off. I even cried in front of him because i was feeling the worst thing ever ever since I've woken up from dozing off in the train to the hospital... He immediately switched my medication to Valproic Acid, 1 and half of 500mg dosage every night, lorezepam and zolpidem for insomnia and resperidon for hearing voice, telling me that I have Bipolar II. I was overwhelmed by this news to refuse to take more meds since I hate taking them.

The following months, I was on the medication, I felt super tired all the time. I used to sleep like more than 12hours. I can say my mind was calmer, it was like "care free" kind of calm and I felt like brain dead sometimes... I was feeling less sexual too(which was kinda frustrating). I felt less depressed, eg when I got a rejection letter from my favorite university I've applied. At night I had difficult breathing because of a strange allergic reaction to resperidon. My pdoc tried to change the dosage but still failed to make it any better. I also sometimes felt hyper, had insomnia even when I was on the medication. In the end, I was so frustrated, I called it a quit. I made my last visit to my pdoc and made my final verdict, to live my life normally without treatment. I am aware that the meds did helped me, but the side effect was too much for me to bear and I was in denial that I'm bipolar. Having to go through all this for nothing. You see, I wanted to get treated for depression, even when I didn't believe it could be treated. But the plan went haywire. It evolved into a complete mess. I'm suspecting that only anti-depressant made me hypomanic. Maybe if I take other kinds of anti-depressant it wouldn't be the case? I don't know.

Now that I'm out of treatment, I get struck by depression every now and then. I'm mostly keep myself occupied with TV shows and work. There are still things I do that seems like hypomania, but I am still unsure. It's like, after my pdoc gave me the diagnosis, it hits me all the time whenever I'm feeling happy, hyper and I get worried...

[Mountainbard]

hi ezogyo-- it is very common for antidepressants to make people with bipolar manic or hypomanic. I was misdiagnosed with major depression for years, and treated with antidepressants only, which would inevitably make me hypomanic. Then I'd decide I was "well" and stop the meds. That would push me back into depression. From what you've described I'd say you definitely have bipolar II. Hypomania can be very subtle. It can seem just like a "good mood" at the time. Although some would disagree, it is very hard to deal with bipolar without medication. And being bipolar you need to be on a mood stabilizer as well as an antidepressant.

As for your questions, I think you can be more sure that you are bipolar if you look up the symptoms for bipolar II. I don't think anyone's personality can account for depression like you've described it. Hypomania can last anywhere from days to months. It's pretty likely that you will have depression after hypomania, although you may experience a period of stability in between. You will have both hypomania and depression if you are truly bipolar II. But the hypomania can be hard to recognize, while the depression is always severe. You might often feel normal in between. But remember bipolar is a progressive disease. Left untreated it only gets worse. You can definitely tell yourself you're hypomanic and carry on being hypomanic. It's impossible to predict how long an episode of hypomania will last. The signs of bipolar II are severe depression alternating with feelings of being hyper, and it is very common for others to notice you are hypomanic (acting weird) than you are.

I hope all this helps some. I think you are on the right track, and you should continue researching bipolar II and looking for answers. I wish you the best of luck.

[Hemingway]

Hello.

The line that separates mental illness from temperament is whether or not those traits affect the person in their ability to carry out every day tasks. Depending on what those traits are, the symptoms as they call them, and their clusters, a diagnosis on mental illness can be made. Mental illness is unfortunately a part of our evolutionary benefits. It's strange I know, but nature has its own opinion on this. They say bipolar for example is beneficial because it keeps us beasts lean and vigorous.

A significant part of being Bipolar is the cycling. Yes, left untreated hypo/mania can turn to depression and then hypo/mania again. How long these phases last is different for everyone. It depends on the person, circumstances, gender, age etc. I was depressed for 3 years and then manic for 2. Other people are on a more rapid cycle or a slower one. There has even been discussion among scientist debating the ultra rapid cycling although most dismiss it and label it cyclothymia.

There are also mixed states of the disease. Before it was re-named, Bipolar was called manic depression. This meant that a person could be manic and depressed at the same time. You can have oscillations in your mood without really changing poles.

Sure, there can be times you will feel normal. Again, it depends on the person. It's really hard to tell what normal is when you have this disorder I think. Any opinion is subjective. Including this one.

Hypo/mania feels different to different people. Personally my hypo/mania feels euphoric, I feel energized and inspired and motivated. It's not without harm of course. But truth be told, I don't mind it.

I'm sure more visits to your pdoc will clear things up for you. When I first got diagnosed I was taken by great surprise. I had heard of it before but I had absolutely no insight. It took some time and many 'aha' moments to accept that I was bipolar. It certainly explained a lot.

Keep in mind, most symptoms can be treated with the right medication. There are several options out there, combinations and dosages. You need to try a lot before getting lucky.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. I hope everything works out for you. Keep in touch.

[CopperStar]

BP really seems capable of manifesting quite differently in different people.

It sounds like maybe your hypomania experience is mostly physiological, centered around an inability sleep/rest and then the resulting effects of that deprivation.

Whereas it also sounds like your depression can get quite severe.

I have seen/read from numerous others of BP manifesting that particular way.

Hypo/mania won't always manifest for people with a bunch of grandiosity or out-of-control spending.

Just like for some people depression can be a lot more physiological than anything else, they might not ever really feel suicidal, but they struggle to have any energy or will whatsoever to care about anything or even get out of bed and shower. It's still depression.

[ezogyo]

Thanks guys for the quick response and sharing your experiences. Really appreciate it. I am starting to have a clear understanding of bipolar II after reading all your replies. But as what Mountainbird said, I still have a lot of researching to do. My best bet is to differentiate what's normal and what's not. After I am really convinced, I might go back to my pdoc to get treated, just maybe. If indeed what I experience is hypomania, then I do believe that it has a big benefit. And I admit I like the period when I'm "hypomanic"(which i tend to think of it as the behavior, as a product of my personality). Like I would be more sociable, productive, coming up with ideas and my favorite, writing songs. I also feel less anxious(can sometimes led me to be daring and help me speak up to my fierce dad). When I'm depressed, I just want to be alone and nothing interests me. It would be saddening to take that power away from me How I wish I just have "hypomania" without the depression part... and talking about it, it does seems like I am bipolar
So far the problems I face seems to be due to my anxiety and depression. If what I'm experiencing is hypomania, I don't think it has lead me to any trouble as anxiety or depression has.

I shall document my everyday life and compare it according to all your replies. Maybe it can help me see a pattern. And also gonna read up books on this topic, one that is recommended by Mountainbird, "Bipolar for the dummies" seems interesting. Maybe I'll keep updating about my findings. Thanks again guys, you guys are an awesome bunch

[BeyondtheRainbow]

PsychEducation | Treating the Mood Spectrum is a great place to learn about bipolar. It was written for BPII although I found it applied well to me and I have BPI. It is where I finally said aloud "I am bipolar!!" and understood that I needed different treatment than I had been getting and from there found that treatment. It's been 13 years and that's still my go-to place for information.

I'm sorry sweety, as I was reading your story, I kept thinking that this sounds pretty bipolar to me. Symptoms for everyone is different. You can have a little of this and/or a lot of that, or not at all of the other...

Sometimes I think we are under the impression that we have to have earth moving symptoms to be called bipolar, but just exhibiting the symptoms, even though they aren't life crippling according to us, is enough for a diagnosis. We don't like thinking that there is anything wrong with us, so we tend to minimize our rationale.

Your anti-d sidetrack there cements your nomination in the Halls of Bipolar! I'm sorry.

A way that helped me see what the real deal was is when I got stabile, I was able to see what it was really doing to me...it was that obvious.

I hope this works for you to get better!