Lonely but...

Now that I have worked very hard to some what have some control over my bipolar I have times to focus on other aspects of my life besides the tormented emotional state I was in. I often feel lonely yet it's hard to make friends in my life. I either feel I have to portray someone I'm not, I feel I am unable to disclose I have bipolar or I am too anxious to even initiate a conversation with anyone. I do get constant negative thoughts flying threw my head due to my bipolar that tell me I'm not good enough or someone won't like me. Anyone else in the same boat?

Yes totally in the same boat. You are not alone. Sometimes I feel like the only people who truly understand me are those with bipolar too. It's something that's hard to explain to friends or even family - especially new friends.

I don't have any friends, only my family. All of my old friends still keep in touch on a regular basis and have continued their friendships into family life and I'm here like, alone. I see them around facebook and how they all go to each others' weddings and stuff and I feel so left out. Making friends is not easy for me, mostly due to social anxiety. Multiple therapists have suggested meet up groups to me, but I'm just too shy and anxious to do anything like that... at least right now. Sucks.

That said, bipolar and heavy self-medicating certainly had a hand in all of this, as it pretty much ruined my life, which is why I feel I never get invited to anything anymore. My old friends put up with me when I was cycling hardcore back in the day and, I assume, just don't want to deal with it anymore. I feel I will forever be known as that "crazy drunk." I'm nothing like I used to be. I'm medicated now, I rarely drink, and yet... alone.

You guys here seem to get it. That's why I come on here. Really sometimes I just need somebody to "talk to". Even if it is just over a message board.

Definitely. I don't have that much contact with people IRL other than my immediate family. I haven't talked to my friends in ages but they understand my anxiety. I've started seeing a support group for people with bipolar and depression, though, and it helped out a bit.

I haven't had friends outside of the internet in many years. I have no idea how to talk to people or interact normally anymore, consistently. People only like the hypo me. Not the depressed me. I can't really blame them, but I often become extremely lonely when my boyfriend is working, which is often. I start thinking about the days before I became truly symptomatic (anxiety included) and miss them terribly. I'm not physically in contact with my family anymore either, and our communication is very brief over the phone. I'm not too upset about that because they've never been reliable anyway. My boyfriend is the only reliable person I have, physically.

I can relate. I put myself out there, but people do not act like they care. I guess everyone is wrapped up in their own problems. I find it hard to connect with people who are into the same things that I am - especially musical tastes. It seems like the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. I know there are people out there who will accept and find us unique. We all have some quality that will enrich another persons life. Just gotta keep the search a goin´.

I think this is a common Bipolar struggle. We're used to putting on a front as long as we can manage it. And then when we can't do it anymore, we alienate our friends because we can't keep pretending to be someone we're not.

I made some pretty good friends at my old job, but I put on a very good front at that job where I was the leader, the strong one. I spent those years solving a lot of their problems while none of them really knew what I struggled with. Now that I don't work there anymore and our conversations turned to what meds my pdoc is trying on me now, I find we reach out to each other less and less.

The problem is, I like being isolated. Just me, DH, my kids, comfy couch, warm blanket, Netflix binges. Interacting with others exhausts me, even though I know it's good for me to do it. I'm in my own way of my mental health sometimes.

If nothing else, at least you have this social outlet. It helps to talk to others who understand what you're going through.

I agree w Amy. I don't like to socialize. I enjoy solitude.
Most people are fake, superficial, no real substance.
In a sense, boring.
I prefer to read, watch movies, hang w my H.

I don't get attached to people, they usually hurt you.
Now, knowing I'm bipolar has made it harder.
I have one good friend that knows.
My only friend.

I like to come here & read what like minded people think.

I can relate to every single person on this thread. I didn't know that masking the self was a common bipolar symptom. I have presented a self (not an alter self, but a persona) to the world since I was a kid, which obviously took on a different meaning as I got older. I don't really have friends now (unless my bunny counts ). My first year in college i had a lot of friends, then undiagnosed bipolar got worse came about and I was the "crazy drunk" as cmorales eloquently said. I also became the self-garner, the slut, and all that fun stuff. i was forced to move home which isolated me and I retained one friend from that first year. She knows everything about me. I recently had a falling out with another friend who knew, and she used it against me in a fight saying that I "was having an episode" and that "my disorder was really apparent right now"...lesson learned *****.
Anyway I'm glad I'm not the only one. I do isolate myself and am not social, but I have unchecked anxiety and have learned that people suck. That being said, I do sometimes wish I were a "normal" 22 year old in which I have a social life or someone who cares..but im not into/can't do the hound people thang like drinking and stuff. As you can tell by my incoherent babble I am conflicted

Yes putting on a front is huge, sometimes I go long periods where I can do it and then I just can't.

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This definitely is a common struggle. I've had a terrible time keeping friends over the years, because I isolate so badly when I'm depressed. I have very little family left, they're all far away, and "out of sight out of mind" is pretty much their attitude toward me. I recently came out of a very long depression, and I have no friends left-- only my wife, and she suffers from severe depression. We're both introverts anyway, so we never socialized that much even when we were stable. I'm thankful I have the people at PC to interact with, but I'm also hopeful that I will be able to get working again, and make at least some acquaintances that way.

I am like this to because I push people away. Like others said, it's common in BP. I find I get quickly agitated at people so I just like to be alone. I also have a bad history with "friends" in general. I'm fully aware of the fake people out there so I stick to a very tight circle. Even my right circle barely talks to me. Those that know about my BP understand. Or like my one friend likes to say "get your bipolar ***** out of bed already". She's bipolar too so she knows exactly what I'm really doing when I tell her my excuses. Truth is, I can only take her and everyone else in small doses.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

I am like this for sure. Been trying to readjust to home from college and it has not been easy. The only friends I have around here are normally busy. I am a very lonely person and often feel I am a robot simply going through the emotions in life. Also hard for me to accept people can like me with my problems. Self confidence rather low and have a tendency to Throw my emotions at people. Suicidal thoughts not often but more than I would like sometimes. Not great at taking meds on time though so that could be part of it too.

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I'm a lonely, stay at home mom. It truly affects (effects?) my state of mind. But, I'm so used to it, I'm scared to make new friends now. I'm grateful for a newish group I'm in called "overcoming adversity" as it has done just that.

Affects.

I can relate to this thread a lot. Where to even begin?

I can relate to this thread so much. I have at most 2 friends, and one of those never initiates phone calls or texts; I am always the one to contact her. I take that to mean she may not be a true friend. It is very lonely. I am very fortunate to have a husband and kids and that helps but it doesn't fill the need for friendships. When no one ever call or texts to say hello or to get together for lunch, etc it makes me feel like no one in the world -except my immediate family- cares about me. It makes me very sad. Oh well. I have recently started playing tennis again and joined a ladies' league and I am hoping to at least make a few acquaintances that way. In the meantime, I try to focus on the fact that I do have a family that cares.