[Lizabelle]

Okay, I'm going to try to keep this short and to the point, but that may not happen.

Last night, I finally got things moving with the guy that I have been interested in for a while. By the time I went home around 4 A.M., we had spent almost five hours alternating between kissing (I think it was French kissing- open-mouth, biting lips, et cetera) and general cuddling-type stuff and watching YouTube videos, talking, and other non-physical things.

It is probably important to mention that this was my first time EVER kissing anyone or having any kind of skin-on-skin contact besides hugging friends and family.

Ever since I went home this morning (again, around 4 A.M.), I have been having what I can only describe as tactile hallucinations. Any time that I am not immediately distracted by a consuming task or conversation, I can feel his lips on mine just like they were before, I can feel his stubble on my cheeks, and I feel the pressure from his hands on my waist, back, stomach, et cetera. It is so intense that honestly if I closed my eyes, I would not know that he was not here touching me in this instant.

I'm really starting to get worried about this. I know that I am very tactiley sensitive- when teachers or family would touch my shoulder or hand for any reason, I could always continue to feel the sensation until I brushed it off with my hand or a cloth. But it has been over 10 hours since the experience ended and I am still feeling these sensations.

Not sure if this is salient information, but right now the only medications that I am taking is 20 mg of buspirone at night, to help me sleep (it is something my doctor wanted to try, and it is not working- I have to take cough syrup in order to sleep at all). Also, given that I was with this guy for the majority of last night, I have not slept in 35 hours. Things always get worse when I don't sleep, but I have NEVER hallucinated before.

Can someone please, please tell me how to make these go away? Feeling the physical touch was difficult enough when it was actually happening, but now it is driving me to distraction when I am trying to focus on studying for final exams.

[cashart10]

I cannot offer much assistance as I have only had visual and auditory hallucinations but I can only imagine how distressing this is for you. I just want to let you know I'm thinking about you and suggest that you perhaps contact your pdoc.

[cashart10]

Also, do you have a prn? I have Klonapin and extra Haldol as prn and they (especially the increase in Haldol) seem to help.

[Lizabelle]

I see my pdoc this coming Tuesday, but she and the other one whom I have seen since moving cross-state for college are basically useless. They refuse to allow me to take the types and dosages of medications that I have found worked for me (as recently as this April!) and instead have been bouncing me around on BS things like the buspirone.

The only prn medication that I have is Trazodone and the buspirone (my last doctor from my hometown prescribed the buspirone specifically as a prn for my occasional panic attacks). Since ceasing all medication not necessary for sleep in April, I have been doing really well, until now of course. I'm afraid that if I call the pdoc office with an issue like this, they will recommend *coughforcecough* me to begin an antipsychotic or other such drug.

[scatterbrained04]

Taking showers helps me when I have tactile hallucinations. Might be worth a try if you haven't tried that yet.

I get tactile hallucinations, but they are extremely unpleasant (bugs). I also get like what you describe, but have never thought of them as hallucinations. (In fact, I very much enjoy them. ) I can see how they are annoying in interrupting your focus, but -- if not for that -- would you find them so troubling? Was it unpleasant? (I'm not really clear on that. It didn't sound so when first described, but later, saying, "... it was difficult enough when it was happening...) "Difficult" could also mean awkward, which would make sense with it being a new thing to you, so I'm not sure.)

Where am I going with this? Maybe just to say if it wasn't unpleasant, that you can relax on worrying about them as hallucinations (because worrying that one might might even be having hallucinations tends to stress people out just by itself...) I say this because if that could be set aside, it could help in "just" having the annoyance/distraction part to deal with. For that part... As cashart mentioned, maybe a PRN? Getting some sleep would help. (Both is probably what I'd do.) Might "re-set" your brain to where it is functioning as it normally would for you. Worth a try. Good luck!

(Just saw your follow up post. Do you have any Trazadone left? If so, you could use that to help get some sleep, and not even have to call them. A thought anyway.)

[Lizabelle]

It was my first encounter of that nature, and while it was enjoyable in one sense it was also very uncomfortable and pushed a lot of my boundaries. I've never been good with people touching me unless I am very, very relaxed, but I was making an effort to be close with this guy so I tried to ignore the wrongness of the sensations and focus on what little things did feel nice.

I would probably have been fine by now without this, but the constant sensation of being touched is making me focus more on the unpleasantness of it rather than any pleasant parts.

I will get out from work in a couple of hours, and see if I have any Trazodone left. I really hope that once I sleep, this will all go away and I can get back to a functioning state.