[Becoming]

So I recently made a post thinking I was stupid about going to visit a girl I met online. After five days and a lot of nice responses, I don't feel stupid, but I learned and that is not something I will do again. As recap (for people who did not see that post), I spent $300 to go meet a girl I met online only about one week prior. We had a good time. The next day things turned out not so great as she seemed to get gun shy or cold shouldered after meeting me just once. So this post somewhat a continuation of that story.

I have a hard time with strong emotions (then again...that is just a Bipolar thing I guess). I met someone I like and immediateily I'm like OMG must talk to them a lot, must be with them a lot, must do what they want me to do often, etc.

Come to think of it, I don't regret meeting her, but it could have happened in a better way that maybe didn't involve $300, risking my job, and my parents trust. But I'm 22. And my parents tend to treat me like a kid only because I cannot afford to move out of their house or pay 100% of my bills on my own yet. They got mad I tried to stay in a hotel with the girl and risked missing work which maybe could have got me fired. The girl was VERY stressed about that saying I'm kid-like and my parents have too much control over me. She didn't like that one bit that they were interfering with my decisions (though eventually understood I could not risk my job).

I am a person who usually likes to have physical contact with people. I want to randomly hug my friends or family. I might even like to randomly touch their clothes if it looks soft of shiny. At times, I even like to playfully tap/punch/or poke them. And if their hair is cool I usually get a great desire to touch it. All these behaviors came out when I met this girl and it turned out she didn't appreciate them. I don't think she minded me hugging her, but she didn't like me poking her for certain (which nbd...I stopped that and respected it). And the reason I messed with her hair so much (which I did not tell her) is cause I love it. It's super fun to play with and touch. Touching it was my way to appreciate it. I'm not sure she understood that. A couple times I tackled her playfully which I also think she did not like. That's my way of kind of saying "hey, I like you, let's be silly together and spend time together." These are all "I like you" and "spend time with me" behaviors. But she just sees them as playful and annoying. She thinks they make me childish. Again though, I didn't really explain why I do these things. Maybe I should?

I think at this point we're both VERY confused. She's said I'm annoying and selfish. Then apologized for it without much explaining and offered to have a mature conversation about things. I didn't want that. It was too much drama for the past few days so I told her I'd talk with her in a week or two. The problem is she last said she wants to have it over text which seems like a TERRIBLE idea to me. Things get so miscontrued through text.

So now I don't know. If she still wants to talk to me about what is bothering her and everything...is it wrong of me to think she is actually still interested in me? I'm bad when I don't know things. But wouldn't this be logical? Why would she want to spend the time and have a conversation if she wasn't interested in repairing a relationship or giving me a chance somehow you know?

So I'm taking this week or two to think. Problem is not quite sure what to be thinking about? Maybe why I'm annoying/childish/or selfish and how to explain or appologize for that? Maybe what she thinks it could be in the future (or if she just wants to not talk about it and just continue talking)? I have been given and am taken all this time, but it's like I'm not sure what to do with it and when it comes time to talk to her again I just don't want to make her upset or angry again. We almost said we were never going to talk again. Whole thing was really immature and emotional which is why I hope after a week or two we'll both be more cool headed and rational.

Help? Opinions? Similar situations?

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Doesn't matter what came out of her mouth, if you are not true to who you are, it will never work out anyway.

So, if "annoying and selfish" is your "fun, lively and truthful to myself", then let her find someone as boring as her to hang out with instead

[CopperStar]

The value of taking your time comes towards the end of doing so. What you describe reminds me a lot more of my BPD streak than my BP symptoms, so I'm relating more from a borderline angle. That said, giving it a couple weeks will allow you to see if your feelings change, only minus all the drama, roller coasters and emotional angst that would happen if you were to keep pushing forward instead of just waiting a bit. Idealization and desperation tend to require a lot of contact initially, it's like a "feeding" in a way, and you can't feed if you're not at the table. But if 2 weeks goes by and you've had time to sit on the feelings and thoughts, and you feel calm at the end, then that is a much better sign if you choose to pursue her.

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by hahayeahtotallylol

Doesn't matter what came out of her mouth, if you are not true to who you are, it will never work out anyway.

So, if "annoying and selfish" is your "fun, lively and truthful to myself", then let her find someone as boring as her to hang out with instead

yeah this is true. I think I'll give her opportunity to elaborate some more on it though. She was more vague than I would like.

Originally Posted by CopperStar

The value of taking your time comes towards the end of doing so. What you describe reminds me a lot more of my BPD streak than my BP symptoms, so I'm relating more from a borderline angle. That said, giving it a couple weeks will allow you to see if your feelings change, only minus all the drama, roller coasters and emotional angst that would happen if you were to keep pushing forward instead of just waiting a bit. Idealization and desperation tend to require a lot of contact initially, it's like a "feeding" in a way, and you can't feed if you're not at the table. But if 2 weeks goes by and you've had time to sit on the feelings and thoughts, and you feel calm at the end, then that is a much better sign if you choose to pursue her.

I've heard it suggested I could have BPD. I think I'll mention to my therapist about it. But yeah I think this time is a good thing to take so both of us clear our minds and have a mature conversation. Bit nerve racking in a sense, but I think time really lessens the likelihood of it getting mean or anything again.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tipper1492]

Bipolar Marriages have a divorce rate of 90%. Also if both mates are bipolar. Making it work, under a marriage contract by law, is bad enough without confusing things more. Takes a hell of a lot of work to make marriage last.

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by tipper1492

Bipolar Marriages have a divorce rate of 90%. Also if both mates are bipolar. Making it work, under a marriage contract by law, is bad enough without confusing things more. Takes a hell of a lot of work to make marriage last.

Can I ask where you found that information? That is certainly an overwhelmingly high number!

What I will say is she knows I have Bipolar. I told her right off the bat. It would be a good thing for her to get more knowledge about too I'm sure.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk