[Pastel Kitten]

Wow, I didn't have any memory of this until recently because I was reading through some old skype chat logs with a friend from when I was 16, but apparently my old psychiatrist tried diagnosing me with bipolar even back then and I was absolutely convinced she was wrong. She prescribed me Risperdal and told me that I have severe mood swings and that I was even hypomanic at that very moment but I told her that I was incredibly calm and that she didn't know what she was talking about. I do remember that day, and I have no clue how I could have deluded myself into thinking I was calm! I was talking a mile a minute, shaking, my mind was racing, and I couldn't really sit still. On top of that I was highly irritated with her because I was convinced that I was fine. I tried taking Risperdal but quit after 2 days because I thought my psychiatrist was nuts. I thought everyone around me was nuts for telling me I needed help. Shortly after this appointment I stopped going to that clinic altogether. It took almost 4 years of getting progressively worse before I finally sought out help again but I'm glad I did. Just kind of shocked that I was so unaware of my behavior back then!

Sometimes it takes things getting really bad before you can face a diagnosis like that. For me I can see Bipolar all the way back to when I was 5 or 6, then through high school and college but it wasn't until my first major episode at 28 that I was ready to get help. I'm glad you're able to accept it now. I hope things continue to get better for you.

[LorrieTorrie]

I know what you mean. When I was 19 I quit school and decided to become a rockstar. I covered my arms in tattoos and bought guitars. I couldn't even play. I held band auditions, and I thought I could learn guitar in a week or two. At the time I genuinely believed that I was going to be a rockstar. Now I look back and I wonder why no one in my life saw how crazy I was behaving. My family doesn't believe in mental illness, so they just let me walk around being crazy. During that same time I learned German, and spent $3,000 on a trip to Germany that I never even went on, because by the time the trip came up I was over it.

Even now I have days where I don't want to believe anything is wrong. When I get like that I just remember that time, and the few others where I was clearly unstable.

[Unrigged64072835]

It's hard to accept things like MI as a teenager because all I wanted to be was normal, even though I knew I wasn't. I was diagnosed with depression at 17 but since the doctor was a jerk I didn't take it seriously. I went through many years of hell before I was properly diagnosed at 47. My daughter is the same way with her MDD/GAD diagnosis. I guess we just have to live and learn it.

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie

I know what you mean. When I was 19 I quit school and decided to become a rockstar. I covered my arms in tattoos and bought guitars. I couldn't even play. I held band auditions, and I thought I could learn guitar in a week or two. At the time I genuinely believed that I was going to be a rockstar. Now I look back and I wonder why no one in my life saw how crazy I was behaving. My family doesn't believe in mental illness, so they just let me walk around being crazy. During that same time I learned German, and spent $3,000 on a trip to Germany that I never even went on, because by the time the trip came up I was over it.

Even now I have days where I don't want to believe anything is wrong. When I get like that I just remember that time, and the few others where I was clearly unstable.

I'm so glad I've never been the one in control of finances because I'm sure I'd have done something similar! Luckily my feelings of grandiose revolved mostly around me feeling far more intelligent than most people. Apparently when my old pdoc told me I was talking really fast, my excuse was that most smart people talk fast because there is so much to say, lol. I also spent hours and hours everyday playing a competitive rhythm game because I was convinced I would be pro. I am pretty good at it, but definitely not pro. I thought I'd be amongst the top players in the whole world. One time I even played it for 13 hours straight. I think I know why I came across as very arrogant, back then!