[Spaceyspace]

Long story short (ish). In the early 90's I was first dx'd with bipolar. I was in my early teens. Once I went to college I went off meds and thrived, even got a big deal job. Then I epically manically crashed and got fired. Spiraled into depression, started dating a guy, had my first son then the psychosis really hit. Had my first inpatient admis soon and a full cocktail of meds. I do also have ptsd.

To say I was overmedicated is an understatement but the docs just kept upping or changing antidepressants and changing antipaychotics. I was a vegetable. My sons father and I agreed our son should live full time with him. Heartbreaking. Th me changes went on for a few more years until 09 when I met my husband while I was living in a long term respite, he lived elsewhere. He couldn't belive what "they" were doing to me. He got me out of there and off meds. I was thriving again.

Things were great, I got pregnant again, pregnancy and the first 2 years went well but our chaotic wife beater coke addict neighbor who we share al wall with triggerd me. I did something rash and ended up in icu then the psych unit back on meds.

Again over medicated. My outpatient prescriber was giving me so many meds and didn't realive I had a encephalopathy from the reach decision I made plus intibation. Her mismanagement of my case led me to leave her and meds

I have many anti psychiatry friends. Recently my symptoms got bad again. I have a good doc I met with 3 times before accepting a precrption. I do take neurological meds already but she added Risperdal at a low dose and told.me to call asap if I don't feel right. I can already tell it's working. I'm sleeping, coherent, less "manically depressive"

Still I feel like a failure and would like some of the anti psych people to talk less and listen more. I totally understand the horrors of incompetent docs and over medication and using the wrong meds. But my fear kept me from finding a good doc.

[Spaceyspace]

Oh and I don't just rely on meds, I'm an artist writer, cook healthy, see a regular doc for check ups, get out in nature when I don't think every passerby wants to hate on me lol

[Row Jimmy]

Oh I can relate! I have people *in my family* that don't think I'm BP even though I have an official diagnosis from a licensed psychiatrist. These, of course, are the same people who tell me to go to the doctor for a cold. They just think psychiatry is spook science. My mom isn't a believer in medication and thinks things will just go away with prayer.

I like your second post.....just rely on yourself and do all the right things along the way. I find this to be a struggle in my life because I don't have a lot of free time to meditate and my schedule these days is completely full so going to the gym and eating healthy is a challenge.

[wiretwister]

when your wacked out of your mind one "may" I say "may" need the heavy stuff ... but if they get close to the right meds you level out and then I believe you have the right to negotiate over what and how much you take ... that's just my opinion ... I personally believe the smallest amount that does the job is the right amount ... I am so close to the edge I can feel the start of ups and downs ... but I chose to live that way and use other methods to stop the slides ... so far so good ... it has allowed my mind to clear and even slip a little happiness in ....

[Moogieotter]

A good care team is hard to find. For most of us it's key that we have a psychologist and a psychiatrist who we can count on. Start trying to find a working relationship with a great doctor in your area and try some treatment options. It sounds like you've been under either very heavy medication or none at all try to find that happy medium.

My wife and I found a lot of great information in a book called "taking charge of bipolar disorder "it has a just the facts style approach and has very candid and solid advice for loved ones of people with bipolar.

[Mountainbard]

I'll just second what Moogie had to say. A working relationship w/a good pdoc makes so much difference. And Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder is an awesome book.

[Nammu]

You don't mention a therapist but a good T helped me deal with the challenge of BP and PTSD. She also helped me with my fears regarding Pdocs and over medication issues. I too finally have Pdocs listening and not over medicating. Was anti medication for a long time and it really did a number on my real life friendships. Some of us really do need medicine, there's a good middle ground between the black and white all or nothing approach.

Maybe just ask that they respect your decision.

[Spaceyspace]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

You don't mention a therapist but a good T helped me deal with the challenge of BP and PTSD. She also helped me with my fears regarding Pdocs and over medication issues. I too finally have Pdocs listening and not over medicating. Was anti medication for a long time and it really did a number on my real life friendships. Some of us really do need medicine, there's a good middle ground between the black and white all or nothing approach.

Maybe just ask that they respect your decision.

Forgot to add that part, recently started seeing a new t. I've had so many. In clincs, they come and go and I've had some bad ones. I have a good feeling about this one. I also go to an art therapy group.

[Spaceyspace]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

when your wacked out of your mind one "may" I say "may" need the heavy stuff ... but if they get close to the right meds you level out and then I believe you have the right to negotiate over what and how much you take ... that's just my opinion ... I personally believe the smallest amount that does the job is the right amount ... I am so close to the edge I can feel the start of ups and downs ... but I chose to live that way and use other methods to stop the slides ... so far so good ... it has allowed my mind to clear and even slip a little happiness in ....

Thanks, and if things get too out of hand even on this new med I will keep your words in mind, along with my experiences when talking to my pdoc.

[Spaceyspace]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

A good care team is hard to find. For most of us it's key that we have a psychologist and a psychiatrist who we can count on. Start trying to find a working relationship with a great doctor in your area and try some treatment options. It sounds like you've been under either very heavy medication or none at all try to find that happy medium.

My wife and I found a lot of great information in a book called "taking charge of bipolar disorder "it has a just the facts style approach and has very candid and solid advice for loved ones of people with bipolar.

I'll look for that book. I hope it has tools for psycotic syptoms for both depression and mania, the few books I have didn't seem to address psychosis, at least not depressive psychosis.

[Spaceyspace]

Originally Posted by Mountainbard

I'll just second what Moogie had to say. A working relationship w/a good pdoc makes so much difference. And Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder is an awesome book.

Yes, I feel bad for people still with my old one.

[Nammu]

Art therapy is the best!